August 2018

It was absolutely amazing to read the comments of your mom because it only reinforced the great true love your master and you have for one another. I have a perfect answer for you to tell her each time she says something is abnormal: true love. I don't know if you have this in German but true love is so rare that's it's almost abnormal. Being normal is overrated and boring anyway. Just say "true love" each time. And by the way everything you have described happening between him and you IS true ❤

Thank you (:

You are certainly right, what my Master and I have is ‘ab-normal’, in a good way. And I very much appreciate your kind words, thank you. But just btw…

I don’t agree with the common definition of ‘true love’ (’wahre Liebe’ in German), because 1) it implies that there would be different kinds of love, true love, false love, not false love but not true love either, fake love, whatever else 2) it suggests that love is the only thing you need for a life long, happy relationship. - Both is not correct in my opinion. There is only love, no true love, no false love (then it is just not love but something else), just love. And love is one ingredient of many that are required to be happy together for a long time. Most people experience this usually sooner or later, these relationships where you are madly in love but it just does not work and it breaks your heart and drives you insane. Love is not enough. And that’s not a bad thing, that’s just how it is, how humans, individually and together, work. Look around you, you can see it everywhere.

I just used your Ask to overexplain and be overprecise, that was no criticism directed to you or your words. What we have would most people probably call true love and we are very happy, however you want to call it (:

keepingher:

keptmathilda:

Quotes by my mom about us after spending a few days here with us:

__________

“You’re weird.” (True.) “You’re hugging and touching and kissing each other and holding hands all the time. You spend every minute clinging to each other. That’s not normal.” (lol. Btw technically it’s me clinging to Him all the time.)

“When you cut your finger you came running to him crying…” (I wasn’t crying, I was whining and complaining ‘I cut my finger’!) “… and he came running to you, interrupting his work, with a band-aid and spend whole five minutes comforting you. That’s not normal.” (Why not?)

“Does he give you money to spend for yourself? You should get a job! Do you want to rely for everything you want on your man? That’s not normal!” (No He does not because He wants to control everything. And yes I do want to rely on Him for everything I want.)

[At least ten other things that ended with “That’s not normal!” (‘Normal’ is not a criterion that matters to us. But very much so to her as you can see. But it’s kind of cute.)]

“Don’t get me wrong, I really like him!” (Yay.)

“Looks like you hit the jackpot with him…” (Correct observation/conclusion) “…make sure that he doesn’t run away from you…” (Meaning what exactly?/Thanks mom 🙄) “… but wait, does he even know how that works, running away? He probably doesn’t even know what that is.” (He does, He did end relationships that didn’t work out in the past, but anyway this shows that she begins to kind of understand (parts of) His character, endlessly loyal <3 and socially abnormal, haha.)

“You two are like children.” (Sometimes true. I much more than Him though.)

“You’re the perfect match.” (YES!)

“I’m happy for you. Both of you.”

_____________

Oh well, my mom ❤️

♥️

(The autistic weirdo and the troubled girl from ‘Moonrise Kingdom’.)

Quotes by my mom about us after spending a few days here with us:

__________

“You’re weird.” (True.) “You’re hugging and touching and kissing each other and holding hands all the time. You spend every minute clinging to each other. That’s not normal.” (lol. Btw technically it’s me clinging to Him all the time.)

“When you cut your finger you came running to him crying…” (I wasn’t crying, I was whining and complaining ‘I cut my finger’!) “… and he came running to you, interrupting his work, with a band-aid and spend whole five minutes comforting you. That’s not normal.” (Why not?)

“Does he give you money to spend for yourself? You should get a job! Do you want to rely for everything you want on your man? That’s not normal!” (No He does not because He wants to control everything. And yes I do want to rely on Him for everything I want.)

[At least ten other things that ended with “That’s not normal!” ('Normal’ is not a criterion that matters to us. But very much so to her as you can see. But it’s kind of cute.)]

“Don’t get me wrong, I really like him!” (Yay.)

“Looks like you hit the jackpot with him…” (Correct observation/conclusion) “…make sure that he doesn’t run away from you…” (Meaning what exactly?/Thanks mom 🙄) “… but wait, does he even know how that works, running away? He probably doesn’t even know what that is.” (He does, He did end relationships that didn’t work out in the past, but anyway this shows that she begins to kind of understand (parts of) His character, endlessly loyal <3 and socially abnormal, haha.)

“You two are like children.” (Sometimes true. I much more than Him though.)

“You’re the perfect match.” (YES!)

“I’m happy for you. Both of you.”

