February 2018

You posted the other day about trying to escape. What happened?

keepingher:

keptmathilda:

Reference

I went from taking a large amount of highly concentrated heroin to completely zero opiates within a day. This was an immense shock for my physical and psychological system, I felt like dying and was mentally completely freaking out. The only thing in my mind was to end this condition, to get away and get drugs, no matter how. So I tried… and failed.

I tried it first by convincing Him to let me go. With every argument and reason and method I could think of. But the result was always “No.” I even told Him that I explicitly withdraw my consent to being held here, that He is committing a crime if He does it anyway, that I could call the police.. His answer was “Go ahead. The answer is still No.” - Of course I would never do that and He knew it.. and before the detox I prepared Him for this kind of situation, told Him that I might attempt *everything* to get my hands on drugs and I *want* Him to stay strong for me when I become weak, no matter what. He did the right thing.

Of course I did not make it out to get drugs, He made sure of that. Even when I started to physically fight Him to get away, He didn’t let me leave. I’m glad that I have such a strong and patient and forgiving Master who protects me from everything, even myself and even if He gets hurt Himself in the process.

I am so sorry Sir that I hurt you this night 😿

Actually that’s got to be where I got that bruise from. There’s something ironic about me being the one with long term bruising :P

I noticed, that my answer could sound as if I had been severely aggressive against and seriously hurt Him. Of course I was and did not. The ‘bruising’ we are talking about is one single scratch on His back (even though one that is still visible after four days…) and it was an accident, of course I didn’t mean to injure Him.

So not that you think I would/did beat my Master or the like. Even on the worst detox I could never do anything to harm Him. And this single accidental scratch alone makes me feel so bad already 😿 I’m sorry Sir!

Glad to read that your master's friend is a nice person who helps you two in more than one way. That's all I needed and wanted to know, thank you.

Reference

I’m not sure what made you need to know that, but sure, I’m glad it helped.. in whatever way.

Sorry you got your pussy whipped. No master in the world is worth it. Such a hard limit for me. Big dislike.

No hard limit here. Big like here. Everybody is different. I encourage you to respect that. Tolerance is a good feeling, believe me.

I will never understand why people persist in visiting blogs on Tumblr that they obviously don’t like & bother sending nasty asks or comments. Kudos to you & your master for not letting the haters get you down. You two have a beautiful, truly loving relationship that many could only ever dream of. These jealous fools are just embarrassing themselves & they seriously need to find a life.

Nothing to add here, exactly my opinion.

No online-troll will ever have an effect on our life or relationship other than mild annoyance or great amusement.

Thank you (:

A little bit of an off ask but I had to: Imagine you have a German Shepherd. He is a champion and a very beautiful dog. Perhaps one of the most beautiful Deutche Sheferhunde dogs. Now, imagine you can decide, by proper training and how you raise him to be 1) Loyal, always protective of you and affectionate or 2) Ambivalent, ambiguous, biting even harmful. Which option would you choose, and why? I am sure you will understand the reason for this simple but meaningful exercise. Explore your soul.

I did explore my soul, as you told me to. Oh my god, thank you, I can see it now. The dog… you mean… that’s a metaphora for me right?! (How charming btw) What an eye opener… How could I have been so blind? Obviously I just hallucinated the thousand helpful, kind, altruistic, loving and caring things He did for me during the last half year, but thank God you realized that from wherever you are and enlightened me! How stupid of me to be happy with a man who provides me with everything I need, loves me, cuddles me all the time, helps me to solve my problems and to have a better life. I mean… in the end it’s all about how strangers perceive my life and not how I actually feel right?

*rollseyes

Supposedly he said he does not enjoy to punish but how interesting when he does it's only a painful corporal punishment. That speaks volume about him and who he is. I'll keep my conclusions to myself as I have no interest to annoy you on your blog. But like I said, it speaks volume.

I shared one single punishment so far on this blog with you. I have absolutely no idea how one can extrapolate from ‘one’ to ‘all’. This is the most extreme case of generalization I’ve encountered so far in my 30 years on this planet. But it’s always funny to watch human brains fail so epically, thanks for the laugh (:

What is the exact punishment you got for the extra Cigarette?

