March 2018

False

Tumblr could be such a “connection space”…

(this is just audio, On ted.com you can see the video, for some reason I can’t post it)

Hi Mathilda, I discovered your blog a couple of days ago & have been working my way through your conversations with Followers. I sincerely hope that you're able to make the rehabilitation that you are currently going through a lasting one. The main reason I'm commenting on you blog is that the "...hater..." who keeps attacking you(albeit in subtle-however thinly disguised personal attacks-really does get on my nerves! You have a great deal of patience. I would have blocked him long ago. ~Thanks~

Hi exceptionalyoni,

thank you very much for your feedback. I’m on the best way to recovery, but still suffering at the moment (which is why I don’t post much currently)… still I have no doubts I will make it. Thank you for your well wishes.

As for my patience… two reasons:

1) I’m not religious but I’m a firm believer in many aspects of the buddhistic approach to life (and death) and our fellow human (and non human) creatures. Haters actually really don’t anger me or disturb my inner harmony in any way so there is no reason to react hostile. It would be a lie to say I have all of my emotions under control like this or that hateful ask (the subtle ones even more than the direct ones) / people who write these wouldn’t annoy me at times, but they don’t do any harm to me. And I don’t intend to do (or attempt to do) any harm to them.

2) See my next post.

Best wishes.

Because He can.

My Master loves it to clamp my nipples and then play with them. Because He knows I’m very sensitive there and this *really* hurts me… sadistic bastard! 😻

(And I don’t have a Magic Wand between my legs during this, no distraction from the pain… grrr)

kept

… by the second best KF2 player (after me of course) @keepingher

Gute Nacht Tumblr! / Good night Tumblr!

That’s exactly how He holds me at night, that’s how I fall asleep, with a “Good night Dovey” whispered in my ear 😻

kept

… by the most supportive person in the world @keepingher

Given you were to decide, what is the perfect length for a chain between wrists? And ankles?

Actually we tested and calculated that, what ratio between leg/arm length and chain length works best. I plan to make a post about it soon.

Does this mean he is autistic and you not?

I have been diagnosed with autism with 19 or so but I have very different and milder symptoms than Him. Things like that I mostly don’t understand irony/jokes because I take everything absolutely literally when I don’t have time to think a moment about what has been said and how it could have been meant. I can’t stand certain asymmetries. I have this hypercorrectness thing like when He says “It’s so nice to have you in my arms” I say “You mean arm, right now I’m lying in only one of your arms.” (that’s so ridiculous, sometimes I notice it before saying it and try to stay silent but I just can’t, it’s driving me crazy, it’s like someone would say “The sun is green”… No it’s not, it’s yellow. And it’s one arm not two! *rollseyes). Or that I react extremely sensible to routine changes. I’m not one of these autists (or Submissives) who really needs a routine for things, I like it but don’t need it, but once there is a routine it would very much disturb me to change it. And a few other things.

These kinds of symptoms. I don’t have these other typical autistic social deficits. I’m a rather anti-social character but I can fake social behavior very well, because there just was no way around learning it due to my special childhood as a politicians offspring. I’m able to read people’s emotions from their facial expression and body language, I know what’s socially accepted behavior etc. And that’s the stuff that makes life really difficult for autists. So I’m only a freak, but my Master has a real problem.

Well, I have one too in a way for living with Him because it really makes a relationship more complicated when your partner, and especially Dominant, doesn’t ‘sense’ anything from you and only receives information that you actually verbalize. But in this way it’s good that I’m mildly autistic too for it enables me to understand better how He works. And He really ‘works’ very differently from other people….
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Don’t get me wrong, I love you exactly as You are - @keepingher. Your weirdness has many positive sides too and the difficult ones don’t bother me 🖤

So you don't need the chain to submit either, while having sex?

No I don’t need tools to feel especially ‘submissive’. His behavior has the largest influence on my kind and degree of submitting.

