December 2018

Why does he not fuck you in irish8?

No specific reason. Just didn’t happen yet.

Are you allowed to have sex without the service attitude?

We don’t ever have sex with another attitude than me serving Him. But that has nothing to do with being allowed to or not. It just wouldn’t be us. We like it that way.

Does he also grant you sex while not being restrained? Do you still like it at all?

Sure. And yes. I always like it to serve Him.

Do those irish8 cuffs from your pics make for a great helpless feeling when you are fucked in them?

I’ve never been fucked in Irish 8s.

When did you realise that you loved your Master?

I couldn’t pinpoint it to a specific date or situation, it was a process that happened over time.

I guess I didn’t really realize it, before I could feel it from His side. I’ve always been that way, I never just fell in love with somebody without some sort of sacrifice from this person for me. I could only open up to someone after this person had proven they are worthy and mean it serious with me. There is no getting to my heart without taking a risk and making a sacrifice for me. That’s not something I expect explicitly, that I do on purpose, it’s just how my psyche, my emotions work.

Coming to Germany for me of course was a sacrifice of Him already, but only a financial one at this point, in the beginning, so it showed He is serious and willing to risk something but I barely knew Him and I can’t feel much for people I don’t know.

What showed me, made me really feel it, what kind of a man He is and where He stands towards me, was not the fact that He came, but that He stayed. Even though I had a trial coming up, and I was charged with something with a required minimum sentence of five years. I said, if He’d stay and we fall in love and then a prison sentence kills everything, it will only cause Him heartache, so He should leave, but He didn’t. And then I had a lump in my breast, only a few years after my mom had breast cancer, and from the ultrasound three different doctors couldn’t tell if it’s a tumor or only a cyst, and for 8 weeks we were in this situation where I had a 50/50 chance that I might have a serious medical problem, and I told Him again that it would be better He’d leave, instead of taking the risk to fall in love with me, only to have to keep me company in hospitals, or even worse. And He said “I stay. No matter what will happen, I won’t leave.”

These two things showed me who He is and how He feels about me, and that enabled me to open up to Him and feel the same.

Does he sometimes chain or cuff you just for his fun? With or without using you sexually?

Yes sure. Although… In the end He gets horny from having me all tied up and helpless, so practically it’s rather rare that it doesn’t end in sex, even if it wasn’t intended in the beginning.

In which fields do you need more discipline?

Every field. I’m just not a very disciplined character in general. I’m the queen of procrastination, in every possible way.


67. Pillow fight or pillow fort?

Pillow fort!!

61 and 63

61. Did your parents have “the sex talk” with you when you were young? If so, which parent? How did it go?

My mom made an attempt to talk to me about contraception and using condoms etc one day in the car, and I said “Don’t worry mom, I know about this stuff already. I won’t get pregnant or get myself an std. All good.” and that was that.

In Europe sex education is part of the regular curriculum in biology class. Also in general our society is more open than in America so you somehow get confronted with how it all works potentially everywhere.


63. Morning sex or afternoon delight?

I’m not a morning person, especially not a before-coffee person, so I’m not eager to do anything in the morning in general. But my Master likes morning sex (really early sometimes like 4 or so…) and I love it to make Him happy (: So practically in the end I do like morning sex. But if it weren’t for Him, I wouldn’t lift a finger before coffee. Except making coffee.

32 and 34

32. Have you ever been with someone that another member of your family has been with?

No, never. But that would be very weird anyway since I have neither siblings nor cousins, so no relatives that are even remotely my age.


34. Name a song that puts you in the mood.

None I could think of honestly. Music doesn’t put me in a sexual mood. Maybe indirectly if the lyrics would be about something that turns me on, but that’s something different.

52, and 59!

52. Have you ever used something outside the norm to orgasm?

As a teenager I experimented with literally everything I could find in my room, that had even remotely the right shape.


59. Ball gag or hand over mouth?

Hm… That would depend on the circumstances I think. I don’t generally prefer one over the other. During sex rather hand. During a caning or so rather gag (wouldn’t be doable with hand anyway).

Favourite position to be restrained in?

Not too uncomfortable, if I could choose. Otherwise I absolutely don’t care.

What happened in the beginning of your relationship/dynamic when he went over to Germany? Did he take control immediately?

Here you go [link]

Reference (questions came in as a message)


23. One thing you haven’t done sexually that you are hoping to try.

Hmm, that’s actually not easy…

I can’t think of a specific activity I never did but would want to do, I did the things I like doing, or where I thought I’d like it, already. But one ‘thing’ in a more abstract way, actually the only thing, that comes to mind, would maybe be, to hit/find a (new) limit, that I didn’t know existed. I’m not talking about pain or physical but mental limits. I know for a long time already what my hard limits are and they are hard enough that I would never want to push them. But I think I would find it interesting, physiologically, to find myself in a situation, that surprisingly turns out to be, due to whatever mental barriers, not doable or bearable for me and to find out how I would react to that and explore what’s going on there in my mind.

Hm, a little like a psychological experiment. Probably not very sexy, sorry.


29. Have you ever accidentally sent a dirty pic or message to the wrong person/people?

No, never.

