April 2018

Chilling together.

No, we didn’t pose for a picture like this, it’s just what we do when sitting next to each other. I just found this scene so cute that I wanted to share it (:

You know, that’s what it is about. Not the chains, sex, torture… that’s all just the topping. This is it. These are the things that make a good master. The need to hold hands even though you’re working at the laptop and have to type with only one hand to make it happen - and not to consider it an inconvenience but a gain (of closeness, and finding that important). It’s these little things that make the magic happen. I’m not with Him because of the sex or the nice cuffs and toys, a thousand other men could provide that. I’m with Him because He shows me every day how much I mean to Him.


Mark Davis, at his calm, undramatic, businesslike, utterly menacing best.


These photos are poetry!

By Laura Makabresku

To the Sasha fans among you (:

Sasha in the back yard in front of the apricot trees. She’s so cute 😻
Last night she was outside and I was so worried that she gets eaten by a predator. She’s not allowed outside at night for this reason but she escaped. Fortunately she showed up this morning alive and well.

What is wrong about animals which have more or less than 4 legs?

I added two legs yesterday, birds are fine too.

Animals with less than two or more than four legs are either spiders, snakes, insects, worms or the like and I don’t like those (except snakes, snakes can be cute).

Of course I mean animals with ‘naturally’/genetically two or four legs, a dog who lost a leg or so would be fine (well, not fine..poor dog…but you know what I mean).

Do you know if not losing one's temper is more common with autistic people?

Yes, I think it’s more common. I don’t know that for sure, as in ‘scientific fact’, but every autist I’ve ever known was very even tempered.

Nobody likes unrequested dick pics. But would you mind unrequested animal pics? Like, kittens and puppies?

As long as they’re cute (only animals with two or four legs, who have fur or feathers and are alive and well), go ahead.

Before you say yes


Watch how he wins.
Watch how he loses.
Watch how he treats the defenseless.
Watch how he treats animals.
Watch him driving.
Watch him interact with service workers (waiters, bellhops, drivers, etc).

See him annoyed.
See him angry.
See him frustrated.
See him sad.
See him depressed.
See him broken.
See him scared.
See him sick.
See him intoxicated.
See him in power.
See him powerless.
See him in a crisis.
See him in conflict.
See him provoked.

THEN say yes.

Cute af / relatively relaxed / with compassion / with love / with a cat on His lap (I have pictures, hang on (: ) / polite and friendly as long as they don’t behave asshole-ish, then fighting back / well…annoyed / never losing his temper / stressed, rather lethargic than agitated, but can be the other way around depending on the circumstances / silent and introverted / tired, apathetic / never seen Him broken / never seen Him scared (but I’m curious what exactly qualifies to be scary for Him and and how He would react to it) / stoic, never complaining, very autistic (“It won’t get better from whining about it so I just wait until it’s over”, spoken during a horrible headache that almost made Him cry… He never said a single word of complaint or ranted about the pain because that’s not logical you know…) / omg soooo cute! keyword Baby Giraffe / always responsible, aware, compassionate, considerate, sexy af (: / autistic, “I can’t change what’s not under my control so it doesn’t make sense to worry about it”, yet sometimes stressed about things outside of His control… depends / fixing it / hmm… can’t think of a situation I’ve seen Him in conflict yet / rather reserved and calm normally but can get into fight mode if the provocation offends His or my honor, but in general it’s difficult to provoke Him at all.



I should probably mention that I didn’t see Him in these conditions before I said yes, but afterwards. Which is in general a terrible and dangerous approach, so don’t do that. I just had such a good feeling about Him (and I’m really really good at ‘sensing’ someone’s true character) and was willing to take the risk that I could be wrong. In retrospect this leap of faith (in Him) was my best decision ever but it could as well have been different. So in general… get to know each other thoroughly before 'saying yes’.

FYI - Jetlag + Detox timeout

We both have a huge jetlag and can barely keep our eyes open basically during the whole day and night so we’re kind of out of commission for the moment and won’t post much.

Also do I have my cold detox right now. We wanted and tried to do it in Germany already, did it three times and my endorphin low was so bad that I was literally prepared to kill myself just to make it stop. Everything there reminded me of my addiction, my dealer was only ten minutes away, the tiny apartment was making me go crazy, I even got in a (harmless but still) physical fight with my Master when He tried to chain me to the bed because I literally wanted to jump four meters down out of the window to either get my hands on drugs or break my neck, both would have been fine for me at this point. So we changed the plan, used the few remaining weeks in Germany to reduce the dosage as far as possible and make the final drop to zero in Canada. It’s easier when there just is no way to get drugs and in a completely new environment, and such a beautiful one.