A classical ‘over the knee spanking’. Ten slaps with His hand on my ass.

So not a severe but rather light one. But it has to be rather light because I forget to ask so often. If I would get a severe punishment every time, I would be in constant pain and that’s not what He wants and also wouldn’t it make sense. It’s the perfect punishment for me, bad enough to have an effect (I really hate spankings) but not bad enough to really make me suffer - because this is not about suffering, it’s about helping me to break bad habits.

You posted the other day about trying to escape. What happened?

Reference

I went from taking a large amount of highly concentrated heroin to completely zero opiates within a day. This was an immense shock for my physical and psychological system, I felt like dying and was mentally completely freaking out. The only thing in my mind was to end this condition, to get away and get drugs, no matter how. So I tried… and failed.

I tried it first by convincing Him to let me go. With every argument and reason and method I could think of. But the result was always “No.” I even told Him that I explicitly withdraw my consent to being held here, that He is committing a crime if He does it anyway, that I could call the police.. His answer was “Go ahead. The answer is still No.” - Of course I would never do that and He knew it.. and before the detox I prepared Him for this kind of situation, told Him that I might attempt *everything* to get my hands on drugs and I *want* Him to stay strong for me when I become weak, no matter what. He did the right thing.

Of course I did not make it out to get drugs, He made sure of that. Even when I started to physically fight Him to get away, He didn’t let me leave. I’m glad that I have such a strong and patient and forgiving Master who protects me from everything, even myself and even if He gets hurt Himself in the process.

I am so sorry Sir that I hurt you this night 😿

runwilddancefree:

“I like how sleeping next to someone means more than sex sometimes, the body’s way of saying ‘I trust you to be by my side at my most vulnerable time,’ you have no defenses when you are asleep, you tell no lies.”

— Eric Shaw (via denim-and-chocolate)

Gute Nacht Tumblr! // Good night Tumblr!

A good night quote instead of a picture for a change. Sweet dreams.

I’m experiencing this quite a lot recently since my Master decided to punish my forgetfulness with spankings. And I’m really forgetful…

callistomist:

I decided to create a masterpost that would help you with what you are struggling with. Hopefully any of the links below will help you!

Reminder; You’re going to be okay. What you are going through will pass, just remember to breathe. 

————————————————————————————-

Distractions;

Here are some distractions to help keep your mind occupied so you aren’t too focused on your thoughts. 

Sleep issues; 

 

Uncomfortable with silence; 

Anxiety; 


Sad, angry and depressed/depression; 


Isolation and loneliness; 

 

Self-harm;


Addiction; 

 

Eating disorders; 

 

Dealing with self-hatred;  

 

Suicidal; 

 

Schizophrenia;


OCD;


Borderline personality disorder; 

Abuse; 

 

Bullying;

 

Loss and grief; 

(Other loss and grief)

 

Getting help; 

As someone who has struggled with probably at least half of all mental issues that can possibly occur in a human being I reblog this for it may hopefully help somebody.

Category: Problems I don’t have 😸

I’m very sorry I didn’t answer your questions yet. My Master had other plans today for me like using these beautiful arm binders (a few posts below) to restrain me and playing with me. I’m looking forward to catching up on your Asks tomorrow (: (Provided I don’t get my pussy whipped again, I’m sorry but I really can’t focus on writing with a hurting cunt)

PS: Isn’t my life wonderful?! - I love it to be Your toy Sir 😻

keepingher:

“I’d rather be hated for what I am than loved for what I’m not.”

I just love You for everything You are and for everything You are not plus hate everybody who hates You for what You are or for what You are not 🖤

keepingher:

kinkykatdomme:

Unfriendly reminder that minor supporters in cgl/kink are not okay. You’re just as dangerous as minors. You’re not helping them, all you’re teaching them is that the LAW doesn’t apply to them. You’re just validating all their poor excuses for arguments. I’ve had at least six followers this week with something along the lines of “all ages welcome, safe space, etc” in their bio. First of all, why the fuck are you following me–a not safe for work kink blog–as a self proclaimed safe blog. Second of all, you’re creating a gateway to allow minors in kink, which is not okay. If they allow themselves in “safe” spaces and feel welcome, they think it’s okay to take the next step. It’s not. Get your heads out of your asses. Stop endangering minors because you think you’re doing something mature. It’s completely immature, and puts all of us at risk.