54. Would you rather play dirty doctor or naughty detention?

Definitely rather detention than doctor.

‘Playing doctor’ is a turn off. I worked in a hospital myself and have different connotations with doctors than 'sexy’. Also I hate gynecologist visits, definitely nothing sexy about it, not even simulated with someone I trust. Just no.

Detention however is okay.

But I don’t really like role plays in general. So if I could choose freely I’d choose neither of those, but would rather do something fun as myself.

Where I belong.


Yours - @keepingher


Oh wow, that was quick…


“69. Have you ever done a 69?”

Often, but I never liked it very much. I’m a complete failure at multitasking, and this is already too multi for me. You’re too distracted to give a proper bj, and too busy to enjoy yourself. I rather focus on one thing at a time. Also I’m not particularly into receiving oral, I like it much better to give. It’s so wet and.. slobbery… I find that a rather unpleasant physical sensation. But I’m weird in general when it comes to physical sensations in all contexts, this is just one variation of a general weirdo issue.

So, yeah, did it, but nah, rather not have it, if I could choose.

Some playful questions...


1. How old were you when you had your first kiss?
2. How old were you when you had sex for the first time?
3. Have you ever walked in on people having sex?
4. Have you ever had phone sex?
5. Have you ever had birthday sex?
6. Name a non-pornographic movie that turns you on?
7. Have you ever used a sex swing?
8. Do you own any sex toys? If so, what?
9. Have you had a one night stand?
10. Back rub or foot rub?
11. Have you ever had an awkward moment where people were having sex and you were present?
12. Have you ever swapped partners?
13. Have you ever experienced DP?
14. Cuddling on the couch or picnic in the park?
15. Have you ever had sex on the beach?
16. Do you like to watch?
17. Ever been filmed or filmed yourself during a sexual act?
18. Have you ever had sex with someone that you were not suppose to? (Boss, teacher, relative).
19. Have you ever had a secret relationship?
20. Are feet a turn on?
21. Have you ever had a long distance relationship?
22. Have you ever met someone in person that you met online?
23. One thing you haven’t done sexually that you are hoping to try.
24. Anal or oral?
25. Have you ever been with someone of the same sex?
26. Have you ever masturbated outside the confines of your home?
27. Drunk sex or stoned sex?
28. Have you ever slept with an ex while no longer together?
29. Have you ever accidentally sent a dirty pic or message to the wrong person/people?
30. Have you ever had someone show a private pic to others without permission?
31. Does your partner have to be shorter or taller than you?
32. Have you ever been with someone that another member of your family has been with?
33. Whip or riding crop?
34. Name a song that puts you in the mood.
35. Have you ever had sex on a plane?
36. Is there anyone that you’ve slept with that you can’t recall their name?
37. Have you given or received road head?
38. Would you prefer receiving/giving a titty fuck or foot job?
39. Name a hard limit of yours.
40. Sex on the hood of a car or the back of a pick up?
41. Shower sex or sex in the rain?
42. If you could change one thing about your physical appearance what would it be?
43. If you could change one thing about your personality what would it be?
44. Kill one, marry one, fuck one? (Name the three).
45. Choking or hair pulling?
46. Would you rather? (Name the two).
47. True or false? (You pick question).
48. Bar or club?
49. Have you ever had sex in the snow?
50. Have you ever had sex with a neighbour? (The house on the left or right, not down the street).
51. Have you ever had sex at a sports venue? (Football field, rink, etc.).
52. Have you ever used something outside the norm to orgasm?
53. Can you recall a time you were cock blocked or twat swatted?
54. Would you rather play dirty doctor or naughty detention?
55. What’s sexier nice eyes or nice lips?
56. What’s more attractive a sense of humour or a sense of style?
57. Ice cubes or wax?
58. Do you prefer a younger or older partner?
59. Ball gag or hand over mouth?
60. Have you ever posted a pic or a video of you committing a sexual act?
61. Did your parents have “the sex talk” with you when you were young? If so, which parent? How did it go?
62. If you had to choose, cowgirl or reverse cowgirl?
63. Morning sex or afternoon delight?
64. Are you vocal during sex?
65. Your socks, on or off in bed?
66. Embarrassing sex moment.
67. Pillow fight or pillow fort?
68. Naked twister or strip poker?
69. Have you ever done a 69?
70. Make you’re own multiple choice question.

Have fun…😈

I’m in the mood to answer nsfw questions 😈

Send me an Ask, anonymous or not! 😁

A Dom I met told me that he wants to own a property, not a slave. What’s the difference between a Master/slave and an Owner/property dynamic?


It’s all just bullshit labeling. Ask him how he distinguishes; I’m going to speculate he won’t be able to articulate it.

My Master and I identify as Master/slave and Owner/property, and for us that’s synonymous and interchangeable. So you could say we are M/s, O/p, M/p, O/s, all at once, and all four mean the exact same thing for us. By our definition being His slave makes me at the same time His property and as my Master He is also my Owner (and of course before that we are simply Dominant and submissive, as well as husband and wife. And before everything else, before all the convenient labels, we are just two people in love). But that’s our personal understanding, there is no general rule for that.