So for everybody who sent an Ask about shackles and chains: I don’t wear them during the detox because I have cramps and I’m kicking and stretching my limbs constantly which I couldn’t do in chains. After the physical detox is through I’m back in my chains of course.

If you’re interested… I’m doing quite well, much better than back in Germany. We managed to get a few Pregabalin pills into Canada without prescription that help a little against the symptoms but at the same time switch half of my higher brain functions off so forgive me if I make more grammar mistakes or so than usually. I’m literally in a zombie state at the moment.

Okay that should cover it all. See you in awhile. Feel free to send asks but please have a little patience, I’ll answer them as soon as I’m back on my feet again.


Canadian milk is strange enough to a German to merit a picture ;-)

I think I have to explain that:

It’s not really about the milk, it is about the milk carton.

When I was a child we had milk cartons exactly like these in Germany, during my whole childhood, so I had opened them a thousand times. And then suddenly they were changed, they got a normal lid to open and it has been like this ever since. After twenty years I had completely forgotten about the old milk cartons and suddenly I have one in my hand again, in Canada, and it made me nostalgic, naturally. It was like accidentally finding a long lost item from your childhood again. I took a picture for my mother to show her that they have these milk cartons here that we had twenty years ago in Germany (:

Well, that was the milk carton story, lol

Random thought #12

It’s weird to be in the same time zone as most of my followers for the first time. I’m so used to not getting any reactions to my posts during the day but while I’m asleep and now we’re finally ‘in sync’, haha.

Would your owner, let me own you for few days??

No, He doesn’t share. We have a 100% monogamous relationship in every way.

I’m in Canada! Yay!

After an almost 24 hours travel odyssey incl six hours layover in Heathrow we finally arrived at my Master’s house yesterday at night. Now it’s seven in the morning, I’m sitting on the deck having a cigarette and the only thing I hear are birds and a donkey. No people, no traffic….. It’s great.


I’m happy to report that my Master and my mother go along relatively well together. Yay.

That’s important to me because they are the two people in the world I love the most. I’d be sad if she wouldn’t like Him or He wouldn’t like her.

I hate these ‘official new partner introduction to parents’ situations though. Absolutely horrible.

I’m happy to report that my Master and my father work together quite well too.

Family visit now finished. In five hours, 3AM, it’s time to get up to head to the airport. So good night everybody.

has your mom cooked for you when you are with her now?

My mom is an excellent cook, she baked a cake for us and made asparagus salad the first evening. The next three evenings we were out for dinner because my mother wanted to put every minute with us to good use instead of standing in the kitchen for two hours.

She always cooked fresh for me almost every day until I moved out though, except the evenings we had dinner in a restaurant, and her cooking is great. Fast food / convenience food doesn’t exist at all in my family and never did.

why aren't you staying in Canada forever? Why will you come back to Germany?

click me

Did you leave the apartment in East Germany for good? I don't know where I thought I saw you were going to Canada for 2 weeks. Your master wrote half a year. How wonderful you will have enough time to take it all in, the sights, nature, everything.

We still have the apartment in Leipzig. We wanted to rent it out for the time we’re gone to cover the costs but it was impossible to find someone. There are other apartments in the building that are empty already since we moved in, almost six months ago, because the landlord doesn’t find anyone to rent them either. This seems to be a real problem in East Germany (in the rest of Germany it’s the other way around, hundreds, literally, of people fighting over one free apartment).

It would be a real hassle to get rid of all the furniture we just bought half a year ago, to store our personal stuff somewhere and then when we come back in September or October to start the whole settling down phase again almost from scratch. Keeping it is the more comfortable way.

Yes it’s great that we have so much time (:

Want !

I love it to lick on You. - @keepingher

Update: I posted this at 3am while my Master was already sleeping. When I came back to bed afterwards He woke up and, without having seen this post, He decided that He wants a blowjob - yay 😺 (has He become a mind reader?!)


… by the most wonderful Dominant @keepingher

Gute Nacht Tumblr! / Good night Tumblr!


Not only Master and slave. Also best friends and partners in life 🖤 - @keepingher


You’ve earned it. - @keepingher


Your property. Your clumsy little girl. Your biggest fan. Your toy. Your love. 🖤 - @keepingher


I always feel safe with You. - @keepingher

Have you ever been to Bayreuth and did you enjoy? In what ways you're like your mom and in what ways different? Will you have wifi on the flight? How gave you been feeling?

No, I’ve never been to Bayreuth. That’s not really a thing here. Bayreuth is more popular among foreigners than among Germans.

I’m not sure about WiFi on the flight. Some airlines offer free WiFi, some charge you for using it and some don’t have it at all. I don’t know about ours.