_____________

Oh well, my mom ❤️

Random, irrelevant stuff #1

I just almost swallowed a huge disgusting bug that drowned in my coffee. Farm life has its downsides too. Like huge disgusting bugs drowning in your coffee when you turn around for a second.

Good morning Tumblr btw 🌞

LlwMD 3 - Verbalizing pain/discomfort

(Please read my introduction post to #llwmd for a description of this category. Thank you.)


A few weeks ago we were sitting on the deck after dinner and had the following conversation:

I: How are you doing?

He: Terrible. I have a terrible headache. The whole day already, it started right after breakfast.

I: And you didn’t tell me? You have to tell me these kinds of things!

He, confused: Why?

I, confused: Why?! Because…because… I love you! I need to know! (I couldn’t think of an explanation why I need to know when the person I love is in pain at this moment, it’s so much a matter of course to me, I never thought about it rationally before, hence this stupid answer)

He, more confused: But you couldn’t change it anyway. There’s no point in talking about it.

I, finally able to come up with a better answer: The point is that I love you. That implies that I need to care for you, and not making you worse. For example I asked you to help me with dinner because I wanted to do it with you together. If I would have known you are in pain I wouldn’t have asked but let you rest on the couch. I probably worsened your situation, at least I prevented you from getting better. That is terrible. You can’t allow me to do something that hurts you. You have to allow me to care for you. This is important to me. It makes me sad to hurt you, and happy to serve you. Also it’s not necessarily true that I couldn’t change it. Stress and activity make physical pain and discomfort worse, so I could make sure you are as relaxed and un-stressed as possible. And having someone comforting you when your’re in pain helps in general, psychologically I mean. Don’t you feel better when you have someone being there for you, when you’re suffering?

He, confused: I… guess.

I: Meaning, no?

He: Well, a headache is a headache. That doesn’t change…

I: Hm… okay, I see. Then let’s just say it feels always good, headache or not, to have someone caring for you, right?

He: Yes.

I: Then let me care for you. Then I’m happy because I can care for you and you are happy because I care for you.

He: Okay.

I: Okay. Now tell me, how can I help you to feel better right now?

[…]

I hoped the result of this conversation would be that from now on He would tell me when He feels bad. But this didn’t happen. He understood now that and why it is important to me to know how He feels but when He was in an actual situation where He was feeling bad or stressed, He just didn’t think of saying something. The thought to speak it out loud simply doesn’t occur to Him. I thought these situations would trigger a memory of this conversation but that didn’t happen. It wasn’t in vain to talk about this anyway because it made me aware of the problem, and I came up with a solution: Since then I actively ask Him at least twice a day, most times more often, how He is doing, how He is feeling. And when i can see that He is stressed or something is wrong I’m the one to start talking about it and say “You look stressed. Are you stressed? What makes you feel stressed? What can I do to help or support you?” And then He tells me what stresses Him and if there’s something I can do to make Him feel better. And it does help Him that I do that. Of course not because I could do something about the actual stress or pain, because these things are caused by some real world stimulus and the effect never disappears before the cause is eliminated *rollseyes* but because by care and compassion I show Him how much He means to me, that I’m genuinely interested in Him and my need to have Him happy. And that makes Him happy. And me too. Problem solved.


I can imagine that there lies a huge potential for trouble here for neurotypicals. To see it all written down like this, problem - analysis - solution, it’s easy to understand what’s going on and it seems obvious how to solve this. But how many couples have problems comparable to this one, not because they’re autistic but for other reasons, and don’t even know it? They don’t talk to each other and get the feeling the other is shutting them out of their world. Which makes them drift apart. Which makes them talk even less. - Talk to each other! Without judgement! Everybody is different and needs an individual way to cope with their quirks. With some it’s easier and with some it’s harder but for all it is possible when you are willing to understand each other, to learn what’s behind certain behaviors. Don’t just assume someone is doing x because… but ask ‘Why?”! Ask your partner questions and tell your partner about yourself. Communicate. This is the short version of the answer to every relationship problem that ever existed, exists and will ever exist.

Gute Nacht, Tumblr // Good night Tumblr

@keepingher ♥️

Speaking of autism, do you have any experience with autism and BDSM? Do you think that a dominant with autistic traits would be able to identify slight indications of discomfort from a sub who might not otherwise come out to openly say it, even if specifically told to do so?

thedemonsaysimpretty:

instructor144:

That’s a really tough call. I’ve had no experience with D/s and autism. Followers?

@instructor144 may I suggest the anon take this ask over to @keptmathilda and her dom, @keepingher ?

He is autistic, and she is mildly so, but they both answer asks about the topic. They may be able to help.