I find autistic people in general cuter than the ones who are not. That pertains to adults as well as kids. I love the directness, the honesty and no bullshit attitude. It's difficult to survive in an ape like society of intrigues and menace like ours. Even more so for autistic persons. Unfair. Cruel. I agree with you about the purity of their souls. I am not autistic but I prefer autistic people to non autistic. They are usually more intelligent. I really think being autistic is an advantage.

That’s no offence, but only someone who isn’t autistic themself and never closely/beyond short term lived with one can see it as something exclusively positive. It certainly is not an advantage but a rather big disadvantage for most other people are not autistic, your friends, your colleagues, your boss, in most cases your partner, so the whole world around you works completely differently than your own. For my Master neurotypical people are basically aliens and He is to them and that causes a lot of difficulties.

It does have its ‘cute’ sides to have a grown up, confident, highly intelligent man with no idea how ‘normal’ people and relationships work, but it is at the same time a challenge.

Weird...your master wrote on his blog 1.5 months ago he had a "huge fight" with you...But overall, I think in the first year fights aren't very common..As with your ex who was abusive to you but for the first 1.5 he was nice. I personally do not have the emotional strength to fight as it hurts so much. We live in total harmony and peace. We compromise when needed and fulfill each other needs (non BDSM needs). I didn't use to be like that. I was very chaotic but my love shaped me in his image.

We never had a fight, we had a huge crisis that almost separated us, I think that’s what He was referring to. It’s a matter of definition of course, I understand a fight as a situation where you rise your voice, are angry at each other and so on. We never had that so far. If you define a fight as any kind of problematic situation, then we’ve experienced it.

EDIT: I remember now what this situation was. I was on cold detox and trying to escape from the apartment and He tried to stop me. That was when we got into a physical struggle and I accidentally hurt Him (I posted a picture of the scratch on His back). Hmm yea, technically it was a fight, I was angry and screaming and everything, but I don’t really see it as a fight. I was out of my mind and freaking out, He stayed calm and stopped me from freaking out. But yes, if you count this as a fight, then we had a fight.

Have you ever gone to bed together in a "fight mode" meaning that you had a fight and did not reconcile?

We have never had a fight at all so far.

We’ve had one crisis that almost killed our relationship in the very beginning and that was pretty much all real problems we had (with each other), and even this crisis didn’t entail a single fight, not even a risen voice, no mean accusations or hurtful words.

We have different opinions sometimes about things, which we settle with “Okay, so we at least agree that we disagree, that’s something (: ” (this only works because we can tell facts from opinions and we respect each other’s opinions even when we’re thinking the respective other’s opinion is wrong or doesn’t make sense).

I know, sounds unrealistic, but it’s the truth. But I’m convinced that this only works this perfectly because my Master is highly autistic… I mean like, really… the living with Commander Data or Sheldon Cooper kind and degree of autistic, He doesn’t even know how ‘fighting’ works, I’m sure He couldn’t participate in a fight even if He wanted to, it would be me alone fighting Him, Him standing there and watching me, being completely lost and having no clue what the fuck in the world is going on and eventually me feeling bad. Btw… you have no idea how incredibly cute a highly autistic Dominant is… I’m dying of cuteness overdose regularly here *g

So no, we really never fight, not even in the slightest.

In theory I agree with you but more specifically, there are doms who are narcissistic and would make belief their "needs" are more important and if the sub is gullible, she will fall victim to this kind of calculated manipulation.

You are right. But the same goes the other way around. There are Subs who are or behave narcissistic and manipulative and, believe me, no power hierarchy can really protect a Dominant from them - in theory yes, but in practice…if she’s only ‘good’ enough (in manipulation) no way. The good Doms who are not very experienced with this bullshit and how to handle it will fall victim to it and be taken advantage of.

There are narcissistic characters in all genders and on both sides of the slash. That’s no reason to make it a rule or moral obligation to… whatever, anything.

In a relationship both partner’s needs are equally valid, important and to be fulfilled. Simple as that.