My mother is the most loyal person I know or even have ever heard of in my life, that’s a trait I definitely have from her. For example her mother, my grandmother, was very cruel and abusive in the most vicious ways you can imagine, she never wanted a child and only had my mother because you had to in the 50s, she mistreated her as a child, kicked her out of the house with 16 with no money and no place to go and downright tortured her psychologically in every possible way for fifty years until her death. When she was old and needed care my mother went there anyway every single day to care for her, came back literally crying, because her mother only insulted and attacked her all the time (not because of dementia or so, she had been like this all her life towards my mother), and went back the next day again to care for her. Additionally she spent tens of thousands of euros to pay for a 24/7 nurse who lived in my grandmother’s apartment to do the medical care and the household work. Everybody told her to let the nurse do the work and not to go there anymore, or even to just put her in a hospital/elderly residence, to protect herself from her mother’s psychological abuse, but my mother couldn’t help it. Instead she saw a therapist to counteract the heavy depression this care caused her, and continued doing everything for her mother. You just are loyal to your family, you care for your mother, no matter what. The same with me, during my years of severe depression I didn’t treat my mother well, not on purpose but it doesn’t make a difference. And my mother never stopped reaching out to me and if I didn’t react to that just waiting with open arms crying, hoping I’m still alive, until I come back on my own. - She is even loyal to people who don’t deserve her loyalty, including me. Also she is very warm hearted and caring and kind and also very generous. I have that from her too. We are very different in our world view though. She is kind of materialistic, likes to surround herself with luxury and people with money and status. It’s very important to her how others think of her and so on. For her is not ‘You are who you are’ but ‘You are what you have/own and how others perceive you’…I absolutely don’t care for these things.

In other ways I take strongly after my father. He is obviously very autistic, much more than me, he is highly intelligent, he doesn’t care for materialistic and superficial things, he is an observer rather than a talker, he hates it to socialize (he didn’t even attend to…I don’t know the English word…this event at the end of school where you celebrate having finished school, get your diploma, where all parents beam with pride over their children’s accomplishments in school… because ‘he couldn’t be bothered’ with that - edit: graduation was the word I’m looking for, thanks to @touchofcontrol, one of my most reliable English counselors), he just is a lone wolf. Except for the ‘not a talker’ that’s totally me too.

I have mixed feelings about my stay here. I like it to see my mother again, my home town and everything but at the same time it’s very stressful because it’s the place and people I’ve been running from for the last decade.

I’m happy to report that my Master and my mother go along relatively well together. Yay.

That’s important to me because they are the two people in the world I love the most. I’d be sad if she wouldn’t like Him or He wouldn’t like her.

I hate these ‘official new partner introduction to parents’ situations though. Absolutely horrible.

The area where my mother’s house is is so beautiful in spring. Every street here looks like this at the moment (but with less people normally) 🌸

How was first sex without shackles now?

click me

Back in my home town for the first time in many years. And only the third time after I moved away almost 13 years ago. We are staying in my grandmother’s old apartment. It looks completely different now after my mother renovated it but still, it’s the exact same apartment I spent so much time in during my childhood, literally since my birth.

It’s so weird to be back here.

Shackles Off!


We’re heading out to visit relatives today before going to Canada, and so it is with heavy hearts that we remove her shackles :(

It’s been 8 months since I locked them on, and it shows:

The trouble with chrome plated brass is that the plating wears off, especially with such extensive wear.

I managed to find a stainless steel version of her collar (which is surprising considering that KUB manufactures mostly brass products), but no such luck for the ankle and wrist shackles. In the kink community, stainless is used almost exclusively for collars and for outrageously heavy bondage gear. Stainless steel has an 80% higher tensile strength while being 10% less dense, so even these “lightweight” shackles could be half the size of their brass counterparts and still have a weight load limit of over 300kg!

But as these all come from a single manufacturing plant in China (regardless of where you buy them from, or whether they say “stainless steel”), I’m SOL for this model :/

I’m tempted to just strip the plating off entirely and leave them as exposed brass (which will tarnish but oh well). Meanwhile, the search goes on for some comfortable, stainless steel, permanent wear shackles that don’t have sharp edges and aren’t cripplingly heavy (literally)…

I feel so naked without them, my limbs feel too light suddenly and also and most importantly… now I could get lost! 🙀

And as soon as we reach my parents place even my collar has to come off!!

I’m crippled!

the partner that your mom has had for 18 years would not care for her if she were ill?


He certainly wouldn’t just abandon her, he would do something to make sure she is cared for. He absolutely is a good guy in general. But I wouldn’t want to rely on his measures to care for her alone, simply because he is not the most caring person by character and their relationship isn’t as close anymore. They moved out of their apartment after 16 years into two different apartments, in the same building but still it shows their distance. Most of his vacations he does with friends and not with her. They have more of a platonic relationship by now than a romantic one and he is generally not the type who would sit at her bedside the whole day and feed her. He has enough money to hire someone to do it and would visit her, but that’s not the kind of care that I would want for her.