Sfw ddlg blogs do not exist. Ddlg interactions are inherently nsfw and should not allow any minors. No exceptions. The only ~aesthetic~ your exhibiting is an immature dumbass with no sense of logic.

I’m going to weigh in because this really pisses me off.

First, YOUR laws are not universal.

Second, YOUR ideas of what’s “safe” are NOT true by default.

Third, it’s trivially easy to open google, bing, yahoo, duckduckgo etc and type in “bdsm” to find the exact same smut you have on your precious “protected from kids” blog.

Fourth, if they’re going to search it out (and they WILL search it out because it’s a part of who they are), I’d rather they find MY blog and ask me questions rather than find out about issues that arise in these kinds of relationships the hard way.

So yes, if you want honest advice to help you along, ask away, no matter what your age. You deserve knowledge.

There are more shades here than black and white. Encouraging minors to get involved in kink, possibly even participating in this, is the one extreme. Refusing every contact in any way with minors in regards of kink is the other. There’s a whole universe in between.

That minors shouldn’t do certain things because they lack a sense of judgement required to do it safely, does not mean that support and education is a bad thing in general.

Minors shouldn’t get drunk and then fuck around without protection and get pregnant or catch a disease but it happens and when it does there are people to help them deal with this situation. That’s called a pragmatic approach and is a help and no harm. There’s a difference between making them drunk and fuck them and giving advice what to do when it happened.

Another problem is that if the good, responsible, knowledgeable people of the bdsm community all together refuse advice and help, the only people who are left who will ‘advise’ them are the actual pedophiles. You can’t avoid that minors who are dominant or submissive will do what they can to find out as much as possible about bdsm. It’s better they get their information from responsible people than pedos. I was involved in kink since I was 14 and I wish one of the good guys in the community would have given me some guidance. The bad guys gave it and did a lot of harm by doing so.

I don’t want to have minors on my blog and I’d rather not want to see them on my Master’s blog either because it’s a risk of getting in trouble. But I absolutely support education about everything for everyone.

If someone has a problem with this, feel free to block me.

PS @ OP: Most reblogs on Tumblr aren’t 'asked for’ by the original author. That’s just how a community works, you see a post you have something to say about and add your opinion. If that’s a general problem for someone Tumblr is the wrong place to be. I do understand that one can have a problem with a specific reblog (eg I would have it if someone would add misogynistic captions to my original pictures), but in this case it would be the adult thing to just message the respective person, explain your problem and ask to take the reblog down. A general complaint that someone reblogged your content because he added another opinion is pretty narrow minded. / I do support the intention to protect minors from harm in regards of bdsm (and in general of course) absolutely though. I just think it’s the wrong approach to just cut them off the community.

I have no questions for you, just wanted to say that some things you post are just beautiful and then you post about your body and how gravity is working and it just makes me smile. We all are enjoying that darn gravity too!

Reference

Thank you for this feedback, I really appreciate that! (:

It’s not easy sometimes to decide how exactly to run this blog. At the one hand I do want to show ourselves and our life in the best light possible of course and not publicly discuss every little problem we have and reveal every one of my flaws, on the other hand I want it to be authentic and show that we are actually real people, a ‘normal’ couple with the same struggles as everybody else.

To draw a line is difficult at times. Do we tell that He lost His job, that I use filters to look better on pictures, that I’m doing a detox, that we had a fight etc? Or keep up the beautiful picture of the all time harmonic, rich, sexy, perfect couple living a fairy tale?

We incline to the first option, because these things are just part of life, people have struggles, people lose their jobs, women in my age have stretch marks/don’t have a teenager’s body anymore, and even the happiest couple has a fight sometimes. It has probably also something to do with autism, we are both very frank and direct in general, with each other as well as with others, even strangers and we don’t like pretense as a matter of principle. Showing your weaknesses, your real identity on Tumblr - to the extreme…my Master even has His real name on His blog, as probably the only Dom on Tumblr with a ‘sadistic porn’ blog on this planet - and I, even though a little more anonymous, show myself nude and post pictures of my face (but not both on the same picture and no actual porn like pussy close ups, that’s a line I don’t want to cross because it’s rationally stupid to do that for any other reason than being a sex worker or an exhibitionist ~ getting money or satisfaction out of it) - is a risk because it attracts trolls and haters. But it’s just how we are, we don’t like it to hide.