At least in theory. Because of the special Dynamic of course in practice it’s different. Show me one good Sub who puts her own needs before her Dom’s. And one good Dom who puts his own needs before his Sub’s. That doesn’t exist. The Sub will always prioritize her Dom and her Dom will always prioritize her. And since he has the last word and decides whose priorities have priority in practice what he says happens. Which would be the Subs need in the end. So we Subs are already at an advantage here. One reason more to especially remember the importance of our Dom’s needs and to remind them that these are *equally* important and that they do have the right to put their needs before ours under certain circumstances.

I love You so much - @keepingher

Lying in bed with You, sinking in Your arms and cuddling is the best thing in the world ever 😻

The D/s ‘hierarchy of needs and wants’

Everyone who just follows/reads enough BDSM blogs on Tumblr has probably come across the 'needs/wants hierarchy’ in a D/s Dynamic. It looks like this:

1. Submissive’s needs

2. Dominant’s needs

3. Dominant’s wants

4. Submissive’s wants

It’s basically a priority list. It means that the Submissive’s needs have priority over everything else. After this come the Dominant’s needs, then the Dominant’s wants and at last the Submissive’s wants.

I will probably not really make friends with this post, because this concept is the most popular and supported on virtually every good BDSM blog on Tumblr I know of and by a lot of very knowledgeable, reasonable people who I respect very much for their extensive experience, deep insight, compassionate advice and many other things… - but I have the urge to write this anyway…

I call this bullshit. At least in the context of a 'classical’ romantic relationship as the foundation of the Dynamic.

Even a M/s Dynamic with the steepest power-hierarchy is still and first and foremost - before protocol, before rules and punishments, before surrender, before anything else - a relationship of two (or more) people and in any relationship with people loving each other there can’t be one person’s needs having priority over the other person’s needs as a matter of principle. The needs of both (/all) partners involved are equally important!

I do understand though where this concept of 'Submissive’s needs first’ is coming from. It’s believed to be the natural result and consequence of the Dominant’s immense responsibility for and power over their Submissive. And I don’t say it would be a bad approach, it’s a noble one and with a Dominant and a Submissive of the 'right’ characters it can certainly work out just fine. But in my opinion it’s a sacrifice that is not necessary and not in general the only and best way to organize needs and wants.

First, you don’t have to generally choose between the Dominant’s and the Submissive’s needs, in fact most times you don’t have to, because both partner’s needs can easily be fulfilled at the same time. The Submissive fulfills the Dominant’s needs, the Dominant fulfills the Submissive’s needs, this is not a contradiction, rather the opposite for their needs probably depend on each other.

There certainly are situations where needs clash and can’t be met at the same time for practical reasons, that’s life. But in this case there aren’t the one person’s needs to be prioritized under any circumstances as a matter of principle, but rather be made a decision on the ground of what makes sense about which need is the most important at the moment, which need would cause the worst consequences when left unfulfilled, regardless of the question if it’s his or her needs.

A hierarchy of needs and wants should look like this in my opinion:

1. Dominant’s and Submissive’s needs - circumstantial

2. Dominant’s wants

3. Submissive’s wants

Not all needs are equally strong, not all needs cause the same kind and degree of suffering when unfulfilled, some needs depend on specific circumstances and so on. These are the things to be considered when one need hinders the fulfillment of another, instead of just giving one person’s needs priority over the other one’s in any case.

And that the Dom’s and Sub’s needs don’t match up is usually an exception anyway if the partners are compatible = have matching needs in general. In most situations both their needs can be fulfilled at the same time, even depend on each other, fulfill each other automatically because they are complementary and not orthogonal. Sometimes there have to be made sacrifices in a relationship, yes, naturally, but I don’t see why it should generally be the Dominant who sacrifices his needs in this case. Meaningful criteria would be more appropriate.

Sry if this pisses someone off. Just my opinion. I do respect other opinions.

so you get sometimes unchained for him fucking you?