And even if he would care perfectly well, personally, for her, I would still want to be there for her in any case. She’s my mother, I love her.

Hey there! I've been following your blog (and his too) for a while now. Reading about you two making you relationship work gives me strength and hope. I really think that you two found something very precious and it gives me hope that maybe someday I will find such a thing too. Greetings from Frankfurt (:


thank you very much. I’m happy to hear we give people hope for their own future, that’s a great thing. And I promise you, it’s not an unrealistic or naive hope. Everybody can make it to where we are! A little bit of luck plays a role, I admit that, but most of it is effort, commitment, determination.

All the best to you for finding your perfect match (:

Now that I told you what kind of man my Master is, I never EVER want to read a comment, message or Ask again, that accuses Him of not being caring or loyal, not loving me, being selfish or evil, being a bad person or Dominant, that tries to convince me our relationship is not really good or I am not really happy or anything similar. Anybody who still really thinks like this, after what I just shared with you, or pretends to think like this in the hope to provoke me, is obviously either mentally deficient or evil themself. Both of which is a state that disables you to write meaningful Asks that can be taken seriously so save your time.

I’m the luckiest slave in this world. You have no idea how far beyond happy I am, how far beyond caring and loyal towards me my Master is. And I towards Him. Sorry if I sound kitchy but it’s just the truth and I feel a need to tell it. I’m so sick and tired of having to defend Him against ridiculous accusations of being a bad Dominant or partner. This one story alone tells enough about His character and it’s even only one of many. He is the fucking most caring and compassionate human being on this earth you can imagine and that’s not exaggerated, I absolutely mean this.

From now on I will ignore and delete all Asks that talk bad about Him in a disrespectful manner as a matter of principle. Different opinions and criticism presented in a polite way is totally fine, but I will not tolerate any kinds of disrespect towards Him any longer. He doesn’t really care, but He just doesn’t deserve that so I stop it, here and now.

You guys are such a cute couple I want to punch myself in the face lol. Seriously, you should have that photo framed and put up somewhere :)

It’s my favorite picture of us too. It’s the perfect representation of our relationship, Him in the front and me half-hidden and protected behind Him, tightly clinging onto Him (:

Thank you.

are you not in contact with your biological dad because of you or because of him and do you wish to repair your relationship with him? why did he get separated from your mother

We are in contact again since recently. We haven’t been for a few years before which was mostly my fault. I was depressed.

Their relationship didn’t work, they weren’t compatible.

Without getting into details as it is your private life, when did you realize your master really loves you?


About two weeks ago when we were sitting together on the edge of the bathtub (close the bathroom window, because that’s my ‘smoking-spot’) and I was trying to convince Him to go back to Canada and forget about me in order to protect Him from something. And He said “No matter what happens, I stay.”

I didn’t want to talk about this publicly while we were still in this situation because it was something very private and personal but now that it’s over for several months and I had enough time to mentally recover from and process it, I want to share it with you. Because it was very special and tells a lot about my Master’s character, it shows in the brightest light possible what kind of a man He is and how lucky I am to have Him. I recently wrote in the context of insecurities that there can never be any proof that someone will love you forever, that love is about trust. And that’s true. But very rarely there are situations where someone can prove, actually really prove, that he loves you. Really loves you for who you are. That he isn’t with you because of the sex, the submission, the kink, for what he gets out of this relationship. But that he loves you selflessly, deeply. This was such a situation.

I recently shared with you how it all began with the two of us. Please read this post (again) before going on with this one because it is important for its meaning to understand how little we actually knew each other when my Master came to Germany for me, how fresh everything was at this time I will tell you about. We only met once in person for one single night before we moved in together and even before this one night we only were in online-contact for 11 weeks.

So much about the background. Now to the actual story:

Four weeks after my Master arrived in Germany I had to travel to Cologne, that’s an almost five hours train ride from where we live, and we were supposed to be separated for several days. After a day my Master decided He misses me too much, booked a train ticket and hotel room and came after me to spend the rest of my stay there, three more nights, with me together. I would have been back with Him in three days, but that was too long for our passionate freshly hatched relationship, we couldn’t stand it.

During the first night in this hotel room in Cologne I gave Him my Fleck and thereby made myself His (this picture and post are from the morning after this night). During the second night in this hotel room in Cologne I felt a lump in my breast. Suddenly, accidentally, I didn’t search for one, we were just lying in bed together side by side at night, He was already asleep, my hand was lying on my breast and I could suddenly feel it.