Someone recently commented on one of my Master’s post “You know that his blog is a complete fabrication right?” (obviously this person didn’t really look through our blogs) and I had to laugh so hard, because we probably belong to the most open and honest bloggers here. It does have its downsides, but we just like to share our life, as it really is.

It’s nice to hear that people appreciate that, thank you (:

Smoking the hard way…

keepingher:

keptmathilda:

Guten Morgen Tumblr! // Good morning Tumblr!

Coffee, cigarette, breakfast. Then cuddles. Then I’ll answer the many questions I got from you last night (:

Coffee, cigarette, breakfast, then punishment for smoking an extra cigarette without asking, THEN cuddles and answering questions.

Yes Sir. Thank you for helping me to break my bad habits 🖤

(I still hate spankings, especially in the morning!)

How many cigarettes do you smoke a day?

One pack a day. And I have to ask permission for every single one of them. And I’m only allowed one at a time except He explicitly says otherwise. And I get a spanking when I smoke a second cigarette after the first one because I forget to ask - which happens often because it’s an automatic, conditioned habit, I don’t even notice when starting the second cigarette. But since I hate spankings, I’m sure He can break this habit… I’m not even awake for two hours and my ass is already hurting…

Guten Morgen Tumblr! // Good morning Tumblr!

Coffee, cigarette, breakfast. Then cuddles. Then I’ll answer the many questions I got from you last night (:

Gute Nacht Tumblr! // Good night Tumblr!

(It’s 10:30 pm here, time to sleep. I’ll answer the other questions I got, and will be getting while I sleep, tomorrow. Meaning in ten or so hours from now. Thanks to everyone who participated so far, it’s fun to answer and it really does distract me. Don’t be shy, keep the questions going, I’ll get to them after a good night of sleep, half-conscious cuddles and morning sex (: )

#17 :)

17. Describe the outfit you feel sexiest in.

I don’t own a really sexy outfit anymore at the moment since I left almost all my clothes behind when I moved last year, but I imagine one:

All black because all my clothes are and have been for the last 16 years.

Panties of lace, half transparent. Hold-up nylon stockings also with lace at the top. A simple tight short skirt - not too short, short as in until half way between my ass and my knees. Some sort of cute corset. Heels like/similar to these, but with only a tiny plateau.

And of course my collar, cuffs and shackles (:

____________________________

Ask me NSFW questions (:

Best of luck to you. Number 1 please.

Thank you (:

1. What’s your darkest kink?

Phew, that’s a tough one…

Tbh I’m not sure if I even have any ‘kinks’ at all (don’t worry, I’m not trying to avoid the question, I’ll give a ‘real’ answer in the next paragraph anyway (: ). What turns me on the most is serving, doing what I’m told, being used, being useful, pleasing, obeying, being dominated… and it does not really matter what exactly it is then that I have to do/endure, it will probably make me wet just because I’m serving by doing/enduring it. Like…really… I’m not into these things that could be considered ‘dark’ (taboo or somewhat wicked) in the broadest sense. I’m not into rape play or have rape fantasies (I mean, sure I like just being taken and have no say about what’s happening, but by someone I trust, I’d literally kill everybody who would try this without my at least implicit consent). I’m not into race play or age play. I’m not into piss, vomit or scat. I’m sure as hell not into animals or children. Or dead bodies. Or anything otherwise ‘gory’ or ‘snuffy’ (is this a word? sounds so cute, but you know what I mean?!). I’m not into gangbangs, not even threesomes. I’m not into extreme sadism. I’m not even into degradation or humiliation. I’m not into pet play. I’m not into objectification. I’m not into denial. I’m not into hypnosis or mind control. I’m not really into…anything. I really couldn’t say what my ‘kinks’ are. My kinks are my Master’s kinks, that’s the best answer I can think of.