Thanks for the tag @thedemonsaysimpretty , we’re happy to provide an autistic perspective on BDSM related things.

(’[having] autistic traits’ does not necessarily mean ‘being autistic’ but I just assume for this post that it’s meant synonymously in this case. Also: I cannot talk for or about autists / autistic Doms in general because autism can have many different forms, but only about my own experiences, so I don’t know how much this applies to others. Keep that in mind.)

Having an autistic Dominant / spouse is definitely a completely different thing from a relationship with a neurotypical in my experience. Communication is really the key here. For example I ask my Master every morning and every evening for a ‘Status report’, to find out how he is doing and feeling, physically, emotionally, mentally because He doesn’t tell me on His own. Not because He wouldn’t want me to know but He just does not think about it, the thought does not occur to Him if it’s about something I could not change anyway (no point in talking about it then so the thought doesn’t even enter His mind). Same when I’m feeling bad, He’s getting better at noticing it the longer we know each other but He still has trouble telling when I’m sad, stressed, angry etc, sometimes at all and sometimes He realizes that something is going on but can’t identify what it is exactly. We talk a LOT about EVERYTHING and I ask a lot of questions, and this is really what makes it work. But on the other hand, because He has trouble ‘getting it’, and He knows it, He is more aware of things in some ways than other people. And autists are often very analytical minds, so if you tell them what to look for and how to process this data, they can compensate for a lack of the ability to ‘sense vibes’ subconsciously like neurotypicals do it.

So for the questions in the Ask: A lack of communication (one part not wanting or not being able to communicate something) makes things (more) difficult with an autist. But there’s a way to cope with that. You may have trouble to verbalize what’s going on but your body still communicates. Discomfort causes physical symptoms that you cannot suppress. So what you could do is find out together how exactly your body reacts to discomfort, like sweating, shaking, twitching, voice gets higher or lower etc, and then have your Dom look out for these signs (every Dom should do this regardless btw because in subspace everybody might have difficulties to verbalize things) and if He thinks He notices that you are not doing well, have Him ask you directly “Are you doing okay? Do you want me to stop? Tell me how you’re feeling!” or the like. Assuming that you wouldn’t lie to Him, this should work.

@anon Feel free to ask if you have any other questions about autism and BDSM.

thepowerofpowerexchange:

J

And how many of your (real life) friends know your blogs?

None. Some of the friends I had knew that I’m sexually into sadomasochistic stuff, but I never had any deeper discussions about BDSM in general with my friends. Not because I hide it (I always wore a collar for example in one form or another for over 15 years now), but just because nobody ever asked and I’m too private to bring up something like this myself. Why would I… I’m a very anti social person in general.

Why are you not able to enter the USA?

criminal record.

#no reblogs please

How many people you know in person do know about your slavedom in its full extent?

His close family and friends here know about our blogs. So maybe ten people or so. Im not sure.

Do you carry a ring? Or rather a marriage chain now?

I wear collar and cuffs since last year. And since we are married we both wear our wedding rings.

Have been in cage since marriage?

My mom is here with us at the moment, so no.

Are you getting ways of restraints or other things as signs of submission, which are or can be invisible for public?

I wear the collar you see on my avatar picture 24/7, it’s locked with a padlock that I have no key for. Also I wear my padlocked metal cuffs (in public without chains of course) almost everywhere and all the time, like a special kind of bracelets, but for the cuffs we make exceptions for very formal situations or when there are other reasons why it could be too disturbing for others. We don’t hide our Dynamic or in general individuality and don’t want to bend too much for others /strangers but at the same time are private and considerate people. It’s about balance.

Did your rules change since marriage? Or your submissive feelings to him?

No, our relationship and my submission is the same.

Of course we do feel even more connected in a way now, that we belong together ‘officially’ too with all legal rights and obligations. But it doesn’t change anything about our feelings for each other, our Dynamic or daily life.

Congratulations on getting married! You guys are some of my favorite people on here and I could not be happier for the two of you :)

Thank You so much 🌼

Im rather quiet when it comes to personal contact to people but I do appreciate positive feedback like this, and your occasional smart and ‘deep’ Asks, very much. It makes me smile, so thank you! (:

Also to all of our followers and in general everybody who is happy for us having found each other and/or comments on our content : You’re awesome guys 🌻

I'm so excited for you!!! I want to hear all the details about the wedding. How did he ask/tell you? Spill it girl! (I changed my username btw: used to be vtgrrl)

Thank You so much! 😺 (Also to everybody else who congratulated)