I didn’t tell Him about this finding right away because I was terribly scared to lose Him. He already lost two close family members to cancer and I was sure the possibility to go through this again would scare Him off, will make Him run. We were together for only four weeks after all. So I remained silent but of course my behavior changed, unintentionally, subconsciously, and this caused a deep crisis that almost destroyed our relationship. Actually it did destroy our relationship, my silence started a chain reaction of events that eventually led to our breakup. My Master had already packed His stuff, except the Fleck which He left behind, symbolically terminating our bond, setting me free again, and had booked a one way ticket back to Canada. I begged Him on the phone to at least meet me once more before He leaves, to have a talk in person with me. He agreed and came back to Cologne the next day before His flight. And we talked.

I told Him about the lump. I tried to explain to Him where my strange behavior and my silence were coming from. How horribly scared I was to lose Him over this. I cried a lot , so hard that I could barely speak or even breath anymore, and for hours and hours without end. And He was sitting there on the bed and listened to me, to my explanations about how all this started. And when I was finished He decided to stay. We returned home together.

Some time later we were sitting in the bathroom at the edge of the bath tub together, that’s the only place in our apartment where I’m allowed to smoke, at night in almost complete darkness and talking. I said to Him: “I want you to return to Canada. I don’t want to cause you suffering.” I haven’t been at the doctor yet so we still didn’t know for sure if my lump was actually cancer. But my mother had breast cancer, almost died from it, and it’s a proven fact that the genetic disposition for breast cancer is most likely to be passed on from a mother to the daughter. Also did I feel a strong pain in my breast, I was in pain despite being on high regular doses of opiates at this time, which meant that without opiates the pain would have been immense and it is well known that cancer doesn’t start to be painful until the later phases where the chance of survival are getting low. When my mother had her breast cancer she wasn’t in pain yet and it was almost too late already to save her. I also was coughing a lot since recently, had trouble breathing, something seemed to be wrong with my lungs too and I had been a smoker for more than 15 years already. In general I was weaker than usually recently, I didn’t feel well. All these things together made it more likely than unlikely that I really had a serious, life threatening problem. I was sure that it really was cancer, all these symptoms fit together too ‘well’, it was almost obvious at this point for me.

So I told Him: “Please go. We are together for only a few weeks, it’s not too late for you to quit this, return to your old life, forget about me and start over. I would never want you to lose me. To see me suffering. To cause you suffering. I love you, I couldn’t stand the thought to have you witness me dying. I don’t want to do that to you. You have to go.” And He said: “I won’t go.” I didn’t know what to say for awhile. I was overwhelmed by His loyalty but at the same time somehow sure He didn’t really know what He was saying, what He was doing here, what the situation was. So I was more clear and brutally frank, I wanted to sound dramatic to make Him realize the risk, to make Him go, to protect Him: “Sir, I’m sorry but I don’t think you understand what this is about. There is a high probability that I’m in the same situation my mother was, only that for me it could be too late. She didn’t have pain, she didn’t feel weak, she didn’t have trouble breathing, she 'only’ had the same lump I have without all these additional symptoms and it was almost too late for her already. I could die. Actually really die. I could be seriously ill and if we are still together when it gets worse you would have to care for me. You would have to see me suffer, witness my die and bury me. We would never have the life we dreamed about. The life you came to Germany for, the life for which you left everything behind and moved here to me to realize it. You would have left a beautiful house in the middle of nature and your family behind in Canada, a peaceful life on your farm, and the only thing you get in return is an ill girl slowly fading away under your care in a tiny apartment in the city. Your life with me wouldn’t be the life of a Master being served by a beautiful devoted slave but a complete sacrifice of yours, a life of serving me, and in the end being rewarded with my death, with losing the person you love, the most horrible and soulcrushing experience that can possibly happen to somebody. You already made it with one beloved woman in your life and it almost did crush you. Do you really want to risk that you have to go through this a second time?? I could never do that to you! I rather go through this alone than drag you into it. You have to leave!” And He said: “No matter what will happen, I stay. You are mine. We go through this together.” I asked Him: “Why? Why would you want to take this risk? This could destroy you.” And He said: “Because I love you.”


After being together for one month He was willing to care for me in times of illness, to face the darkness with me side by side, in the worst case even to stay with me until I die. As you can see it never came to that. I did have a tumor in my breast but before the final tests to find out if it was malignant or benign it had disappeared. In all ultrasounds before it was there and in the final one before the biopsy it was just gone. My pain came from a cyst close to the tumor, my breathing problems were connected to the recent usage of different kinds of opiates together, my weakness was most likely a result of a severe iron deficiency. And the tumor has just disappeared within a few weeks…

It was a 'miracle’. But it could as well have ended differently. When I first told the doctor about my symptoms I could tell she was worried even though of course she behaved professionally. But I studied medicine, I had courses in doctor-patient-rapport, I knew all the phrases doctors use to reassure patients and I worked in hospitals myself and knew all the different facial expressions from my own experience. The family anamnesis in combination with the symptoms were a strong indication for cancer and I was just lucky that all my symptoms came from other things and that this tumor of mine mysteriously disappeared. It could easily have been different. I could have had cancer. I could have needed extensive care. I could have died. This happens to thousands of people every day in Germany. Most people who go to a doctor with these exact symptoms do have cancer. And some of them die. It could have been me.