No, He never unchains me in order to fuck me but if I happen to be unchained already for another reason at the time He wants to fuck He doesn’t necessarily re-chain me to do so. He doesn’t need chains to dominate me.

so you never had vanilla relationship? Ever vanilla sex at all?

I did have a two years and two months vanilla relationship and naturally vanilla sex during this time (also see my comment to this about my vanilla relationship) .

Also my Master and I sometimes have vanilla sex, depending on how you define vanilla sex.

any idea why you spend so much time with sadists but not being a masochist? And when did you start that? In school?

Yes, because I like the sacrifice, the service, the surrender. See here.

I had my first relationship with 14, He happened to be (mildly) sadistic and a (bad) Dominant. I didn’t pursue a relationship at this time and had never heard of BDSM yet, it just happened somehow.

1) does your master ever masterbate without you 2) does your master allow you to be in the bathroom with him when he is defecating? 3) one time my master asked me to lick him clean after he came in my mouth and I vomited because it disgusted me. If you threw up would it offend him?

1) No.

2) I have no idea if He would ‘allow’ it, I didn’t ask Him, because I wouldn’t *want* to be present at this time.

3) It’s very unlikely that I would throw up, I just don’t like it but I’m not this disgusted by it. But if I would, no He would certainly not be offended, why would He. It would rather be a compliment that something is so repulsive for me and I’m doing it anyway to please Him.

Apart from pain: What other things are you not "into", but enduring them for His pleasure?

Hmm… nothing really in general. Our preferences and limits actually match quite perfectly.

Of course I sometimes ‘endure’ things simply because I’m not in the mood (to do a certain task, to follow a certain rule or whatever), but there’s no thing in general that He is into and I am not.

Can you make yourself horny on his request? Or wet?

I could make myself horny or wet by either touching myself (with His permission) or by imagining something arousing because these things naturally induce this kind of biological and mental reaction. So technically yes. But for me it’s difficult to get aroused on command, it’s not very likely to happen, I either need some time or it happens spontaneously.

15 years? So you obviously "enjoy" the unpleasance of pain... isn't that a kind of masochism as well?

What I enjoy about being with a sadist see here.

Of course it’s always a matter of definition. I’m not a masochist by the common definition and not by my personal definition, but I certainly could be a masochist by other people’s definitions / understanding of this term, yes.

Don't you think you might be learning a certain degree of masochism by enduring your master's treatment over time? Possibly even without wanting to?

I’ve been with sadists for 15 years now. If this would be possible (for me) it would long have happened already.

Are you getting diapers? Is he making you bladder desperate or omorashi?

No, definitely not. We are both not in the slightest into, even rather repulsed by, these kinds of things.

A good sub should even prefer to be penetrated when not horny at all! Best way to show service to him!

“A good Sub should” do whatever matches her Master’s needs and wants and her needs, whatever that might be.

If you had visa to Canada from before why didn't you fly to see him as he requested on his blog?

I couldn’t leave the country for legal reasons.

Du machst echt einen tollen Blog. Danke!

Danke. Nach all dem bitching ist ein positiver Ask eine schöne Abwechslung (:

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You’re really doing a great blog. Thank you.

Thank you. After all the bitching, a positive Ask is nice for a change (:

Are you kept under control concerning bathroom usage?

No, currently not.

In War World 2 men married their girlfriends before going to war in order to provide for them long after they were dead. This was responsible and expected. You live with your master as his common law housewife. That status, legally and socially, means something. It means you have rights regardless whose money it was to rent or to own a home. Please check your laws about it. You can't afford to be careless about money at your age and with your past. Hope for the best but prepare for the worst.

Reference

No, in Germany there is no such thing as ‘common law household’ in legal terms in this form as in North America. You’re either married or not, there is no in between. I don’t need to check laws, I studied law, at the university.