But I know, that’s not a very satisfying answer, let me think what I can make of this question that comes closest to my ‘darkest kink’…

I definitely do have a thing for complete helplessness, surrender, vulnerability. So being in a position where I had absolutely way to stop what’s happening, no way to escape, fight back, no safeword (which would maybe be considered to be some sort of ‘taboo’ by some people), noone asking me for my consent or if I’m okay, no chance to interfere in any way… and in this position of course having to endure something that does not (directly) cause me pleasure but would be negative in some way for me (pain, fear, the unknown…) because otherwise there would be no point in being helpless, so being in a helpless position with someone selfishly using it for their pleasure, in a bad enough way that I ‘really’ suffer - this probably comes closest to my ‘darkest kink’. But this someone couldn’t be just anybody. It would have to be someone whom I want to make happy by enduring it, because it must have a purpose, a meaning. It must be a sacrifice. Otherwise it wouldn’t qualify as a kink anymore but I would just experience it as a type of (real) rape/assault.

Helpless can mean anything here. Sedated or drugged in any way so that I couldn’t move. Simply restrained in a way that I can’t do anything. Or circumstances that force me to comply even without chemical or physical restraints.

Endurance can mean anything that gives the other part pleasure, satisfaction, entertainment, happiness in any way and is hurtful for me/makes me seriously suffer in any way. Doesn’t matter what it is exactly. Pain, fear, humiliation, making me do things I don’t want to do…anything, it’s totally irrelevant. Also the duration for this to last, anything between being used for an hour or being kept helpless like this for a month would be fine.

(Well, technically this even is my real life since my Master has my unconditional consent to do with me whatever He wants. So in theory I am completely helpless and couldn’t stop Him doing whatever He pleases if He would decide to not let me stop Him even in the most extreme circumstances. But in practice of course it’s different, I know He would respect my safeword, so I’m not practically absolutely helpless and out of control.)

Another thing, but maybe related to the previous point, would be some, whatever kind of, variation of ‘breaking me’. I’m extremely proud and, sounds paradoxical to my depression etc but it’s true, mentally very resilient. It would be a huge challenge to break my pride and strength and certainly fascinating to find out what would have to be done to accomplish this. But I’m not sure if that’s really a kink/turn on or rather some sort of twisted experiment I just find interesting, because I’m constantly analyzing myself and seek to understand my subconsciousness as deeply as possible.

I hope this answers the question. It’s honestly the best and most truthful I can give. But feel free to ask in more detail if you’re missing something in my answer.

____________________________

Ask me NSFW questions (:

Edit: Grammar, spelling, auto correct etc

Do you want answers to those numbered questions or do you want us to ask you? Confused.

Like I wrote, I want you to ask me.

Thanks for all I got so far 💕

I was just otherwise distracted until now, so I didn’t have time to write answers yet but they’ll be following soon, hang on (:

Wanted: Distraction - Ask me NSFW questions

I will need a lot of distraction during the next detox phase and what distracts me the most (besides my Master) is writing and being horny 😸 So help a poor future former junkie getting over her withdrawal symptoms and make me write dirty. Here’s some inspiration, just send me an Ask with a number. Or come up with a question of your own. I promise I’ll answer truthfully (:

NSFW Questions

(I link the ones I already answered to the according post)