As all labels, they mean whatever meaning you assign to them. You/This Dom can call it however you/he want(s), the point is another:

1) Both partners need to agree on a meaning, whatever meaning that is, that they both understand in the same way. Whatever a Dom thinks, what ‘property’ means, his sub has to share this definition.

2) Both partners need to be able to identify with the assigned, agreed on, shared interpretation, and feel comfortable with the chosen label. (Of course they don’t have to agree on any label at all, if labels make them generally feel uncomfortable, or can come up with their unique, individual one, that describes them best.)

3) As @instructor144 already mentioned, when using labels, and especially when someone makes a point of differentiating them so explicitly, this person should be capable of communicating clearly what exactly they mean by the term they use and how it differs from the other term they reject. If they are able to do that, to give a reasonable explanation, it doesn’t matter what it is, but only that the (potential) partner understands it and agrees, see 1). If they are not able to do that, then this is a clear sign that you’re dealing either with someone who is very inexperienced and so far only fantasized about D/s but doesn’t know what it means in real life (that doesn’t have to be a bad thing if the person is eager to learn, we all started inexperienced, it’s only bad if they think they have it all figured out but in fact have no clue and don’t realize or can’t admit that), and/or somebody who is just playing around using people for fun but having no interest in a serious relationship / Dynamic, and will never show any commitment or responsibility for their role as Dominant (or Master, Owner or whatever) for a submissive (slave, property, …).


In any case… You can only find out by talking to them.

Backup Tumblr Blogs - 2017


There are a lot of methods here. I’ve used the wordpress method but with that you get EVERYTHING with not much control. The one that gives me the most control (and imo the best) is tumblr-utils by bbolli on github. It can be daunting for those who aren’t familiar with command line, however. They do have a Windows guide (tumblr_backup_for_beginners) which walks you through step by step on setting it up and getting it started.

Below is my version of the guide with some helpful tips not mentioned, under read more for length.

Keep reading

Best way to backup your Tumblr blog (tumblr-utils)

Incl step by step instructions/explanations for non-programmers to understand how to use this tool (because no UI, only command line)

If you still find this way too complicated, you can export your content to a WordPress blog, that’s the easiest method. Just Google ‘Backup/Export Tumblr to WordPress’ or the like and you’ll find a lot of info and instructions.



A few nights ago, Dovey told me a secret that she’s never revealed to anyone else. Something dark that affects her to her very core. Something she’s ashamed of and afraid of, and couldn’t bring herself to admit to anyone, ever.

Until now.

She’s the love of my life <3

Thank You Master 🖤 Feeling You being proud of me for growing, as an individual and as Your slave - even and especially if it hurts, but doing it anyway, because it will bring us closer together - makes me so very happy. Thank You for praising me for this, for realizing and appreciating what I did there for You and us, for seeing me, all of me, not only the bright sides, but also the me in the darkness, and not looking away, turning away, but even looking closer, coming closer, and not being appalled, but proud of me for sharing my pure self with You. That You did and do this for me, makes me feel so safe with You.


It really was extremely difficult for me to talk about this to Him. I’ve never talked about it to anyone before. It’s something from my past, that pushed me into a heavy identity crisis of a sort, and to be honest, it is still not resolved completely. How could it be, when I never talked about it, buried it in the darkest corner of my mind… And I still wasn’t able to dig it up entirely, to speak the details out loudly. That’s how much it affects me, that even with my Master I couldn’t do that. Not because I would want to keep them secret from Him, I trust Him with everything, but because I was literally, physically not capable of saying it. I wanted it, I tried to, but my tongue just didn’t move, there was a psychological barrier, that I couldn’t overcome. But with Him, I could say more than with anybody else, even previous partners who I loved and trusted. I’ve never felt so safe, so seen, so unconditionally loved and accepted before in my life, and that enabled me to tear down at least one of the walls I had built around this ‘secret’ to keep it away from the rest of me, to make sure it wouldn’t contaminate me with its poison.

I’m glad that I could tell Him about it, even though it mentally hurt me immensely somehow to do so. - From His side, He learned something new about me, one of the things from behind the walls, and that helped Him understand me better as a whole, with all good and bad elements that I am built of. And that I was able to do it, to let Him look at a part of me that I wasn’t able to share with anybody else before, showed Him how much I trust Him, how close to Him I feel. And from my side, I could finally get something 'off my chest’, that tortured me for such a long time already, I could start to consciously confront myself with it, rather than having it growling and clawing at me from below the threshold of consciousness, and thereby start to heal, or maybe at least learn to accept it, to coexist with my inner demons. And also I had the chance to feel what it really means to be unconditionally accepted, respected, loved, as exactly the person that I am. Not only when I show a pretty smile, but also when I rip open my stomach with my bare hands and smear my bloody guts all over Him. I could see Him stay with me, not running away, not judging or criticizing me, but being present, listening and telling me that it’s okay, that He is not shocked, that He understands.