You don’t know my past and my and our situation and what I do or don’t do to take care of myself or what I could and couldn’t afford, so don’t assume I’m ‘careless’ or wouldn’t be educated about things that are important for me.

If He ever buys a house, or anything else with His money, I expect it to be His property and not mine, that’s common sense.

Btw “In WW2 things were like this…” is never a convincing argument for anything, in general already and especially when talking to a German.

Basically the beginning of my every day 🖤

Guten Morgen Tumblr! / Good morning Tumblr!

No panties. - Your cuffs, Your rules.

kept

…by Mr. Morning Sex 🖤 @keepingher

[I’ve NEVER been a morning sex person in over 15 years of sex life before. I’ve always been a nighttime sex person. Mornings have always been the unhorniest time of the day for me and the later it got the more my sex drive woke up until I was needy as hell when it was finally dark. Sex in the morning was annoying, Blowjobs right after waking up the absolute worst. - But somehow my Master changed me. He is the total morning sex person, almost a everymorning sex person and slowly infected me over the last months. Now I’m a morning AND nighttime, basically an all-time-, sex person, I wake up and the first thing I want to do is sucking His dick and go to bed and the last thing I want to do is sucking His dick 😸 / Edit: That’s not exactly true, it’s the second first and second last thing. No1 is always sinking into His arms and cuddling 😻]

Is it possible that secretly your master views You as his master and himself as Your slave? The extent he goes to, such as limiting You from banking separately and eating like a lady, tells me plenty that he is very insecure. Is that why he loves all the movies you love regardless if they are really bad?

Your informations about Him and us, what He and we like/-s and do/-es, are not correct, there are many things you just assume and try to sell as facts that are objectively wrong. But aside from that…

You don’t seem to understand what it means to be a Master and what it means to be a slave, what ownership as we live it is about. You’re mistaking devotion for submission, care for compromise and love for surrender.

Being a Master isn’t primarily about just doing what you want, ordering around, taking. That’s the surface but not the core. A Master is not less devoted to his slave than his slave is to him. This has nothing to do with submission, it is the direct consequence of his immense responsibility. As my Owner He is free to do to me whatever He wants, that’s the one side of the coin, the other side is that He is responsible for my well being. To be a good Master you invest a lot of time and energy into your slave’s growth and happiness. This is not surrendering to your slaves wishes, it’s caring with all your heart. What He does for me is what every good Master would do and in return He gets my unlimited and unconditional submission and surrender.

________________

(Not only referring to this specific Ask but the in total nine rather hostile Asks I got within the last 24 hours and the overall attitude shown in them)

I was really patient so far with you. Your hostility and passive aggressiveness you showed in the many toxic Asks this night is obvious and still I answered your questions openly and friendly in the hope your attitude would change if I react to your toxic behavior with kindness. This did not happen unfortunately so I will stop answering your Asks, as long as they present themselves like they did so far, at this point.

You obviously don’t understand our relationship and you are not asking questions in order to better understand it but only to express your repulsion. You are projecting your personal feelings onto us, you can’t tolerate that we are happy because you wouldn’t be happy with the life we are living. This is very ignorant and disrespectful. I won’t give you room on my blog any longer to spread this kind of poison. If you honestly want to learn about what we are doing and why you can send respectful Asks with genuine questions and I will answer them, but I don’t allow any further ‘bitching’ against us. Change your attitude or leave.

Also should you ask yourself why you are doing this. If our relationship is so alien and ‘evil’ and repulsive for you, what are you doing here? Why is it so hard for you to feel happy for other people’s happiness? Why do you apparently instinctively belittle things you don’t understand? I honestly think your life’s quality could benefit from asking yourself these things and a little introspection.

I’m going to bed now, melt into the arms of my wonderful Master and fall, like every night, asleep with the heart warming feeling to be loved and cared for. I honestly wish for you, that you find this happiness one day that I have. If you would know how it feels you would recognize it in us and it would make you smile. You can have it too, be open for the good things instead of letting all this negativity into your life. Good luck.

