June 2018

Do you still feel depressed from time to time?

Not as often anymore but sometimes the depression still creeps in. It kind of changed from a Siamese twin to an occasional visitor. That’s a big improvement I think.

Is your hair red or brunette? I can't tell from your photos. Either way its beautiful.

My mother’s hair is brunette, my father’s is red. I’m brunette with some single red hairs in between. So usually it looks brunette but under certain light conditions it looks more or less reddish brown.

Thank you.

A day in the life


Me: I’m horny.

Dovey: Serve yourself.

Me: Works for me! (drags her by the hair)

I must admit I was a little bratty in this moment. I was lying on the couch and just really really didn’t want to move. Not that this would normally be a reason not to jump when my Master calls for me but… I don’t know, I’m just soooo tired today. I wasn’t tired anymore after lifted up a foot by my hair…

I’m not a brat by character (I never did this before), but alas… these days, you know… And I know my Master has a good sense of humor and knew how I meant it (:

Dream diary #idk,fourorso* - My simple mind

A typical example from a minute ago for how my brain turns whatever I did or thought about in the evening into dreams:

Before going to bed we watched a movie where someone tried to enter a forest but every time she came close a bunch of crows came flying at her and shouted this annoying ‘krah krah krah’ right in her face. Before that I was looking at the baby giraffe picture I linked in my last post and I remember thinking 'Giraffes have long legs and necks, that’s so cute’ (lol). So here’s what the dream department of my brain made of this:

Cawing flamingos! 😹

The flamingos were literally standing on each other’s backs to form a square shaped wall (this was inside an apartment btw) and when I walked by the wall the flamingo who was closest to me (my face) cawed at me. So while passing by first the first flamingo second line (the line of flamingos who stood on the backs of the ground-flamingos, because these were on the same height as my face) cawed right in my face, then the flamingo second in line and so on. When I moved away from the wall the flamingo who cawed last continued but reduced the volume a little bit with every step I walked away. You know like these proximity sensors in cars that beep louder the closer you get to an obstacle.

Hahahaha, what a great thought to wake up with in your head. A proximity sensor wall of cawing flamingos. - The proximity sensor theme was certainly a late processing of the little accident I caused two weeks ago, even though I didn’t run into a wall but close enough for a dream I guess, btw and flamingos are kind of the giraffes among the birds right?! Makes perfect sense… I love my brain, it’s so funny 😸


*I just woke up a literal 30 seconds ago and my higher brain functions need 30 minutes and a coffee to boot, I’ll research the correct number later.


(I’m not sure where this is coming from but somehow my Master has a thing for giraffes. Isn’t that cute?! 😻)

How kinky was your first night with her?


Super kinky!

First, we stopped by a local bar for some kolch. Then we went to the cathedral to watch the bats hunt, and to admire the restoration effort.


After that, we retired to my hotel room because she was massively drugged out and barely coherent, the trains were no longer running, her phone was dead, she had nowhere to go and was completely at my mercy.

And then…

We cuddled and slept.

Isn’t He perfect?! 😻

No wait… @keepingher it’s spelled Kölsch! And I just praised you for being perfect… kolch…Unforgivable!!!

Are you now under spanking maintenance?

Nope, no ‘maintenance pain’. I couldn’t say I’m unhappy about it, I don’t need more pain than what I get and everything works fine for us without it. If my Master would want to do maintenance spankings of course I’d be fine with that, I’m a servant and all service makes me happy (even though that’s not really what maintenance is about), but I don’t have the feeling it would be something we necessarily need at this point.

So you were not chained for soccer it seems? Why?

Chained is the ‘default mode’. But sometimes for practical reasons it makes sense to take them off, this could be anything, for example muscle aching/being ill or when there is something to do that either requires free arms or makes it extremely difficult to do it in chains (plus my Master is not in a sadistic mood) or sometimes when I’m just freaking out from this restricted movement all the time, ask for a break and He grants it.

Read this, same principle. We have a rather practical approach to life incl bdsm. There are in general no universal rules in this world for us, we do whatever makes sense and not because something ‘has to/is expected to be’. We adapt.

Hallo mathilda.


The cat obviously hates me!
I know, it doesn’t look that way on the picture, but the context is what matters here: Germany is playing (FIFA Worldcup (soccer)), right now, and during the whole first halftime the cat ignored me. Which is rather considerate of her since I don’t have time for other things during a Germany game anyway. But then, the second the halftime break started, my only chance to have a cigarette without missing anything, she jumped on my lap and started being cute, too cute not to remain still and pet her. And when the break was over she walked away again. Now I have to have my nervous breakdown cigarette (Germany is not doing too well) after the break and I’m sure I will miss a goal, just because Murphy.
So… The cat hates me.