1. What’s your darkest kink?

2. How many people have you had sex with?

3. What the most times you’ve ever orgasmed in one night?

4. What’s your favorite sex position?

5. Describe the best sex you’ve ever had.

6. Have you ever had a one night stand?

7. Describe your most desired fantasy.

8. Describe your darkest fantasy.

9. What’s your sexiest feature?

10. Have you ever been to a strip club?

11. Where’s the best place to have sex?

12. Where’s the craziest place you’ve had sex?

13. Where would you like to have sex, but haven’t yet?

14. If you could have sex with one celebrity, who would it be?

15. What sounds do you make during sex?

16. Are you loud during sex?

17. Describe the outfit you feel sexiest in.

18. What’s your favorite punishment?

19. What’s your favorite position for spanking?

20. Do you like to have/leave marks?

21. What’s your favorite thing to clamp nipples with?

22. How long have you denied/or been denied an orgasm?

23. Have you ever had sex in a “dungeon”?

24. Are you into bondage?

25. What is your favorite thing to do for aftercare?

26. What’s your favorite thing to tie up or be tied up with?

27. Are you a Dom or a Sub? Would you ever consider being a switch?

28. Do you prefer gags or blindfolds?

29. Have you ever had a threesome?

30. How often do you masturbate?

31. What’s your favorite thing to masturbate to?

32. What’s your favorite kind of porn?

33. What’s your favorite porn website?

34. Who’s your favorite porn star?

35. Would you ever consider doing porn?

36. At what age did you start masturbating?

37. Have you ever been caught masturbating?

38. Have you ever masturbated to a ridiculous video or story then thought “what the fuck did I just do?“

39. Phone sex or Camming?

40. Do you believe in aphrodisiacs?

41. What’s you biggest turn on?

42. What’s your strangest turn on?

43. What’s your favorite sex toy?

44. Do you prefer your sexual partner to be older than you, or younger?

45. Have you ever broken up with someone because the sex was bad?

46. Have you ever posted nudes on tumblr?

47. What’s your favorite sex blog?

48. What’s your favorite pet name?

49. Do you prefer vaginal sex or anal?

50. Do you prefer pussies all natural, bald, triangle, landing strip…?

51. What song would you most like to have sex to?

52. Have you ever had shower sex?

53. At what time of day are you the horniest?

54. Girls: What is your bra size?

55. Girls: Describe your favorite pair of panties.

56. Girls: Do you ever go out not wearing panties?

57. Girls: Can you get off from clit stimulation alone?

58. Girls: Can you get off from penetration alone?

59. Girls: Do you use birth control or condoms?

60. Girls: What’s the strangest thing that’s ever been inside your pussy?

61. Girls: Do you spit or swallow?

62. Subs: Would you rather have a Master, a Dom, or a Daddy Dom?

________________________

(Questions copied from this post on @danipup ’s blog. Questions created by @the-precious-kitten )

Cool that You played Theremin. Were You happy 10 years ago?

Reference

No, I was not. I was FAR less happy than I am now.

Yes, the theremin is such a great instrument and so much fun to play. But I’m bad at it, it’s extremely difficult. You accidentally move your finger (or hand or arm or shoulders or body or head or anything) just a micrometer in the wrong direction and you have a different tone and it sounds like shit.

Here is an example of how it’s supposed to sound, how it sounds if you’re really good:

https://youtu.be/X-ywH1Vj8_U

(Pamelia Kurstin, one of the best theremin players in the world)

So of the three choices, which would you choose?

keepingher:

Ref: http://keepingher.tumblr.com/post/171306930602/to-the-person-who-wrote-in-asking-about-similar

For those unaware of the situation, he drugged and imprisoned her, and later she consented to a life like this: https://prettylilprisoner.tumblr.com/post/171162076877/part-1-im-curious-you-wrote-your-relationship

The question refers to which option I would choose if I had abducted someone and she would not reach a point of consent: A - release her and be arrested, B - keep her imprisoned forever, C - kill her.

I would choose B.

Even though we, my Master and I, don’t have this extreme form of captor-captive-relationship (as in I’m allowed to go out alone sometimes and there are times when I’m not chained up and could technically leave the apartment without permission), since I’m in chains almost 24/7, there are some similarities here and in fact we did talk a few times about this scenario. His intention is to keep me forever so what if I would want to leave?! Give up on His ‘keeping her’ - reality and start over or stick with it and keep me without my consent?

Most people won’t understand this and consider this crazy or the result of a mental illness, but I don’t care. For me it’s clear:

I honestly can’t imagine anything that could make me want to go away from Him but if this situation would ever occur, I explicitly told Him that I would want Him to keep me anyway if He is willing to do that and if it’s feasible without putting Him in too much danger (of going to jail primarily). For a simple reason: I know how my life was on my own and I know His character and how (well) He treats me, which wouldn’t suddenly change because I become a real prisoner. He would still care for me and make sure I’m fine, as fine as possible at least. I on my own never managed to make sure I’m even close to fine. I would drown back into my old life - drugs etc - and be miserable. In any possible scenario in which I’m with Him, I’m better off than when I’m alone, so for me it does make sense to want to be kept in any case. And luckily that’s what He wants too…

This is a theoretical scenario. I doubt this would be doable in practice, but I definitely would want Him to try, even though I wouldn’t expect it because of the risks involved for Him.