This was an intense experience for the both of us that brought us even closer together. It let us feel once more how deep our mutual trust in one another really is. It made me feel once more how safe I am with Him. And Him how deeply I surrender to Him, every last part of me, how I open every last door in my soul for Him, how far I let Him reach inside of me…


It’s the difficult, dark, ugly, painful things, that burn hot enough to create a fire, in which the strongest bonds are forged… Thank You, my love, for holding my hand and walking by my side through this fire. You’re the love of my life. You are my world <3

What was your last caning for? And for which things in the meanwhile do you think you could have possibly been caned for?


I wasn’t thinking of anything in particular. My answer was meant generally, not referring to anything in particular.

I’m always obedient; I’m not always disciplined if I’m not forced to be. If a lack of discipline would justify a punishment in His opinion, I would deserve a lot of them. But He doesn’t expect discipline, only obedience. If subs would be perfectly disciplined on their own, we wouldn’t need our Doms for many things anymore.


Still the same caning from the gif and some other posts. I’m almost never disobedient and so far only that is a punishable offense. But I remember Him recently saying something about an intention to become stricter in terms of punishments…

Your property. Your pet. Your toy, Your joy. Your most protected treasure. Yours. - @keepingher 🖤


Melting into each other.


Gute Nacht Tumblr / Good night Tumblr

Where I belong.


A blow job for him. A hand spanking and two orgasms for me. 

I couldn’t begin to guess how many times we’ve done something extremely similar. There was nothing new or hard or unusual or off about any of it. 

But maybe 20 minutes after we had gone back to other things, he startles me a bit when he says “Hey.” in a voice that strikes me as stern at first, but I quickly realize it’s concern.  “Are you okay? You’re too quiet…”

Yes! I’m good. Still subspacey? Trying to get some work done and my brain is just kinda slow. Focusing. But I’m good.

I love that he is still attentive, still concerned, and he still asks at the slightest hint of anything being off, even if what we’ve done is super ordinary for us. It’s a little thing but it makes me overflow with a sense of security and love. 

It’s many little things that make the big picture…

My place is on the floor.

From the Fetlife thread “What it is” (about how to define autism). Just btw and fyi.

when was the last time you deserved a caning?

The last time I got a caning as a punishment is already months ago. If I would have deserved one again after that but my Master decided to be lenient, I don’t know, you would have to ask Him, I can’t read His mind unfortunately but only His actions (actually I can read His mind sometimes but not in general). I deserve what He thinks I deserve.


“Seeing you heals me.”

— Rumi

Not just an empty phrase… It really does. I’m so much better now, that I’m back with you…

What does your current collar look like?

I’m wearing the collar from my Fetlife avatar picture at the moment. It was the first collar that I got from my Master, I made a post about it on Tumblr back then, but without search and tags working I can’t find it anymore.

We switched back to the old collar a few weeks ago, because I got medical problems from the 1kg metal collar. I have a back injury (for a long time already, from a severe car crash at age 14) that worsened a while ago and is since then regularly getting a nerve between my shoulder blades stuck somehow which causes pain and extreme tension in my back, shoulder and neck muscles. Unfortunately I can’t wear a collar this heavy in this condition, even though I like the steel collar very much. But well, priorities (health over kink).

Edit - This one:


My Master just did the cutest, most loving thing for me…

I just came back from my family visit, which turned out to become the most horrible four days that I had in a long time. Sunday I could feel that I’m getting sick, and then additionally my mom told me that she forgot to block one of her Airbnb apartments for me, so that I had to stay with her in her little two room apartment. I love my mom very much, but because of our extremely different characters plus my issues with overstimulation/my need to withdraw from people sometimes (often) to recover, it’s horror for me to be cooped up with her. With anybody (except my Master) already, but especially with her, and especially when I’m sick, and especially when my Master is not with me. But I didn’t want to cancel the trip because my mom would have been very sad, and I can’t stand making my mom sad (in retrospect I should have canceled /rescheduled it, see next paragraph, but I didn’t expect it to become this bad).

So these became the most horrible four days in years for me, I was feeling bad physically already, one night I even had a fever and didn’t sleep, and this no privacy situation with somebody who has the most stressing character to be with for an autist (or at least one like me) you can possibly imagine, really pushed my limits hard. One night was so bad, that I got severely depressed, like I haven’t been in years, and stressed and overwhelmed, so much that if I wouldn’t have had this fever, I definitely would have run away. I would have disappeared from my mom’s apartment in the middle of the night, and by doing that I would have hurt and disappointed her deeply, which is something I would never ever do if things aren’t absolutely unbearable. That’s how much I suffered there. Hurting my mom is already unbearable for me, but I would have done it if I would have been physically capable of leaving; my brain/mind felt like it’s imploding in my head, I had a serious mental breakdown situation going on for four days with no break. This probably sounds extreme for people who don’t know how this overstimulation thing feels like, and I can’t really explain it, but just believe me, it can become really nasty, to a point where the brain shuts down completely and you end up in a mental state of complete apathy, and I was very close to this point. Living with an extremely social, and socially demanding, person like her, with no room to withdraw, is just not possible for me mentally.