‘All the details’, that’s a lot of details (: Well, let’s see…

He didn’t propose to me or told me, it was different. First we were talking about marrying for practical / bureaucratic reasons, in order to be able (legally allowed) to stay in the same country since we are a EU-NonEU-couple. But then He got a job in a German company and this wasn’t necessary anymore (it’s relatively easy to immigrate to Germany if you’re highly qualified and have a residence and a job in the country, you even get citizenship after seven years if you want to). We didn’t have to marry anymore for Him to stay in Germany and I couldn’t be in Canada anyway even when married to Him, so there were no practical reasons anymore to do it. But we got kind of sad about it and noticed that we really wanted to do it, not only because we have to. So we talked about it and decided to marry anyway. Just because we love each other, want to be and stay together, want to belong together in every way possible. So it was kind of a mutual decision as a result of a conversation, or rather many. Maybe that’s not a very romantic story, but that’s totally us (:

The wedding was at His Dad’s place in Vancouver. His family and friends were there and my mom came from Germany. It was all very private and low key, no dress code, 15 people excl us (already borderline to handle for us rather anti-social creatures but still fine), just a get-together with our beloved and German beer and German bread (which I baked myself). I wore a long white-blue dress, and He was very handsome in His light blue shirt (that perfectly matched His light blue eyes and my medium blue nail polish btw, haha). Rings white gold, ceremony brief but classical, weather semi-good (no sun but no rain either).

30 minutes before the ceremony He accidentally knocked down the hummingbird feeder and spilled all the sugar water over my hair and face which was then all sticky as you can imagine and I had to wash my hair again and redo the makeup. But actually I like it that we had this little accident, because now, and every year on our anniversary again, we have a funny anecdote to tell and remember about our wedding. You know like fifty years from now, sitting in our rocking chairs on the porch, me knitting and Him watching out with a shotgun on His lap for bears that want to steal our plums (of course I wouldn’t want Him to shoot the cute bears and ask Him to let them have the plums) and then I say “Do you remember, my love, on our wedding day when you emptied the hummingbird feeder over my head and ruined my hair and makeup?!” and then we both laugh. Perfect!

Sorry I didn’t answer asks and messages yet, it’s just all so busy with my mom here. I’ll do it as soon as I can

Congrats! In which way were you restrained in the very moment?

My mom was there, His family, almost all of His friends and the neighbors. So I wasn’t restrained. Even though His family and friends know about our lifestyle, we don’t like to drag everybody into these kinds of things. We don’t hide it, like for example I always wear my collar except when my mom is around, but we’re very private about our life in general.

We are married! ♥️

@keepingher - I’m the happiest girl in the world today, and always, for You are the best Master and husband I can imagine. During the last year we’ve been through so much together, You crossed a whole ocean for us, I changed my whole life for us, and now we finally are where we belong, together forever. You’re literally the one person in the world who sees me and loves me as exactly the person that I am, with all my quirks, shortcomings and weirdnesses. Thank You for that, for everything. I promise I’ll do everything in my power to always support You and be there for You, to be the best wife for You I can be. I love You so much. You make my world complete ♥️

Yours. Always. - @keepingher

For this special day of course, the good old…

BABY GIRAFFE!!!

And she has the perfect “You have no idea what you’re getting yourself into” expression too. Very fitting, haha.

@keepingher

Sure. Actually i was trying to ask something like: Do you *involuntarily* make him need to punish you several times a day sometimes? Sorry, my bad English...

Oh okay, I misunderstood you, sorry. Make Him sounded like something intentional to me, but of course it doesn’t have to be.

I do break rules sometimes mostly because I’m so forgetful. But not several times a day, no, punishments are rather rare.

Do you make him need to punish you several times a day sometimes?

I never ever (try to) ‘make’ Him punish me. This kind of behavior is topping from the bottom and totally disrespectful in a Dynamic like ours. It’s basically saying ‘I want to make the decisions here. I manipulate you into doing what I want.’ - I’m not like that.

If you want to get a beating, respectfully ask for it. If you generally enjoy a ‘bratty’ style of Ds relationship (~ “On your knees!” - “Make me!”) you need to find a suitable partner and negotiate that right from the start. To just do it in a Dynamic like ours would be very disruptive. And it wouldn’t work because a Dom who is not into these games won’t take part in them but just get annoyed.

Do you enjoy being made to sleep in that cage?

I don’t sleep in the cage. My Master likes it very much to hold me in His arms at night. And so do I.

How much time is usually between you eventually breaking a rule, and the according punishment?

The punishment follows the infraction as soon as possible of course, that makes the most sense. Normally that’s immediately afterwards or once we’re back in the house at least. If it’s not possible to punish shortly after I broke a rule it happens later but that’s rare since we spend 99.9% of our time alone together at home.