Update: I didn’t miss a goal. And Germany lost. 0:2 against fucking South Korea*, that’s ridiculous. I’m seriously annoyed.
*nothing against South Korea in general, it’s just, they beat us in soccer so they temporarily suck now.

Does she have a kink about the locking mechanism?


But I have a ‘thing’ for locks that don’t break and can be opened fast and easily if necessary when I’m locked up in them. Which I am. All the time.

I could leave it here, but this Ask is, unintentionally, basically targeted at my German patriotism, so… no I cant, sorry:

90% of all lockable cuffs have crap locks, compared to (good) padlocks. People outside of Germany just don’t know it because they don’t know what a good lock is. Germans are spoiled in this way, we have ABUS locks, just objectively the best locks in the world, everywhere, because it’s a German company, located and producing in Germany, for almost a literal century now - that’s the same thing as what I recently wrote about cars, that we have Mercedes and BMWs everywhere, that even our taxis are Mercedes or BMWs. Same with locks, they sell ABUS locks here everywhere, at gas stations, drug stores, supermarkets, for a few bucks. And it’s not only about padlocks but all locks. In the beginning of His time in Germany my Master asked me something like ‘Why do you have these high security locks here everywhere, even in small cheap apartments?’ and I was like high security whaaat? Are you kidding me, these locks (He was referring to, the standard German door lock) are the lowest security locks we have. These are the shitty locks, the secure ones are different. And since I saw the locks in Canada, which are the same as in the USA, I understand His confusion. What they have here to lock their actual houses, with all their stuff inside, hell, with their families inside, is what wouldn’t even qualify as a lock in a teenager’s lockable diary in Germany. That’s why alarm systems for houses are so popular here, and a rarity, a ‘really rich people’s thing’ in Germany (no average person has one). Anyway, being a German you automatically know what a good lock is, it doesn’t break, ever, during your lifetime, and probably neither during the next four generation’s lifetime, it opens as easily and smoothly as a hot knife cuts through butter and it’s not to open without the key or heavy tools (if at all by tools). That’s your standards for locks.

So no, I don’t have a kink for locks but I have, almost genetically, high standards for locks and especially when I’M IN THEM.

Hi Mathilda! My dom asks me to tell you that he loves and adores your blog! We both think you are an amazing couple! We're you a D/s couple from the beginning? Chained you from first date? Greetings from Berlin!

Hi freebyrestriction,

thank you for these kind words, very much appreciated (: I’m happy to hear you like our blogs.

We met on Tumblr through our blogs so we both knew right from the start what the other one is looking for and yes, we always were Ds - meaning the underlying structure of our relationship, the general hierarchy, but due to the special circumstances we gave it some time to let it manifest in our daily life in a natural way, and in general we both prefer an organic approach to Ds rather than planning everything out from the start, making rules, chaining, punishing, eating from the floor etc from day one.

We first met a month after we first talked and moved in together, ie Him moving from Canada to Germany, another two months later (which is insane and normally a set up for failure, it was my unique situation that made this necessary and we were lucky that it worked), so it would have been crazy to start where we are now at this time. Trust takes time to build and we didn’t have this time before we just more or less spontaneously decided to get involved, as Master and slave (or back then maybe rather Dom and sub), with each other. So no, He didn’t chain me up right from the start, or hurt me (much) or the like. This evolved over many months, and still is evolving.

We both had a gut feeling that we’re having someone and something special here - otherwise we wouldn’t have gone to such great lengths after this short time to be together in the first place - we really really wanted this to work, so not to rush things was the right approach. We needed time to get to know each other first, we needed to see if we even develop real romantic feelings for each other, beyond this initial excitement you always have about new relationships, before starting with all this Ms-stuff. Because we were both looking for more than just some Master-slave-arrangement but a serious long term relationship. And you can’t force this.

So yea, in the end everything happened pretty fast, but none of the things we do now were happening from the beginning. We started as a ‘normal’ couple only with Him in charge of everything, but He took His time to actually use this position/power to make sure we build an emotional basis first - Isn’t He perfect?! 😻

Thanks for the Ask, best wishes to the both of you.

Come on now.. You looked so freaking sexy when your Master punished you. We all know he can afford a new set of light, or actually, thousands of them because he's a millionaire. I don't think he punished you to teach you a lesson but because it aroused him.

Well thanks, for the ‘sexy’ part.

My Master doesn’t ‘punish’ me because it arouses Him, He can hurt me whenever He wants just for the sake of His pleasure. He doesn’t have to wait until I’m doing something wrong and He doesn’t. But when I do, some punishments can certainly be arousing and I think in this particular case it was. That’s not common for Him though, in general He strongly dislikes it to punish me. - Also read this.