Anyway… I can’t think of any future in which I would not want to be His slave. But it’s still a warm feeling to know that He wants to have me with Him for the rest of our lives. No matter what.

I love You, Sir. You’re the best that ever happened to me. Please never let me go 🖤

When you got money, the sky is the limit and you can start a new farm anywhere. I believe there is not true friendship, just temporary alliances. Since your man has you i cannot fathom why he spends his time with a "friend" and for so long. He should focus on his future, not the past. Anyway, it seems that you and him know what you are doing. Seems that you have a great life together. Life is short so enjoy. Me? I'm going back to my 12 hour shift. It's an honest hard work and not enough money.

I can’t really say anymore about the visit of His friend than I already did. Of course friendship is a real thing and that you have a romantic relationship doesn’t mean to end all your friendships. Friends are part of your future too. But noone forces you to have or make friends of your own, that’s fine. Just don’t judge other people’s friendships especially since you don’t even know what friendship is (when you say you don’t believe in the existence of friends that means you can’t, naturally, know what a friend is, that’s no offense, just a logical consequence).

And you are mistaken with ‘when you have money the sky is the limit’ in my opinion. Yes money is important in our world in order to survive. And yes, having lots of it makes your life easier, more convenient and opens opportunities you wouldn’t have otherwise. But all the money in the world can’t make you happy when you’re lonely, alone, have noone who cares for you, loves you, laughs with you, to share all the great things with you can do with money. Money alone will not make you reach the sky. But unfortunately many people only seem to realize that when they are older or sick. Have you ever heard someone saying on their deathbed “I wish I would have earned more money”? No, if they have to regret something, they say “I wish I would have spent more time with my family”, “…my friends”, “…told x that I love him/her before it was too late”, “…founded a family”, “…done more things I enjoy instead of working all the time” etc. If anything at all it’s ‘When you have people who love you, the sky is the limit’.

A year ago, my Master was living in a beautiful house in the middle of nature in Canada, had a great job with a high income, had a car, a truck, an RV and everything else material you can wish for. Right now He is living in an 2 room apartment in East Germany, is unemployed, has to use the tram because we have no car, lives in a place with almost no furniture. Ten years ago I had 105,000€ (130,000 USD) on my bank account, had a nice apartment, my piano, my guitar, my violin, my theremin, had a nice car and everything else material you can wish for. Right now I’m living in an 2 room apartment in East Germany, I’m broke, have to use the tram because we have no car, live in a place with almost no furniture. And we are still both happier than we were before, closer to ‘the sky’ than ever. Because it’s not money and material things that get you there…

Of course it depends on your definition of the sky. Maybe your sky is reachable by money. Ours is not. And I wouldn’t want to be in your shoes for a second tbh, no offence. I wish you luck to reach your sky, honestly, and I hope you won’t feel terribly lonely if you get there and notice that you made a mistake…

Hello, I am the anon who asked about money. That your master was dishonest I cannot find justification for. I am far from being a user and do not look for love based on someone's pocket. As he once said, no free meal. He would like to know as much as possible about a potential mate for life, right? Health, Body, Character. I just wanted to know if he could do what he is exactly doing for you: paying the bills, feeding you and still having reserves for a rainy day. His answer was inappropriate.

Reference

I did not say, that He was dishonest. I said the answer He gave was an intelligent move, no matter if it’s true or not (see Reference link). Like I wrote here He is not a rich man, so I wouldn’t say He was dishonest but telling the truth. Even though I would find it justified to answer this kind of question with No as a matter of principle, but that’s only my personal opinion.

Like I said, there’s absolutely nothing wrong about the need or preference for a wealthy man, to be interested in His income. It’s about something else: To ask for His financial situation before asking Him about His favorite food, His goals, His traumas, what makes Him laugh, what makes Him cry, how He spends His free time, before getting to know Him as a person instead of a provider and to let Him get to know you… this approach is something that shows an immense incompatibility between Him and the person asking. That doesn’t mean that it’s a bad approach, I’m not judging, I’m just stating somebody who acts like this is very different from Him and me.