Do you have a guest room for your mother? How will you spend your days with her?

She has an Airbnb apartment for the first five nights in Vancouver, then she comes with us to our place and stays in the RV in the field for we don’t have a guest room in the house, but the RV is basically like a fully equipped apartment anyway. Then she travels around in Alaska and will visit Seattle and in the end stay at the place of my Master’s dad in the guest suite for a couple of days.

We will spend the time showing her around of course, visiting a few places that are worth seeing in BC.

So she’s well cared for here (:

And who was finally right about the shortest way?

Reference

He thinks His way was the shortest, I think mine would have been shorter. We didn’t and don’t agree on who was actually, objectively right. And that’s fine.

In general :
Many people are not able to emotionally separate disagreeing from fighting, a different opinion from an attack. For us it’s fine if we don’t agree on something or have different opinions (mostly we do agree on everything though), He doesn’t feel disrespected when I think, and say that I think, that He is wrong about something for it’s nothing I do (or that anybody does) on purpose but just my opinion and it’s a perfectly natural thing that two people don’t have the same opinion about everything. He actually explicitly wants to hear my opinions. What’s important to us, what’s part of our Dynamic, is that in the end He makes the decision which opinion we act or He acts upon and that I respect this decision, which I always and unconditionally do, no matter if it matches how I would have done it. He is the boss, He decides, and that makes us both happy. But I’m a human being and His partner in life so I have my own opinions, that matter to Him and that He takes into consideration. So He may technically not always be right about everything (because He’s also human after all, even though most times He is right just because He’s a super smart and knowledgeable specimen of a human), but I’ve never seen Him making an unreasonable decision about something. And that’s why I can trust 100% in His decisions, even when I have a different opinion about what’s technically correct. But this is so rare, it almost never happens anyway and if it does, then only about these tiny things like the best route back to the car. So whatever..

Were/are either of your parents into BDSM things, however they might have been named earlier?

No, not as far as I know.

When your mother is around, you are probably not able to be punished? Can you now do what you want? Are you free of chains now?

I don’t wear chains but I can of course not do what I want. Our Dynamic stays the same, only the indicators are not (as) visible right now.

If I would break a rule here my Master would punish me in the evening when we are alone and tell me to keep quiet I think, but ask Him.

How much does your mother know about your style of relationship, or much do you need to hide, when she is around?

My mom knows on a superficial level that we have rather traditional gender roles and that He is generally in charge. But she doesn’t know anything about specific BDSM stuff.

The concept of dominance and submission is nothing alien to her, even though she wouldn’t call it dominance and submission. By character she’s a submissive herself, but she wouldn’t call herself one.

When we picked her up at the airport yesterday my Master and I had different opinions about the shortest way back to the car and in the end, of course, I said ‘okay’ and we went His way. My mom asked what that was about and I said ‘I think we’re making a detour now and He thinks this is the shortest way’ and my mom said “You know - the man is always right”. She doesn’t think that men actually are always right, but that in the end you should go with what they think is right. That’s a pretty submissive thing to say and do…

But that’s just a traditional thing for her, she has no clue about BDSM and wouldn’t understand it. To drag her into this would only make her unhappy and worried and so us too.

Have you ever been conditioned for behaviour correction?

The establishment of rules and punishment is THE way to condition for certain behaviors. So yes, of course.

What did you get instead of a birthday present ?

A wonderful Day with His undevided attention!

We didn’t make each other physical birthday or Christmas presents. The concept is weird. Okay, that’s probably an autistic thing but for us it is. If you want to make your loved ones a gift, you just do it. Why would you wait for a specific day. That only causes unnecessary issues. Now you’re under obligation to find something exactly at this time, even though maybe there isn’t really anything he or she needs or wants / can think of right now (that’s why the Dads get the same Whiskey every year and the Moms the same perfume, rather stupid), but maybe a week later there is. So you get something you don’t need this year and have to wait for something you do for another year, because we are supposed to fulfill wishes on birthdays? If you feel like getting her flowers you wait til February 14? I don’t get it. If my Master feels like making me a gift He just does it. If I feel like I really really want to have something I ask Him.

Aaah, we are so wonderfully compatible ♥️

I'm very late asking this, sorry, but did you have a nice birthday?

Yes I did. I’m not a fan of birthday parties or presents or this whole nonsense (same goes for Christmas, anniversaries etc) but I like my birthday and it makes me the happiest when someone I love - this year, and from now on every year, my Master - tells me that it makes Him happy that I’m there and with Him. I had a great birthday (:

My mom is in Canada! Yay! Or as we would say in German: Juhu!