Anyway… I was so happy to be finally back home and needed a hug so much, but just as I arrived at the apartment, my Master was in a meeting, so instead jumping at Him I could do nothing but being quiet and wait, which I did (video conference so I couldn’t even get close to Him at all). But I didn’t have to wait for long. As soon as the guy who was speaking in the meeting finished His sentence, my Master said “I have to interrupt the meeting for a moment, my wife just walked in.” and His colleague said something like Okay, call me back, and my Master said Will do, hung up and came over to me, giving me a long close hug and talked to me for a bit. And afterwards, five minutes or so later, He resumed His meeting.

Normally I don’t interfere with His work, of course I don’t want to disturb Him during work and I didn’t expect Him to do this, but He seriously interrupted His meeting for me, because I had such a terrible time and needed a hug so badly. He hung up on His colleagues, just to give me this hug that I needed, immediately instead of having me wait for another 30 minutes or so until the meeting would have been over. - That’s His priorities. Care for me over everything else.

I have such a wonderful Master ♥️♥️♥️

Reminder regarding Fetlife

If you send me a friend request on FL, please send a message with it, letting me know you’re from Tumblr. I won’t accept just any friend request from any person, who looks from their profile like they have nothing in common with me / if their profile doesn’t somehow interest me, if I don’t know that it’s one of my Tumblr followers who wants to stay in touch.

I got a few friends requests by now from random people, who I think did not come from Tumblr, that I ignored. If one of these was from one of you, send another request together with a message please.

Thank you.

Good NY Times article on #TumblrTitanic


Consent is trust.


Consent. Yes it’s a word we’ve heard a lot in recent times and why the heck not? It’s a really progressive thing that we’re actually focusing on consent now, and that it’s not simply a case of “yes” or “no”. The varying types of consent, or a lack there of. Today I want to draw on a situation I found myself in. Not to say “Hey look, aren’t I great?! I did what a human being with a basic moral compass should do!”. This is more about what the amazing potential outcomes of actually taking consent seriously, and understanding it past “yes” or “no”. Without further adieu, here’s a situation my darling pet and I found ourselves in.

My pet was non-sexual when I met her. She was for a couple of years. Sometimes frustrating? Sure, but she was and is worth it. She tried a couple of times to do things, but she just wasn’t able to do so. At least, not whilst she was sober.

Fast foward to a night where we’ve had altogether far too many bourbon and colas for our own good, we’re having  a good buzz and enjoying a movie. Suddenly, she’s coming on to me. She was essentially pawing at my crotch, and making it quite clear that what she wanted was me, and she wanted me in her mouth. Now. She knew what oral meant to  me, as it’s quite a fixation for me. Here’s where I had to make a decision. A fork in the road, as it were. Do I let her do it, or do I stop it? In the end, whilst it was difficult to stop, I knew she wouldn’t consent when she was sober. I wanted that blowjob like you wouldn’t believe, but I wanted her consent more. I gently pulled her up and kissed her and told her I loved her, and that it was in no way HER that was stopping me from doing it, but rather that she was drunk, that I wanted to let her, but I simply couldn’t. We then enjoyed the rest of our night, and 7 years later we’re still together.

This is where things get interesting. I honestly have no doubt that had I let her go down on me, the next morning things would’ve been awkward. Trust would have been shattered, there would have been tears, on both sides. I believe that breaking that trust, that consent would have lead to us not being together today. So whilst sometimes it can be difficult to control our urges when it comes to consent, it truly can be life changing to grit your teeth, and do what you *KNOW* is the right thing, not just go for the instant gratification.

My pet and I now live a healthy sex life. She trusts me, and with her consent, I did a lot of positive reinforcement, and gentle training to help her enjoy things. She now initiates sex, and heck. She’s often got a larger libido than myself, and whilst she will never ENJOY blowjobs, it’s something she’s happy to do for me as something of a….service, I suppose. She enjoys them to a certain extent, knowing how much I love them. (Ps. Custard as a reward for going down, worked brilliantly. Giving her custard after each oral session created an enjoyment of going down, and even starting to smell custard when she went down on me. She loves custard…)

So in the end, you need to ask yourself a big question. Do you respect the person you’re with in the moment? Do you want them to feel safe and to be able to trust you in future? Then take their consent seriously! And even if you don’t really care about that? TAKE THEIR CONSENT SERIOUSLY!!!

My Master did that for me too, on our first date, turning me down though it was obvious that I wanted Him, because under the circumstances He couldn’t be absolutely sure about my full consent.

When we met I was on heavy meds (the sedating kind that numb your brain) and after our date, it was so late that the trains didn’t drive anymore and I was basically stranded in the middle of the night, it was almost 3AM, in Cologne, with no place to stay.

He offered me to stay with Him in His hotel room. I said No. Not because I would have been scared, that He would take advantage of my vulnerable condition and situation - I’m a good judge of character and how He spoke and behaved and treated me during our date told me that He is not that kind of a guy - but because I knew, because of the meds, that I would be the one who possibly couldn’t restrain herself and that I could try to seduce Him once we’re in bed together and I get all cuddly and horny. I was so desperate for affection, attention, validation from another human being at that time. And I didn’t want to ruin it, I felt a real connection to Him and didn’t want Him to think that I would only be into this for sex, I didn’t want to contaminate something deep and emotional with something so superficial and physical as a meaningless first date fuck. So I said No, I said it would be okay for me to spend the night taking a stroll through the city until the first train leaves in the morning.