[sarcasm] ‘You all know’ things about us we never wrote anything about - how did that happen?! Now I’m scared… What else do you all know? :o [/sarcasm]

Are you plugged when in public, and when with friends? Or relatives?

24/7 implies that I think…

What cuffs are for which situations?

The daily chains are my default wear. When my Master wants me to wear other cuffs He replaces them. I wear what He feels like making me wear.

Can you plug and lube yourself when in chains and cuffs?

Normally yes (when wearing the standard cuffs).

Is your collar locked? Any chance to remove it on your own for like an metal detector?

No chance to unlock it on my own. It’s 1kg solid metal and an ABUS lock.

How did you find out the optimal length of your chains between hands and feet? Does it change, or might they change in future?

Trial and error. Short enough that they have a restraining effect, long enough that they don’t fuck up my joints (for I wear them all the time).

For health reasons I don’t think that the daily wear chains will change. But we have chains in different lengths and different cuffs for different situations.

Are you typically plugged for being fucked?

I’m typically plugged all the time.

Not to ask something potentially dumb, but what if you have to go through a metal detector?

That’s not a dumb question (coming from an American) don’t worry. Actually this is kind of a ‘cultural differences’ matter I think.

I can imagine that wearing a collar, cuffs (that you can’t take off on your own) and plug all the time can be a problem in the USA since you have metal detectors everywhere. Because you have guns everywhere. I tell you where we have metal detectors in Germany (/Europe)… at airports. We don’t have them in schools or universities, we don’t even have them in courts (they only install temporary detectors when there is a Hell’s Angels, or similar, kind of trial going on and even then only when it’s about something serious like murder or so), we don’t have them in public buildings (except in our Parliament in Berlin or other high ranking governmental offices, ministries and such). And I would guess there is one in the US embassy just as a matter of principle, haha. And that was pretty much it.

I’s almost impossible to just accidentally run into one, you know beforehand when and where you will encounter one and can prepare (take everything metallic off) like we did it for the flight here. So if you don’t plan to do something very much out of the ordinary you will never see one. In fact I haven’t seen a single metal detector outside of an airport in my whole life so far. And I lived the first 18 years of my life in our, at this time, Capital (no it hasn’t always been Berlin) as a politicians child, and even there were none, anywhere, for this metal detectors thing in governmental buildings is a rather recent development. – So no, no problem at all.

Does it now feel strange when being without a plug?

No, it doesn’t feel ‘strange’ for me not to wear a plug. I didn’t wear it for almost two months because of the detox and it didn’t feel strange. But I like to wear it, because it reminds me that my body is not mine. Just for my own sake I wouldn’t wear it, I do it because my Master wants me to and to do what He tells me to do makes me happy and feel owned.

It’s different with my collar. Not to wear it (I had to take it off once for a family visit and three times in a hospital), feels extremely strange and totally wrong. During the detox the one kilogram of metal around my neck felt like ten and at night when lying in bed it felt like it’s choking me, but I still didn’t want to take it off because I need it, it just has to be there, when I don’t feel it there’s something missing, something essential.

I don’t have this as much with my cuffs, even though I wear them all the time too, and even less with the plug. I still like it very much to feel all of these as a reminder of my Master’s ownership and control over me.

What things can you make desperate? Sexually?

‘Desperate’ for sex/orgasms? Not part of my physical, mental or emotional repertoire.

Nothing makes me ‘desperate’ sexually. I’m just a little closer to the 'asexual’ than the 'all time desperate’ end of the scale.

But all kinds of sexual and various kinds of not (directly) sexual stimulation can make me horny/want an orgasm like any other person. Just not as much that I would call it a need, let alone a desperate one, but more a (potentially strong) want/desire.

Does this mean you don't think your master can Improve you or your behaviour by punishments?


Of course He can improve my behavior. But He can’t make me not human anymore ~ change that I will make mistakes, that I’m not infallible. And I don’t see how pain could improve driving skills. Being a good or bad driver depends on (driving-)experience (incl having been exposed to difficult situations and mastered them or learned from failure), related to that certain skills, reaction time, the ability to anticipate future events/changes from present conditions, spatial sense/awareness, flexibility, knowledge of the traffic rules, a ‘feeling’ for (the behavior, weaknesses, strengths, limits of) your particular vehicle, different kinds of vehicles, different car brands, different models behave differently (weight and shape, ~balance point, tires, engine power, brakes, ESC or ABS or not etc) eg what makes an SUV roll over is fun driving with a sports car, ability to focus…

Okay the latter, focus, can definitely be improved for example by pain I think, but overall I think it’s impossible to ‘make’ a good driver by punishing ‘bad driving’.