Is she forced to quit smoking by her owner? Will she learn to resist, or is she made physically unable to smoke? is the conditioned for that?

Quitting an addiction is something you can hardly ‘force’ to happen. I want to quit for a long time already, I quit the first time a decade ago and made it for three months, then relapsed and just gave up on it.

My Master always said right from the start that He wants me to quit, He never smoked and none of His family and friends do, and that He expects me to do it. And I agreed. No force, just a lot of strong incentives now for me to make that choice and finally pull it through. Quitting an addiction always has to be a choice, made by the addict, no matter by what methods, just stopping or having the possibility to continue taken away, you finally do it. You have to want it yourself or it won’t work, you would find a way sooner or later to go on with your addiction.

I won’t have the possibility here to continue smoking because there are no stores nearby where I could get cigarettes, the closest is a 30 minutes car ride away, and I have no own money here anyway. That will help a lot. My Master will help me by keeping me distracted and just being supportive as He always is about anything I do. And He wouldn’t have to force me to do things that are important to Him and that make Him happy anyway, I love Him, so naturally I want to do these things for Him.
___________
Also: For the third time - I ask you not to talk to me about me in the third person. I consider that rude, no matter how it’s meant, so please be polite and don’t do it. / If you have questions about me you want to have answered by my Master, write Him an Ask on His own blog @keepingher

Yours @keepingher

Thank You for everything you’ve done and do for me. I’ll spend the rest of my life making You happy. And I’ll spend the rest of my life being happy for having such a good Master, such a good man by my side. I love You, Master ♥️

To what extent is she less destructive to herself now, or would be if you would let her freedom?

keepingher:

Here’s the thing about self-destructive behavior: You can’t force someone to stop being self-destructive; that’s merely treating the symptoms. You’ll have far greater success targeting the underlying forces that lead to the symptoms.

So what are the causes of self-destructive behavior? Anxiety and insecurity, primarily. The self-destructive behavior could be active (such as cutting), or it could be more passive (such as hiding from a decision until it’s too late to decide).

We humans like things to be in general predictable. Without predictability, you don’t have the assurance of a future you’ll like, and that causes anxiety. A more dominant personality wants to control and shape that future predictability. A more submissive personality dreads such responsibility, and prefers instead to focus on the well being of another person who does take such responsibility.

With well-defined, unchanging boundaries and obligations, a submissive person feels more secure, and thus less anxious. Constant reassurance of those things never changing, and of them being cared for, will further reduce anxiety. Knowledge that their SO is strong enough to rise to any occasion, neither faltering nor stopping until they succeed, reduces anxiety even more. And, of course, knowing that they’re loved, and that their SO will always forgive their transgressions and shortcomings, makes for a peaceful mind.

It is this peace which reduces the drive towards self destructive behaviors. I’ve forced Dovey to make the decisions only she can make, and I’ve taken other decisions away from her. She hasn’t cut since shortly after we met, her affairs are mostly in order, her drug use has stopped, she’s eating right, she lives in a clean environment, and she’ll quit smoking in a few days. Even her mother has noticed, and spontaneously called her by an old pet name that she hasn’t used in a decade.

Yep, that’s basically it: Security kills anxiety kills self destruction.

I really was the Queen of self destruction among the still living, first through cutting, later through drugs and that were only the most visible signs. Quitting everything that would have made my life better or easier aka self sabotage - in my case deliberately dropping out of medical school and law school despite best grades, quitting several therapies, cutting contact to family and friends, ending relationships, becoming a criminal etc you know, the usual stuff - are just another way to self harm.

And all of this comes mostly in one way or another from some form of anxiety.

Having someone by my side who makes my life predictable is definitely the key for me to recover from these kinds of mental health issues. My Master is an incredibly responsible person and this kind of person who leads by example not orders. He takes away my insecurities just by being there and being who He is.

But no matter how perfect He is, that wouldn’t help me if I would be constantly scared to lose Him again at some point. That’s another important factor. He gives me the feeling that He will always be there, no matter what. And I’m able to feel this way, to actually believe that this, to always be there, is His honest intention, because we are such an exceptionally compatible match. Not only am I not afraid that He would leave if shit hits the fan, I’m not even afraid that He would leave if I would go crazy again and throw shit at the fan. He would just cuff me or keep me locked up in the basement or so and care for me until I’m back to normal, haha.

It’s a lot of different things that contribute to this kind of change but in the end it’s all about love and stability.