And my Master was willing to go through it with me. He could have left easily. Returned to His wonderful house in the woods. Play with the cat. Play video games. Sit on His terrace in the sun. Making Tumblr posts and waiting for another girl to show up. Whipping another submissive. Living His life in peace. But He pledged loyalty to me. Only a few weeks before this talk. Only a few days before I told Him about the lump for the first time. I was His already, no matter for how long or short. He had taken responsibility for me. He had taken me into His life and care. He had fallen in love with me. He had collared me. I was His so He wouldn’t leave me no matter what would happen. This is loyalty. Responsibility. Character. This is love. - This is not normal. This is crazy. This is the kind of man my Master is.

Sorry random people come here to judge you and Keepingher. You're both great and provide one of several couples I use as a basis for seeking out the kind of D/s relationship I'm looking for - and THE basis for priorities first and communication. Don't let anyone get you down, and remember you're both pretty amazing xx

Thank you very much, that’s a nice Ask, that made me smile (:

Don’t worry, random online strangers don’t get us down.

You mentioned you were abused as a child. Did you have the abuser(s) prosecuted by law and if not why?

No. Because.

Is your mom clingy too? Was she ever obsessive over you or you over her. And is she got sick your father won't care for her? Would you like the role of her caregiver if she got ill?

No, my mother isn’t especially clingy or obsessive. I love her very much but I’m not ‘obsessive over her’ either.

My stepfather / ‘co-father’ is dead. My biological father and my mother broke up almost 30 years ago and don’t have much to do with each other anymore.

I would certainly not like it if my mother would be so ill that she would need care. I love her, I wouldn’t want her to be ill and/or suffer and I wouldn’t want to witness it. I cared for my stepfather for a year before he died of cancer and it was horrible. I can’t imagine anybody would ‘like’ something like this. But of course I would do it. She is my mother, I love her, if she needs me I’ll be there for her as she was there for me and cared for me when I was a child/teenager and depended on her.

has your master ever encouraged his ex wife to find someone new or does he like it that she is fixed on him

He would prefer it if she moved on. He made it unmissunderstandably (is that a word in english? Anyway, you know what I mean) clear that there is no going back for them. He neither encourages nor discourages her to do anything. Her private life is not His concern or responsibility.

The choice of words indicates that this Ask comes from the same anon who asked me why I would allegedly ‘refuse to help’ my Ex to find a new sub. Dude, you have a weird view about this really. In no way would what you suggest be a common or healthy or recommendable behaviour. What we (meaning people in general) owe our Ex partners is a clean break, to not feed them with false hopes, to be direct and honest about our emotions and situation, even to be compassionate and considerate because that’s just decency. To involve ourselves further in their private, especially romantic, life after a break up is definitely not doing anything good or doing them a favor but rather the opposite.

It was very interesting to read how you see the future. So you will live in Germany or Canada or another country? I don't think people your age/masters age could ever retire unless they have millions in the bank. Life is likely to become more difficult, not better, from a social point of you as there are less resources and the world is overpopulated. It will be nice to check on your 5 years from now, see pics of you, your animals, farm and special cages. Hope to be around to see your progress.

We can’t live in North America for reasons, so it will be Europe. Where exactly we’re not sure yet. We are currently evaluating different options.

Of course nobody who is not literally a millionaire can retire at our age. Nobody said that. I wrote He has to work as long as necessary and wants to retire as soon as ‘possible’. That does not imply a specific date, time or duration.

Feel free to follow us for the next / come back in five years. We plan to continue our blogs (:

No makeup, no filter, no posing, no masks - Just us in love 🖤

I'm curious about how D/s relationships evolve as the partners age. What will your relationship be like when you're in your 40s? 60s? 80s? Obviously you can't know at this point, and only time will tell, but I would be interested to hear your speculation, and watch as your relationship evolves!

That’s an interesting question…

I’m 30 now, close to 31, and my Master recently turned 43. So we are in this age where we are not too young anymore, already have experience in life and relationships, know what the important things about these are, have our priorities straight and our shit together (well, at least He has but that’s enough for the moment since He is in charge of our life, and it’s a good basis to work on my shit) etc but still young enough to have many more things to discover, experiences to make, things to learn and a life to improve and live. It’s actually a really good age to start a serious, long lasting relationship like ours I think.