I could feel that this put Him in a difficult situation, that He apparently felt very uncomfortable with. On the one hand He didn’t want to make me come with Him, against my will, of course, He had no right to tell me what to do, to veto against my plans and use my submissive tendency to follow when a Dominant leads, insists on something, ‘against me’, to make me do something I explicitly rejected. On the other hand He realized that I was putting myself in danger by my plans to walk through a strange, big city, half drugged out, for hours, in the middle of the night, and He felt like it’s His responsibility now, to protect me, since I obviously was not capable of doing it myself in this condition.

He said that He doesn’t think that this is a good idea and offered again to come with Him. He must have thought that I could be scared He could take advantage of the situation, because He made it very clear, that He does not make this offer in order to start anything physical between us, but merely to provide me with a safe place to stay, that He doesn’t expect anything in return but only wants to make sure that I’m not out in the streets at night. I still hesitated, but after His third attempt to convince me, I finally agreed.

On His hotel room I undressed in front of Him, and even though I didn’t touch Him and didn’t say anything sexual - I managed to stay enough in control of myself not to push Him, that didn’t feel right - I think I made it very clear that I want Him and that I’m open to whatever He has in mind. But He didn’t react to that at all. He didn’t even say anything about it, He didn’t openly reject me, He just showed no response to my behavior whatsoever. Then we spent the night arm in arm in our underwear, spoon-ing each other (with a few cm distance in the lower areas), sleeping. And so I did get the affection and attention and validation, that I needed so much, from Him, just not through sex but in a much better way (thank You, my love <3).

I knew that He was telling the truth when He said, that He doesn’t make this offer in the hope or expectation of sex, but only to keep me safe. I wouldn’t have thought of Him as being dishonest or disrespectful, if He would have allowed me to make Him take me, because I knew He meant what He said and it would have been me who changed the game and not Him. I was sure that I would have wanted Him the same, if I would not have been on meds and had a clear head. I wouldn’t have considered it a violation of consent and I would not have blamed Him in any way, if He would have taken this opportunity.

But that He didn’t, told me something about His character, that was worth so much more than a night of kinky fuckery. - From His perspective, not being a mind reader, He couldn’t be sure that this is really what I want. I could have felt obligated to give Him something in return for His good deed to save me from a night in the streets. It could have been the meds that made me behave that way, instead of an expression of a genuine desire. And He had told me that it is not His intention to end up in this situation, and He didn’t want to make a liar of Himself, but show me that He stands by His word, that I can rely on Him. So He turned me down, when I was clearly willing to give Him something, that He of course would have wanted too. But being a decent man was more important to Him than that.

I’m sure I wouldn’t have thought badly about Him if He would have behaved differently. I could already tell, that He is a good man, but well, He’s a man, right? And I’m a woman, standing there almost naked and undressing Him with my eyes. That’s just how things work normally. I wouldn’t have felt violated and I think it wouldn’t have been awkward afterwards. But still, on a subconscious level, it might have done something to us, an abstract insecurity maybe, on both sides, about the other. And that He did behave the way He did, made me feel even more secure with and about Him, and that probably played a role in how our story continued… eventually leading to our wedding (:

I’m so proud to have such a good man by my side!

I love You, Master ♥️

what are those subtle ways he is showing dominance?


Just these ‘normal’ little things, in which a Dynamic like ours expresses itself kind of automatically.

For example..

- Grabbing my hair and pulling my head in a certain position to kiss me. Or pulling me closer by grabbing the ring on my collar.

- Giving me a slap on my ass when I walk by.

- Saying things like “You’re mine” or “You’re such a good girl” etc

- If I have something to do and I’m procrastinating telling (ordering) me “Do it. Now.”

- Taking what He wants, sexually, without asking. Making me work for His satisfaction / orgasms, or using me for this purpose. He is pretty 'selfish’ when it comes to sex, and I love that (so in the end it’s not really selfish anymore since it turns me on too, but whatever).

- Caring for me.

- Making the decisions for us.

- Calming me down when I’m worrying too much about things.

- Teasing me in potentially every context about potentially everything in His very own half sadistic half ironic way. He has a good sense for pushing it just far enough that it satisfies His sadism but doesn’t completely drive me up the walls. Weirdo, haha…

Nothing special, you know, just being in charge in general, taking responsibility, satisfying His wants. But also caring for my needs. We’re just not being 'kinky’ (chains and stuff) at the moment in these super stressful, chaotic times, but it doesn’t need kink to be dominant or submissive.

how often are you chained to fixed points recently?

Still the same answer as four, or so, weeks ago. Recently not at all. We are going through my Master’s immigration process and everything that comes with it like getting a local driver’s license (and for that a 9 hour first aid course and a doctors note about eye sight), finding a suitable place to live, getting papers from Canada and Japan translated, getting dozens of different documents, getting a Canadian marriage legalized in Germany, learning German for the necessary German language Certificate (no immigration without it, not even via marriage visa) etc. We have tons of appointments and things to do, especially I since only I speak the language well enough, so that kink and me being too deep in subspace has very little room in our life right now, but He shows dominance in more subtle ways, that don’t interrupt our current priorities. We’re in hard work-, not in let go - mode for the time being.