I love You so much @keepingher ♥️

If your mom ever came to live with you how would you hide the master slave dynamics? Would it not be a bit challenging and would your master agree that you eat normally sitting by the table etc? Is your mother's visit to Canada her first one? I am certain she'll love it. When she was younge, was age a doctor? I don't know why but she sounds so smart. I think Germany is going to change in some unfavorable ways. We are hoping to visit next year in the summer and praying it won't be so hot.

My mom wasn’t a doctor, she was for the longest time the head administrative manager for a big German TV network and later for other companies. Now she is kind of a full-time landlord (7 apartments in 2 countries) and works as a volunteer in a hospital, just for charity reasons, keeping the patients who don’t have family visiting them company, comforting them, getting them stuff they need from outside the hospital etc. She is a very caring person.

If she would need care herself one day, I would do the same for her that she did for her mom. Visit her every day (so we would have to move close by) and do what I can do, and if necessary, hire a 24/7 nurse to live with her in her apartment. That worked well with my grandmother.

Of course my Master wouldn’t expect me to eat from the floor in front of my mom or things like this. We adapt to the circumstances. We’re living in the real world, we occupy the world together with other people, you have to be flexible, practically and mentally, to make life work well for yourself and others.

are you slave for avoiding responsibility, even for yourself?

No. I’m happy to have in some ways less responsibility and other responsibilities than I had and would have on my own or in vanilla relationships because it’s a very special form of freedom. But I don’t think an Ms Dynamic could ever work if you start one for this reason.

Being a slave implies being a certain kind of submissive. And that’s something you cannot ‘become’. It’s a combination of character traits, a certain personality, so something that you are primarily born with and that to some degree is shaped and develops through experiences.

Giving up responsibility is one aspect of a Master slave Dynamic amongst a hundred others, which would make you rather to very unhappy if you’re not ‘this (very rare) kind of person’ to fit the role. To start one for this one reason would be like ordering a meal with 100 ingredients and you only like a single one of those. Result: You throw it up or you’re not able to swallow it in the first place.

I’m as happy as I could possibly be with my relationship in its entirety and only want more of it (:

Btw you do have responsibility as a slave, you have responsibility in every relationship and especially in a romantic relationship, by nature. It’s just a different kind of responsibility compared to a typical vanilla life but I wouldn’t say it’s less. A Master slave Dynamic is automatically a big responsibility for both, it requires a lot of work, communication, awareness from both sides and also practically will a life together just not work if you don’t share at least some responsibilities. I just don’t have some of the typical daily life responsibilities just naturally like many other people but because my Master decides to give me responsibility for something.

Why don't you want to have child?

● I don’t want the change. A child turns your whole life upside down, for the rest of your life. My life, as it is now, is perfect, I’m as happy as I can imagine to be. ‘Never change a running system’, you could easily fuck things up.
● I don’t want the responsibility. I don’t want to have somebody’s life and health and happiness and future depending on me, my strength, my discipline, my skills etc., that’s just scary. Also there’s a chance I would fail and I really wouldn’t want to live with the consequences of this kind of failure. Too much at stake.
● I lack some of the necessary character traits that make a good mother. I’m an extreme introvert, I don’t like to talk to people, I don’t like to socialize, anything else but isolation drains on my energy so much that I need time to recharge in between encounters with other human beings and even my own family is not excluded here. There is no real timeout when you have a child and ‘social timeout’ has to be my default status in order for me to not feel mentally and emotionally exhausted all the time.
● I’m autistic. My Gods are completion, precision, correctness, theory and symmetry. It already kind of hurts my brain only to say ‘Me too’ (I don’t, I say ‘So do I’) because it is (in most cases) technically grammatically incorrect and that it has just been declared ‘correct’ by linguists because it has become 'the norm’ long enough ago makes it even worse. And that’s just one tiny example of hundreds for my obsessions and weirdnesses and my real-world-intolerance, can you imagine how an irrational being like a child would mess with my world?! I would go insane. (And drive the child insane too.)
● I don’t have this strong desire to reproduce that seems to be normal for other people. I just don’t feel it. This alone is reason enough already.

Preemptive strike:
I’m aware that this is a rather unpopular position especially for a woman. I don’t care, this is my personal choice, please don’t annoy me with intolerance. I don’t say or think having children (for autists, introverts, slaves and everybody) would be a bad idea, it’s a great idea for everyone who wants to have children and feels capable of caring for them, the world definitely needs more good! people so whoever feels destined to produce them, please do, by all means. It’s just not my path. Also, general note: “It’ll all be different once you actually have a child / You cannot know how it will be / Your life will be so much happier /…” is not an argument. Yes, I don’t know if everything would become even better if I would do x, have a child, open a zoo, jump from a bridge… - you don’t do stuff that would change everything and just hope for the best, that’s fucking stupid. You do stuff when you’re convinced before doing it that it will change things for the better. And everything I know about myself and my life tells me in this case it wouldn’t.