As you said, we can’t know how things will develop, but I can try to ‘extrapolate’ a possible future development based on my experiences in the past (how former relationships developed), on our talks about how we want it to develop and on observations of other couples who already made it through decades together. Okay, let’s see…

On a personal, emotional level we will certainly grow even closer together over time and get to know each other even more intimately. We are only together for eight months and it’s already a huge difference between the first few months and the most recent ones. We have a much better understanding of each other, know so much more about our respective past, family, life and I assume that this growth will continue. In my longest relationship I had so far, nine years, at some point I literally knew what my partner was thinking quite often, I knew every story of his life, I knew how he would react to certain things etc. And that was a wonderful thing. I imagine I’ll have the same with my Master and probably even on a deeper level. Also will I probably lose my abandonment issues, at least to this strong degree I have them now, over time because I will make the experience over and over again that no matter what shit life throws at us, we get through it and He sticks with me. We will be both confident in our relationship and at some time have no doubts anymore that we can overcome anything.

About the ‘formal’ things… we will probably marry at some point, we will not have children because we don’t want to have children and make sure we don’t produce them accidentally. We will be living in a house in a rural area somewhere far from other people, hopefully. We will definitely have at least a dog and two cats (: Ideally more dogs. And a horse. And a sheep. But that’s not a must have, haha.

I think the older we become the less important or frequent sex will be because a decreased libido and weaker bodies are just a natural side effect of aging. I don’t think we will be a sexless couple by the time we are 60 but other aspects of our dynamic will maybe become more important (?)

Speaking of which… our D/s Dynamic in general will certainly change/develop, especially over the next few years but also continuously of course. I already wrote a little about this topic here. We are nowhere near yet with our Master-slave-dynamic to where we want to get. The past half year has been a single huge struggle. Of finding an apartment and moving in, of a mountain of paperwork for several things including visa/immigration issues (which are a real bitch), of detoxing from opiates, of legal issues, of hundreds bigger and smaller obstacles to overcome. And of course it was the time to get to know each other, as people first and foremost. As we both constantly mention, you can’t start a M/s relationship with just being a Master and a slave right from the start. You start as humans, you have to build up a relationship as people before you start implementing all the D/s stuff. We already started doing that, the D/s stuff, but we still have a long way to go.

Eventually we want to have a M/s Dynamic in which my Master has full control over all aspects of me and my life with a well established protocol for our interactions. That doesn’t mean we wouldn’t be goofing around anymore, laughing together, having fun etc, we’re still humans and this will still be a relationship, but the frame is supposed to be a solid one that won’t bend. Right now that’s not what we have, full control and protocol. For example I have my own possessions. We don’t do maintenance discipline for the time being. We have very little rules and protocols yet. We don’t have a routine for many things yet. Our life has been so chaotic and unpredictable that this wasn’t possible in a meaningful manner. Also am I/have I been in charge of many things I shouldn’t be as His slave due to language problems. We are in Germany but He doesn’t speak German so *I* had to find an apartment, organize everything, talk to people, do all the Visa paperwork, accompany Him to appointments and speak in His name, translate contracts, make sure we have Internet, that He has a German phone, bank account, tax ID number, pays the broadcasting fees, gets a temporary residence permit and so on. I gladly do these things and consider this a form of serving too, but it’s still a weird feeling to be effectively in charge of all these existential issues. If I fuck something up, e.g. the apartment, the Visa, a money transfer or whatever, we would be homeless or He would have to leave Europe etc. That’s exactly the responsibility a slave does NOT want to have and that causes me immense stress. There’s nothing we can do about it at the moment except continue our German lessons, and I manage to deal with it, but of course that’s not how we want it to be and how we feel comfortable. He feels uncomfortable because He is not in control of many, essential, things and I feel uncomfortable because I have responsibility and a weight on my shoulders I don’t want to bear.

As time goes on all these things will be sorted out. The immigration issues will be solved, we will have a permanent place to live where we feel comfortable and He will be in charge of literally everything. That’s how we both like it best. And once this is the case, because it’s the basis, we can finally start to establish a ‘real’ (as in as we want to live it, as in our goal) Master slave life. We will have a meaningful routine for everything that makes sense as a routine, rules and punishments for all important things, protocols that make us feel secure and happy in our respective positions, I won’t have to worry about existential issues because He will take care of everything and I will support Him by just doing what He tells me to do. How exactly these protocols and rules, this whole life, will look like, I have no idea (and neither has He, I asked Him). We don’t have a specific picture in mind how everything will be - we know how the frame looks like and we paint the picture as we go.