He didn’t punish me to make me a better driver, He punished me for crashing His headlight because I got myself distracted for no good reason which would have been avoidable.

I could not find a pic showing your night chain... Is there one?

Search on His blog for ‘daily wear’.

Did the spreader bar and the pain now make you a better driver?

I’m an excellent driver. But I’m just human, I make mistakes and have flaws like everybody. Both things won’t change no matter what anybody does to me.

Do you feel micromanaged when he puts you like in irish8?

No. Restraining me has nothing to do with micromanagement, that’s something completely different.

Why is volume 21 worse than 23?

Because 21 is almost a perfectly even number. It’s too close to 20. As in ‘almost there, but not quite’. That disturbs my inner harmony.

How can you use the bathroom when chained for sleep?

The chains are long enough to walk in them / use my hands (there should be pictures on our blogs), even though it’s uncomfortable. But we plan to switch from the daily wear chains at night to a chain between my ankle and the bed. Then I won’t be able anymore to leave the bed without His help.

Are you allowed to remove your plug yourself when your bowels need it?



In general:
Micromanagement is not His thing (mine neither, not that it would matter). He doesn’t do or need/want to tell me every tiny thing that needs to be done. I’m perfectly capable of using a bathroom, for different purposes, preparing a meal, cleaning the house etc incl all the things that are implied in these activities and using my good judgement to decide when to do what (plus doing it when He tells me to of course).

I have a brain and two hands and under normal circumstances He likes it when I use those. In cuffs, the hands.

@keepingher - You’re so perfect for me ♡ We’re so perfect for each other.

Did you enjoy the spreader bar?

I enjoy(ed) being helpless. I don’t care by what means.

Yours ♡ - @keepingher


Dovey wasn’t paying attention, and rear-ended another car.

Yea that hurt… not the accident, one headlight broke and that was it… but the punishment. But I deserved it, I really got myself distracted - by, yes seriously, a beautiful BMW parked on the sideway, that I couldn’t keep my eyes off. Oh I love these old BMWs so much…

Which are her limits, and are there limits you would actually prefer her not to have?


Hmm let’s see…

Her limits are:

Actually I lie. She doesn’t like stingy pain, but I do it anyway :)

You forgot about 21, 24, 26 or 29 (too close to 20, 25 or 30) as a volume setting on the TV. Also leaving the ‘shave and a haircut knock’ (x-x-xx-x–xx) unfinished. And similar things. That’s the true hard limits in this house hahaha.

Okay, serious answer: He has my consent to do whatever He wants, no matter if I hate it or suffer or (really) want Him to stop, so there is technically never any kind of 'non/beyond consent’ here.

Well technicallytechnically we do have real hard limits but these are exactly the same for Him and me (involvement of minors, animals, scat and severe/permanent damage) so He can practically still do whatever He wants without exceptions (since He doesn’t want to do the things that are His limits too). Doesn’t mean my 'limits’ wouldn’t be somewhere way before these hardhard limits and He wouldn’t like it to push them…

How does he ensure his slave not to unallowedly masturbate?

He tells me not to do it and punishes disobedience. I’m not this desperate that I would disobey Him only for an orgasm, just not important enough, and also I fear physical punishment because I really hate pain. But the first one is the main reason why this works.

Does your nudity rather feel humiliating or liberating?

Neither. It feels like an inconvenience that I happily bear to make Him happy.

How visible are your cuffs and collar and shackles in public?

Depends on the clothes I wear of course.

Collar always, except I wear a scarf or turtleneck.
Cuffs regularly (when I stretch my arm or so, same like with a watch) except I wear very long sleeves or make an effort to ensure they don’t poke out of the normal sleeves.
Shackles only with skirts (that don’t cover the ankles).

How regularly are you plugged in public?

Usually I wear it all the time.

Are you allowed to wear bra or panties?

I don’t wear any underwear at home. Outside in general yes.

We have a pragmatic and practical approach to … everything, including bdsm. There’s nothing that would require me not to wear underwear in public in order for Him to be able to do it. Except maybe 1) to enable random strangers to see my nipples through a shirt or my ass under a skirt but that’s not a desirable condition to Him or 2) as a reminder of my ‘status’ (as His slave) but a collar, cuffs, shackles and plug serve this purpose quite well already. - And we are, in this context, not in the slightest the 'as a matter of principle’ kind of people. If something makes sense or serves a purpose (that He wants something would be a valid purpose of course) is the relevant criterion.