******
TLDR: Because I don’t want to.

“Have you never heard of this song?”

… is something I hear from my Master at least once a week. We are talking about something, could be anything, and like one out of ten times something I say reminds Him of a song. But not just some ‘normal’ song, nothing’s ever ‘normal’ about Him. No, we are in the middle of a conversation and then He suddenly starts singing something like this:

————–

Birds do it. Bees do it. Even educated fleas do it. Let’s do it.” 

(Cole Porter - Let’s Do It. 1928)

*****

“A mule is an animal with long, funny ears

He kicks up at anything he hears

His back is brawny and his brain is weak

He’s just plain stupid with a stubborn streak

And, by the way, if you hate to go to school

You may grow up to be a mule”

(Bing Crosby - Swinging on a Star. 1944)

*****

“I used to have a girlfriend,

But I guess she just couldn’t compete,

With all of these love-starved women,

Who keep cowering at my feet. […]

Oh Lord it’s hard to be humble

When you’re perfect in every way

I can’t wait to look in the mirror

Cause I get better looking each day.”

(Mac Davis - Hard to be Humble. 1974)

*****

“Particle man, particle man.

Doing the things a particle can.

What’s he like? It’s not important.

Particle man.

Is he a dot, or is he a speck?

When he’s underwater does he get wet?

Or does the water get him instead?

Nobody knows. Particle man.

Triangle man, Triangle man.

Triangle man hates particle man […]”

(They Might Be Giants - Particle Man. 1990)

*****

“Mean Mister Mustard sleeps in the park

Shaves in the dark trying to save paper

Sleeps in a hole in the road

Saving up to buy some clothes

Keeps a ten-bob note up his nose

Such a mean old man“

(The Beatles - Mean Mr. Mustard. 1969)

*****

“Well I’m rather upper class high society

God’s gift to ballroom notoriety

And I always fill my ballroom

The event is never small

The social pages say I’ve got

The biggest balls of all

I’ve got big balls

I’ve got big balls

They’re such big balls“

(AC/DC - Big Balls. 1976)

*****

“If I had a million dollars (if I had a million dollars)

I’d buy you a fur coat (but not a real fur coat that’s cruel)

And if I had a million dollars (if I had a million dollars)

Well I’d buy you an exotic pet (yep, like a llama or an emu)

[…]

If I had a million dollars (if I had a million dollars)

Well I’d buy you a green dress (but not a real green dress, that’s cruel) […] “

(Barenaked Ladies - If I had a million Dollars. 1992)

————

Just a few examples. I can’t remember all of them now, but (Him starting to sing) something like this out of the blue interrupts our conversations on a regular basis. And then, when I look at Him like He would be from another planet (I’m starting to suspect He really is) and, dying from laughing, ask ‘What the hell is this?’, He says totally seriously ‘Have you never heard of this song??’ as if it would be totally normal for everybody to be a walking weirdo-songs-library.

@keepingher - Just another reason why I love You so much and why my life is just perfect because of You! <3

Poor birdie

Occasionally we have birds hitting the windows and normally it either doesn’t really affect them at all or they are stunned for a few seconds or minutes and then fly away. Every time we hear the bird-window-clonk sound we check around the house for stunned birds because the cat knows this sound too and that it means an easy catch so we keep the birds away from her until they have recovered.

But this time, for the first time, a bird was unlucky enough to hit the window in such a bad angle or weak spot on his head that he got severely injured. At first we thought he would just be stunned but instead of recovering he started bleeding out of his beak and couldn’t hold his head up anymore and had trouble breathing. Eventually we decided to kill him because it was only getting worse and it became obvious after a few minutes that he would not survive this so we wanted to spare him the suffering.

Poor little birdie 😿

Are you flexible enough to wear irish8 on your wrists behin your back? did you enjoy it?

I cannot do that because of nerve damage in my arms. My hands get numb very quickly when my arms are bent to much no matter in which direction and backwards is the worst of course.

Are you allowed for pubic hair?

No, my Master doesn’t like pubic hair, I shave every other day.

Btw Canadian razors are so much duller than German ones (same brand, same model but in Canada you have five duller blades in one razor for cheaper and in Germany three sharp ones for twice the price). They work but you have to apply so much pressure to make them work. If you would use a German razor like a Canadian one you would shave your skin off. Took me a few tries to find out about that, haha.