Being that your master loved to travel, and maybe you do too, do you plan of having many different trips each year to various locations around the world? How many times a year would you like to visit Canada? If your master buys a house in Europe and it's only on his name, he has the right, in theory, to kick you out if he wants to. Are you not concerned about it? I think you should insist that he puts the house in both your names, jointly, to protect your rights for when the honeymoon is over.

I won’t be able to visit Canada a second time. I got my ETA when I still met the requirements for one, but this has changed a few months ago.

But we both do like and want to travel every now and then after we settled. The world is big.

Yes sure, He could leave me at any time (kicking me out of the house would imply breaking up) and in theory I could leave Him at any time (when I’m not in chains at least). That’s life. If we would ever split up there wouldn’t be a reason anymore for me to live with Him, I would leave the house anyway so ‘kicking me out’ is not a realistic scenario. - And it’s His money, what He buys with His money is His property and not mine. Insisting on such things as you describe is paranoid and pointless. If He would ever want to leave me He would do it no matter if my name is in some contract or not. But that’s not His style anyway to just drop someone and let them crash completely only because a relationship didn’t work out.
He is a good person with a good heart, I don’t need to be gifted a house to know that, He proves it every day. And He is a man who doesn’t start and end relationships easily. As long as we meet each other’s needs, respect each other and are able to communicate about problems we will be together. I believe that there is a very high chance that this will be forever.

If orgasms are not something you must have why did you write after your first night you wanted to cum too?

I’m not sure what you’re referring to (what first night? where did I write this? I don’t recall a post or statement like this) but in general:

I didn’t say that orgasms are not something I must have. Quite the opposite, in my answer to an Ask how it would be for me if my Master decided to never let me have an orgasm again I wrote that this would in fact be a problem for me. Of course I have a need for orgasms, I’m a (not asexual) biological creature, so naturally I do want to come every now and then too. Orgasms are just not as important for me as they normally are for women, I have no problems to live without one for several months without going crazy. But that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t want or need them at all.

it is betrayal of him to leave you for a week to be with someone else no matter who it is and since it is his daughter he should have never looked for a 24/7 slave to start with because this would be cruel to you or to her and that just tells me he is a very evil person you got yourself involved with it does not matter he has an ex and loved her or not he is still leaving you how depraved and you still talking to your ex leading him on i feel bad for him that you do this to him and other men

That He travels to Japan once a year to visit His daughter is betrayal in your opinion and a reason not to pursue a 24/7 relationship? Wow, that’s a twisted, sick point of view. I don’t use such harsh words usually, but I really don’t find other words that fit here. If you follow this logic everyone would betray everybody all the time, faithful and loving relationships wouldn’t exist at all anymore. 

The reality you are living in must be horrible, so full of darkness and evil. I feel pity for you, and I mean this in a kind, compassionate way. We are happy with our relationship and life and each other, it is sad that you can’t just be happy for us and project the poison you must have in your life into ours. It doesn’t change a thing for us, but that you are so emotional about our life shows that we have an effect on you, a negative one and that’s really a sad thing. 

Please unfollow me/us for your own sake.

does that mean that you actually prefer not to be masochistic for the endurance of your Master's sadism makes you even more submissve thus?

Reference

Nothing makes me more or less submissive, I just am submissive. But I think I know what you mean…

I prefer to be exactly as I am. If I would be a masochist I would prefer to be a masochist. But I’m not a masochist and so I prefer not to be a masochist.

I’m perfectly happy as it is and as I am, I wouldn’t change a thing. If the three-wishes-fairy would appear and offer me to make me a masochist so that I don’t suffer so much from my Master’s sadism, I would definitely refuse. That I do suffer from pain, that I ‘really’ suffer and not in an erotic way, is what gives us both pleasure. He is not the kind of sadist who wants His Sub to enjoy the pain He inflicts, it turns Him on that my pain is ‘pure’. And I am not the kind of Submissive who wants a ‘Service-Top’, who wants her Master to do what she likes (and if I would be a masochist every time He would inflict pain on me He would do what I like) but to take what He likes. That I honestly suffer makes it a sacrifice, a service for Him and that is exactly what gives me the most pleasure. I want to suffer for Him - it satisfies me and makes me happy. And it brings us closer, it connects us on a deep level, it’s a special kind of intimacy that strengthens our bond.