What type of clothes are you allowed at home when it's cold, and which not?

Whatever clothes are necessary to keep me warm.
Clothes are not an unsurmountable obstacle for anything. If He wants me naked He just says ‘strip’, it doesn’t matter if I wear one piece more or less. (But it is a difference if I’m naked or not, that’s why I normally am)

Have you been chained in public? Maybe under a dress?


Did you miss your chain during the last days?


Does his family see your cuffs and shackles as what they are and which dynamic they stand for?

Yes, His family, and everybody else who knows Him, or just googles His name, knows about His blog ~ our relationship concept.

He doesn’t like it to not have full control over everything that could affect His/our life and having a secret like this takes control away. If everybody knows the people who don’t like it just disappear (which is not the worst thing to happen..) but nobody can hold it against you.

What clothes is she allowed at home if any?

Normally none. Exceptions are when it’s cold or I’m sick.

Lately I wore clothes rather often, because it was really cold this month and these air heatings make me almost suffocate because they are basically dust distributors and Im heavily allergic to dust. In Germany these kinds of heating systems virtually don’t exist (we have water heating) so I never had this issue before but here it’s a real problem. But doesn’t matter too much, it’s getting warmer now and in winter we’ll be back in Germany.

You may feel free to address me in 2. P.Sg. (‘you’) like you would do it with every other person btw.

Hi! Back in irish8 now?

No, just my usual chains at the moment. The Irish 8 are not ‘standard wear’ for me, just for certain occasions/situations/moods.

Guten Morgen Tumblr / Good morning Tumblr

Back in kamloops means back in chains and cuffs? Or do you have ways of (more subtle?) restraining you are put in for such trips?

I keep my cuffs and shackles on with His family by now (like everywhere else), but no chains or other restraints when in a public setting.

Home sweet home.

Finally back in Kamloops. Vancouver is nice, I really loved Wreck Beach (there are so many cool stones there! Oh and a rain forest next to an ocean next to mountains, that’s pretty cool too. But finding cool stones was it that made my day) and I had a really good veggie wrap after the stones adventure… But I’m still happy to be back. No people!! Stones are so much better than people…

Random thought #14

I never really noticed how ‘spoiled’ we Germans are when it’s about cars. Sure, (most of) the best cars come from there, everybody knows that but I never thought about it really. Yesterday a friend of my Master asked me if we really have so much Mercedes and BMW in Germany, if the average person would have these or only the rich people… and yes, we really have so many of them and normal people drive them. The average person can’t afford a brand-new Mercedes or BMW but we have so so many of them for decades already that the market is flooded with used one which makes them relatively cheap. Another thing I never thought about… my Master’s brother just told me when we were talking about cars and driving in Germany “You even have Mercedes as taxis!!” and seemed really impressed. Yes we have and in fact almost all our taxis are either Mercedes or BMWs. Now that I think about it… That’s so cool. I mean, not that I didn’t know that but it’s so 'normal’ for me that a taxi just is a Mercedes or BMW that I never questioned it as (not) being 'normality’. Now here in Canada I can see what’s so special about it. Everybody drives Japanese cars here, Honda Toyota Hyundai Kia etc, and only the rich people drive the German cars so having a Mercedes as your taxi must be for a Canadian like for me getting a Porsche or Bentley as a taxi. Which Id find REALLY cool 😸 - Is there a place in the world where they have Porsche taxis?! I need to know.

Schwein haben

Hahaha, yes that’s a funny saying we have in German.

For the poor souls among you who don’t speak this wonderful language that came up with ingenious sayings like Schwein haben: The literal translation is ‘to have pig’. It means 'to have luck’. We use it mostly in past tense to say that somebody was really lucky, usually in the context of 'this could have gone seriously wrong/was really dangerous, but he was lucky, he got out of it unharmed’. For example… The vulcano next to my house erupted but Ive had pig, my roof turned out to be lava proof so I survived.

I love German language 😹

Random rant #1

Just arrived in Vancouver and on the way here I had TWO people, within like 30 minutes or so, on the freeway I almost ran over. One just crossed the freeway in front of the car, yes seriously, and the other one was a construction worker who, I swear I’m not exaggerating, just stood right in the middle of the left lane. There was no warning sign that a construction site is coming up, no blinking lights, not any kind of notice whatsoever, there was just some guy suddenly standing literally exactly in the middle of the left lane, at night, almost dark already!!! trying to signal the people driving straight at him by hand signs, he didn’t even have a real stop sign, neither a yellow vest or anything else to make people realize that he is even there, to slow down because of some, barely visible, construction work going on behind him. WTF?!? Canada, what’s wrong with you?!!