What’s the origin of why your Master calls you “Dovey”? It’s a beautiful name :)

I would like to link His own post in which He explained it Himself, but of course the search still doesn’t work… Piece of shit Tumblr…


When He was a child, His family lived right next to a nature preserve and one day a dove came flying from there on their deck and started drinking from His mother’s tea. She refused to leave again so His father built a little nest for her, made of an old box, and she took residence there and stayed. Years later when they moved to another place, ‘Lovey-Dovey’ still lived in her little box on the deck.

He says how I suddenly 'fluttered into His life’ out of nowhere (or out of the wilderness), and just decided to stay with Him forever, reminded Him of Dovey, the little needy weirdo dove from His childhood.

(Cutest pet name background story ever! 💕)


Fetlife Follow

For some reason it wasn’t possible to follow me on Fet until now, this option was somehow deactivated without my knowledge.

Now it should work, so if you want to follow me, that’s possible now.

It appears that if you added me before the Follow was enabled, you cannot just follow me now afterwards. You have to unfriend me again first and then you can follow me.

Do you not have a pet hotel or kennel there? Pet sitters? Cats are even more independent than dogs...

Sure there are pet hotels and Sasha is very independent. But she is used to being alone, she doesn’t like being with other cats, at least not in a small space and in cat hotels you always have many cats in the same room. She was used to having the whole farm to herself (and for a few months the whole house at my Master’s Dad’s place), crowded places make her anxious.

To just put her in this situation suddenly plus abandoning her then would be cruel and could be traumatic.

We will have a car soon, then we, all three of us, are mobile again. Until then we make, we have to make, a few sacrifices to ensure her wellbeing and happiness.

She’s our pet, she depends on us for literally everything. It’s our responsibility to take good care of her, which implies not to do things that would possibly harm her, as long as it’s not absolutely unavoidable. Would we for some reason not have a car long term of course we wouldn’t have a choice than to have her getting used to either train rides or being in a pet hotel, but only for awhile without car, it’s not necessary to put her through this stress.

Fetlife Follow

For some reason it wasn’t possible to follow me on Fet until now, this option was somehow deactivated without my knowledge.

Now it should work, so if you want to follow me, that’s possible now.

Bdsmlr and Fetlife Account

So I set up a bdsmlr account, in case Tumblr starts deleting blogs and/or the community will be moving there at some point.

I’m not currently using this bdsmlr blog, and I won’t be unless it becomes clear that this will be the main Tumblr refuge. I just made an account now already to secure my name.

If you want to follow me there anyway, just in case, you have to go to my blog directly for the search doesn’t work yet. So go to…

… and click the Follow button in the top right corner.


The safest way to stay in touch in any case is still Fetlife though. My name there is also keptmathilda. If you want to make sure to get informed where to find me in the future if Tumblr kills my blog, follow me there please. (I never really used Fet so far, but I will be checking messages, and publish relevant information there, and maybe even move over some of my writings and pictures to have them ‘archived’ in a safe place that probably won’t fall apart.)

Gute Nacht Tumblr / Good night Tumblr

How does a Dom serves? Isn't it the sub job?


I’m multitasking like crazy here, so Imma just leave this right here. Followers?

In every (working, happy, lasting) relationship the partners serve each other, it can’t work any other way, and I claim, that in a D/s Dynamic the Dom serves even more, than a partner in a vanilla relationship (as does the sub, though this seems to be obvious, while apparently it’s not for everybody about the Dom).

A Dominant has a huge responsibility for his sub, because she surrenders (at least part of, or completely, depending on the individual Dynamic) her independence, power, decisions, freedom, sexuality to him. The natural consequence of this surrender is, that the Dom has to take care of his sub. Make decisions for her that improve her life, set rules that help her personal growth, take charge of her life, help her becoming her best and happiest possible self. He frees her from many burdens, by taking them onto his own shoulders. This is a great service, that takes immense commitment.

And in return he will get the same from her, by different means. A different kind of service but for the same reasons and with the same goals.

@anon You seem to understand service in the narrowest possible sense, as sexual service (blowjobs etc) or domestic service (household chores etc) but that’s not what D/s is about. That’s two of the many possible visible ‘symptoms’ but not the core. Care is the core. And care goes both ways. Care is the service that loving partners give each other as a mutual gift, in every relationship.

Why is it sad that tumblr has implemented its policy. If people started pasting sex ads in your books in book stores, would that be okay with you? If your publisher had a policy against it would you say it’s sad? I get frustrated with NSFW tumblrs when they follow my pop culture tumblr. I know they are not interested in comics or movie reviews and when I block them I’ve had to see some pretty disgusting photos and videos.


Because tumblr isn’t a book of mine. It’s, at its best, a community, which includes a number of things, and sexuality is one of the things it includes.