Regarding our ‘kink’-life in the broadest sense… it will probably change/develop too. Even though we do have a level of trust already that allows me to submit to my Master in terms of sex/kink unconditionally, as in ‘He can do whatever He wants with/to me’, in practice this has still some natural, inevitable limits at the moment. We live in a little rented apartment in the middle of the city. So we can’t just build a cage into the wall or the like and we have neighbors literally above, under, right and left of us who would probably go crazy if I were constantly screaming. We can’t do anything outdoors except we would go far outside the city. My Master doesn’t have the space and means to build things, which He would like to do at some point, create His own BDSM gear and stuff, like a spanking bench, or some sort of framework to restrain me and so on. Once we have more space He wants to start doing that. Also is there a natural interpersonal limit of what He can safely do in terms of sadism since we are only together for such a short time. Of course I have a safeword I can use if any kind of trouble occurs, but it’s still different to just knowing someone inside and out. Over time He will learn all my different reactions and tolerances to different kinds of pain or stimuli in general, what has which psychological or physical effect on me, also on Him, how exactly our SM ‘feedback loop’ works and so on and the more we learn about each other in this regard the further He can go and the more content we both will be about it.

To sum it up … we will hopefully be living on the countryside where we have the room and freedom to do what we want. He will continue working from remote as a programmer as long as necessary and retire as early as possible. He will have full control over me and be in charge of our lives and I will serve Him. In its core our relationship will be (already is) traditional gender roles style, He takes care of keeping our life together, I do all the household stuff, care for the animals and support Him. We will have a well working routine, rules and protocols but at the same time the freedom to express ourselves, me too, as the loving couple we are in whatever ways feels best for us. We will find a balance between these two. We will mostly be on our own, we both don’t like socializing very much but we won’t isolate ourselves completely. Family is important to the both of us. We will never stop loving each other and we will be happy. - And then we just love and live happily ever after.

That’s the ideal.

Of course life never works out exactly as you plan it. I will never be completely and absolutely free from all responsibilities, we will never live completely without any worries, our routine will get interrupted, our protocols won’t always make sense in every situation and so on. Maybe my mother gets sick when she’s older and needs my care (I’m her only family). Maybe my Master’s daughter wants to live with us for awhile before she moves into her own apartment. Maybe we run out of money and can’t realize these dreams. Maybe one of us has an accident. Or something else… Life always finds a way to kick you in the ass and an ideal is never going to become reality.

But we will work on getting as close to it as possible. And anyway… the journey is the destination (:

Thank you for this interesting Ask.

omg reading theses asks! people are stupid! im sorry youre getting so many know it all getting all nosy and assuming shit. your master reminds me of mine ♡ have a ok day ^-^

Thank you very much ❀

I even have many more Asks of this kind in my inbox but I think I said anything that has to be said about the family situation now so I won’t publish the other ones since they are basically the same (~ He is a terrible Master, Ex-husband, father, man, human and we are doing everything wrong 🙄).

A friendly Ask for a change is nice and much appreciated, thanks (:


I’m not allowed - doctor’s orders - to have (vaginal, anal) sex for two weeks. And only four days have passed. And before that we didn’t have sex for another four days or so. And after the two weeks I will feel bad because then we’ll reach the zero mark with my detox and my brain will need time to adjust. So in total we will be sexless for more than a month …

So…Why the fuck is the fucking floor on the fucking floor? 🙀

Anyone? 😸

(I mean it. Send me your address and I give you a special ‘my life is not your fucking business’-autograph, I promise! ❀ )

The wait a minute question: do you ever feel like you have been caught up in a whirlpool and can't see the horizon? Flooded with love but no reason, on the edge where love alone isn't enough to survive? As a bit older and wiser (not said in arrogance but from a point of caring), try to step out of Mathilda for a moment, look at her objectively, make her face her naïveté, make her question how her "owner" is prepared to live her alone with no friends even fir a day. You'll be back on F in a jiffy

You have a completely distorted picture of my Master, me and our relationship.

Being not jealous about your man doing stuff without you, keeping in close touch with other women and looking at nude photos o f other girls isn't cool or even recommended. To me it sounds like you are giving up your dignity and putting up with horrible behavior for the sake of staying together and keeping him. True commitment on both sides means forsaking all others. You can have the best sex in the world be best game buddies but it doesn't prove you're compatible. Doesn't mean he's the answer.

You are misinterpreting what I said.

My Master doesn’t do anything without me, we do almost anything together, He is not in ‘close’ contact to other women or looking at nudes (even though He gets some occasionally from women who don’t respect that He isn’t a single anymore, but that’s just how Tumblr is unfortunately) etc.

I’m just not the person in general who becomes jealous because someone sends Him nudes (*because* I know He doesn’t care for nudes in the slightest, not only since we are together but generally), because He has friendships (*because* I know they are no threat for us, because He doesn’t give me any reason to think so) and I’m not wondering and worrying every time He goes to supermarket for twenty minutes to buy cream or salad.

If you .want. to read something negative in a text you will always find it, but that’s not what I wrote or what my text was about.