I wouldn’t change a thing about His sadism or my non-masochism.

But if I were different, I wouldn’t change anything either. Though I’m not sure if we would be compatible in this case; I probably would have another Master and He another slave, because this is such an important aspect of my Submission, so without it there would be something missing that is very important for the both of us.

Are your orgasms then rather permitted or requested? Does he watch when you have to masturbate?

Orgasms have been an absolute rarity/exception for me during the last months (years actually) because I was either heavily on drugs or heavily on detox. So I don’t have enough data yet to determine a pattern / His preferences in this regard. Ask me again in a few months.

Gute Nacht Tumblr! / Good night Tumblr!

I love it to hug You.

How could you know if different anon asks are written by the same person?

Reference

1.) I studied linguistics. Everyone has a unique language style, it’s like a fingerprint.

2.) You can tell a lot about a persons psychological profile by anonymous (because they are honest) Asks and clearly see if another Ask matches a profile you already know.

3.) In theory… I may be not a programmer like my Master but as a former web designer still competent enough in this field that I would be able to find out which Asks come from the same IP address if I would want to, it’s not that difficult. I don’t do that though, the linguistics and psychological approach is already reliable enough and it’s not worth the effort only to chase after bitter anons. 

I don’t really care, it’s not that I would make a point of analyzing anon Asks, after a while you just know ‘your’ regular anons and can tell instinctively that this is the anon with this and that opinion and that’s the one who has problems with this and so on. 

I have no poblems with anon Asks though, otherwise i wouldn’t have this option enabled. Go ahead, anons.

Last ASK for tonight but maybe the most important one? I've read many blogs of both vanilla and BDSM. Some of the men, women or both ARE the jealous types and their mates are with them not despite it but because of it. You regard it as "wrong", repugnant, sick etc but I regard the sadism of your master exactly that, so to each their own! For how can anyone care for you AND be sadistic to you at the same time? It's totally schizophrenic and that's what you both are (to the eye of the beholder).

I didn’t say it’s wrong, repugnant or sick. Stop putting words in my mouth, you did that in at least five different Asks now. Please read what I wrote before sending Asks and refer to what I actually said instead of what you project into it.

I’ve answered (your) Asks about the sadism is evil thing a dozen times by now, I won’t spend any more time into this. Look them up if you forgot what I have to say about this.

You should work on your tolerance and kindness. You don’t have to understand *why* people are happy in order to feel with them, to be happy with and for them. That’s being kind and compassionate. Try it, it will make yourself a happier person too.

Something about Mathilda (from the movie Leon). You say you like this movie because Leon was not a pedophile but sorry, M was sexually interested in him. Women who are 14 are sexually developed (most have their periods by then and by nature they are ready to bear children). I never liked this movie because it was a mixture of revenge and a little girl who never got to really grow up and it was always unclear if Leon could stay around to care for her. Bad ending too. Anyway, just my opinion.

I never said I like this movie ‘because Leon is not a pedophile’ (or something similar), that doesn’t make sense.

Opinion noted.

Hello, Mathilda. I had a horrible nightmare about you and I hope you answer me. In the bad dream we met, and I asked you to show me how your childhood looked like. You brought up scary pictures of you as a kid being raped and also given enemas and but plugs against your will. in those pictures you were weak and broken. But then in reality you were numb, showed no emotion, completely apathetic. I begged you to leave your master because he is evil but you said it was your fate to suffer.

Sorry to hear you have nightmares, must be very unpleasant.

That’s not what my childhood looked like and it’s not my fate to suffer. It’s my fate to be happy, and I am.