I’ve got about 400,000 people following me here, and I’ve never stopped to investigate what any of them are or what they like. But sometimes I’ll click on the tumblr of someone who’s asked a good question or reblogged with an interesting comment, and found myself in very NSFW places. So assuming that people who like pop culture cannot also like nakedness, sex, or figuring out their sexuality in a safe space, would seem to me like a misguided assumption.

I was impressed by this piece on Medium today: which is far more knowledgeable about these things than I am.

A great article. Definitely worth reading. Even though I’m neither a sex worker nor did I grow up online, and had my sexual experimentation phase long before discovering Tumblr or other communities, it still resonates. - Shame on you, Tumblr, for taking this unique way to explore and express themselves away from all the people who depend on and benefit from it for their income and/or personal sexual freedom, growth and development.


Also, in reference to @neil-gaiman and his (positive) attitude and general tolerance towards NSFW blogs: I follow him almost as long as I run this blog, and in the very beginning I asked him, if it would be okay for him, if I as a NSFW Blog reblog his content. I did/do that with all SFW blogs that I like enough to have the feeling, I could potentially want to reblog something from them, because I know that many people who run blogs, that are completely free of sexual content, don’t want to have their posts on NSFW blogs and/or in between adult content. To be honest, I didn’t really expect him to answer my Ask, considering several hundred thousand followers and the probably dozens of Asks and messages that he must get on a daily basis, but I wanted to try it at least.

He did answer, after only a few days, and let me know, that he is totally fine with me reblogging him. I explicitly wrote that I will refrain from reblogging his content, if I don’t get a go from him, so there was no necessity for him to respond. Also he responded to my Ask privately, so not to show everybody what a great guy he is, but for the mere purpose of answering my question. That impressed me quite a bit.

This Ask he got about NSFW blogs just reminded me of this little encounter I had with him more than a year ago and I felt like sharing it. Not only is he a great author - I always enjoyed reading his books - but apparently also an open minded, tolerant person, who even takes time to personally respond to random fans approaching him with questions. Respect where respect is due.

Random thought:

Do you remember the times before smartphones with their auto completion featured keyboards, when you had to look up how a word is spelled exactly? In my last post, I wasn’t sure if it is ‘appearances’ or 'appearences’ and was like 'yeah whatever, I just type appea and let the auto completion do the rest’. And then I remembered the times when you googled words to find out how they are spelled. And then I remembered the times when you used an actual dictionary, you know this ancient thing with these many very thin papery things inside that tells you stuff about words.

Even though Im young enough (born '87) that there already were computers and even internet back then, we didn’t have a computer until I was twelve ('99) and internet two years later. I still went to the library to do research for papers from 5th to 9th grade and I had an actual dictionary in my room that I used for homework.

Now I feel a little bit older than before this thought..

Could you help with recommendations to German clothing designers middle of the market? I can't afford Chanel. Next year my Master is taking me to Bayreuth. First time ever. People dress up to the occasion. I would like to wear a dress or a blouse designed by Germans to show respect. I'm not thin so I need a designer that caters to size 48. Can spend up to $1,000. I like Geiger a lot. If you know any store I can buy online Made in Germany attire could you please post it? Thanks.

You’re asking the wrong person. Sorry, I cannot help you with that at all.

I grew up in a world where expensive dresses and the ‘right’ brands/designers, appearances in general, were more important than anything else (except money and power) and learned to despise it. For me clothes have to be practical, comfortable, not too colorful and 'minimalistic’ in design, and good quality. I SO don’t care for this dressing up bullshit or events that require it. Got so sick of it a long time ago already. Even my wedding dress was only 200 bucks (Canadian Dollars!). And it was beautiful. And already felt too much 'dressed up’ for my taste, haha..

But anyway, that’s just me personally. Bayreuth sounds super exciting, if you’re not me, and I hope you have fun and will find a wonderful dress (:

Would you like to kiss a girl again, or some "benefits" with a girl? Would you prefer to have submissive feelings towards her?

I’m rather straight (in case there’s anybody left who is not aware of that, gay and straight is not a dichotomy, it’s the two extreme ends of a spectrum), I don’t have a desire in general for girls. It happened once that I somehow felt a connection with a girl beyond friendship (and once that I was just drunk) but that was an exception. If it would happen again and I would be single I wouldn’t mind having another relationship like that though, sure, why not. But I’m happily monogamous and don’t miss anything.

I wouldn’t feel attracted to anybody who isn’t at least slightly dominant, that has nothing to do with gender.

When your husband chained you against your will into your apartment, that was CNC, right? How important is having that in your relationship? How much room should be reserved for it in a long term D/s relationship?

Hmm, no I would not say it was cnc in this case. But that’s a matter of definition, you could call it that way. The purpose was to keep me away from drugs during my detox. That’s something else I think.

Anyway… There is no such thing as ‘consensual non consent’. If you don’t want something to happen, you make it a limit and that has to be respected. If you want something to happen, you consent. This so called cnc is a simulation of a non consensual situation. That you consent to. It’s not an actual non con activity. But doesn’t really matter how you call it.

There is nothing even remotely non consensual in our relationship and we both have no desire to simulate something like this.

How much room that should have in somebody’s relationship is an entirely personal decision. If you’re into it, give it as much room as you feel comfortable with.