Is it a hard limit for you if your master wanted to have sex with someone else especially when he is away from you? You used to say it was a hard limit for you that he uses sex with you to make money (by renting you to other men) but in a recent ask you wrote you would take a prostitute job if he required that (in principle, we all know he will not want to share you etc). Because of his overall control over you it seems you have let up some inhibitions/reservations. I am not sure it is healthy.

It is a hard limit for me to have me abused to make money, my hard limits didn’t change. If the sole purpose of Him renting me out would be profit, I wouldn’t consider this an order I had to follow because He knows it’s a limit and ordering me to do it anyway would be abuse. But there are a lot of other reasons why a Master would want his slave to do this, so it’s not a hard limit for me in general. It depends on the intention behind it.

No it would not be a hard limit for me if He would want to have sex with somebody else, but I wouldn’t have become His slave if I wouldn’t have been sure that He wants a monogamous relationship in the first place because everything else would make me extremely unhappy. I made sure we are compatible in this way before starting a relationship. And we are, He has no interest in sexual encounters with other people, not even with me involved.

when you say you cannot orgasm during intercourse (and are to be passive anyway), when and how do you get to orgasm then? If ever?

Reference

Whenever my Master wants me to and by clitoral instead of g-spot (as happening during penetration) stimulation. He can either give me permission to masturbate or do it Himself. It’s not that I wouldn’t be allowed or able to come in general, but only that our sex and my orgasms are two different things that happen at different times/in different situations.

In our relationship sex is a service of me for Him, something He takes from me, something with the purpose to give Him sexual satisfaction, I’m just the ‘tool’. But that doesn’t mean that my sexual satisfaction would have no meaning or there wouldn’t be room for it in our sex life at all. It’s just a different thing.

Are you excited about your upcoming trip to Canada? Will you be flying back to Germany alone? Since you cannot immigrate there, will your master immigrate to Germany? Is he going to buy you a house in Germany? I hope you get the farm you always wanted. You deserve it! Enjoy your vacation.

Yes, of course I’m very excited to see His house, to meet His family (again - I met them once already but only very shortly so we didn’t have time to get to know each other) and also in general to see Canada.

We’ll fly back to Germany together of course.

We don’t know yet where exactly we’ll be living, only that it won’t be North America. But Europe is naturally a strong possibility since I’m European. A house would be nice at some point (though He won’t buy *me* a house, He would buy Himself a house, or rent one, for us to live in), but we don’t have concrete plans about that yet, first we have to decide where we want to and can settle and take care of all the bureaucracy involved in order for a Canadian and a European to be allowed to stay together in the same country long term.

Thank you.

how will you handle the drastic transition between being in the same room (by the way it's not that uncommon) to being without him for an entire week especially that his care of you is very physical and he can't be in two places at the same time? he used to write he would take his sub to Japan with him to see his daughter so why did this change? I'm again confused. about your ex it's good you won't be totally alone when master is gone. will you use that time to see your mother?

I don’t know what you mean about my Ex. Why would I visit him, or anybody while my Master is gone?!

Generally you’re putting too much importance on this whole Ex topic. We broke up two years ago, he is still in love with me and I will have a talk with him at some point to make sure he stops writing me messages already and moves on. It’s not a big deal, everybody has Exes, my Master has an Ex wife and daughter, that’s life, people at our age, 30+, have a past. That has nothing to do with and no influence on my current relationship.

My Master didn’t change His mind, I will meet His daughter at some point, but we’re only together for six months. These are the kinds of things that should be given some time.

It will be terrible to be separated from Him for a whole week, like it was terrible when He was visiting His daughter last year. I will miss Him very much, but we will make it through it like we did last year. That’s life, He has responsibilities and I wouldn’t want Him to ignore this one because of me. It’s His daughter, it’s important for her that she sees her father regularly, I’m fully supportive of Him visiting her and will survive a week without Him.