When you left your ex's couch was he ok with it and easily let you go? How about former friends and acquaintances did they give you any hard time about you leaving their circle and moving on with your Master? And when you were staying on your ex's couch did he have a girlfriend at the time and if so did she not mind? By the way, I'm hoping your Master's friend will extend you the same courtesy of such a long visit at his home country or at least will reciprocate your generosity somehow.

Reference

His friend already did and does reciprocate. By being a friend. By giving helpful advice, by laughing together, by being honestly happy for my Master for His new relationship, by making my Master feel happy, by expanding my knowledge by telling me many interesting things about Japanese life and culture, by cooking for us when I was feeling too bad to do it, by being a help in different ways, by just giving my Master a good time, by being here, by listening to my Master when He needs a friend to talk to, by always honestly sharing his opinion, by being a kind person. By being His friend.

I’m honestly confused about your reaction to/evaluation of this situation. Two best friends living on different sides on the planet, one making a Europe trip and while doing that stopping by his friend who is living in Europe to spend time together… That’s a perfectly normal thing, there is nothing unusual or selfish about it. To assume any bad intentions here, because he prefers to stay with us instead of a hotel while in the area, is something I find extremely irrational. That’s just friendship. Friends enjoy spending time together. Friends don’t make you pay for the food you eat in their home or for the rent during their stay, that’s ridiculous. And you don’t prefer to stay with a friend instead of a hotel because of these reasons, that’s also ridiculous.

No, my Ex did not have a new relationship at this time, of course in this case it would not have been possible for me to live with him. And no, he did not let me go easily. To leave other people was no problem since my ‘circle’ was the drug scene and not real friends. I lost all my real friends long ago in the process of my addiction.

Hello, so is he giving up on his farm dream for you in Germany

No. Like I just wrote, we plan to live in a rural area, somewhere with nature around and space to live our life as we please without annoying neighbors and other disturbances. We both share the same dream, which is exactly the ‘Farm Dream’ as you put it. That He already has a farm but in a place I can’t follow Him to is very unfortunate but we…He will find another way. What’s the most beautiful farm worth when you are alone there and can’t share it with your love… There are many farms on this planet but only one Him and only one me. Being together is the most important thing for us, no matter where.

Why do you move? What is wrong with your current place?

It’s a two room apartment in the middle of a city, surrounded by traffic and people. Even though it’s a nice apartment and a calm neighborhood, at some point we want to live in a more rural area with nature around instead of cars and with more space. But that’s in the future, for the time being we live and stay here.

Will you both move to the west eventually? I mean west Germany.

We don’t know yet where we will move. Anyplace we want, the world is big (:

Just curious about his friend: does he not get bored after staying with you more than a few days? What's for him to do so long there? Maybe I am just not used to that. Sorry but to me it sounds like using your boyfriend for free food, lodging etc.

They are best friends and live on different continents so they don’t see each other very often. They enjoy spending time together when they have the rare opportunity.

Coming from Japan to Germany to get free food? Sure… That’s so irrational, sounds like projection from your side to me tbh, no offence…

Your body is perfect! What's your secret?!?

Filters!

Seriously… my body is far from perfect. I tell you my ‘secret’: I do have stretch marks on my thighs too like all other 30 year old women on this planet. I have visible veins in weird places on my body because I destroyed all the normal veins with my addiction and my body had to compensate for that. My tits are not more than an A cup. My ass doesn’t defeat gravity. I have too much fat on my upper arms. And a lot of birth marks. And literally around 200 scars, partly in the most unusual places. I’m a normal woman.

My body is not even nearly as perfect as this Masterpiece that is my Master - like..really… I have to make some pictures, then you’ll see what I mean. I sometimes wonder what’s wrong with this guy that He doesn’t realize that… or doesn’t care. Anyway, believe me, I’m not perfect, I’m average. But that’s okay (:

keepingher:

She does this. A lot.

And I like it. A lot.

I’m probably the clingiest person in the world. But I can’t help it, I just love it to cling to Him 😻

keepingher:

Precious.

Vulnerable.

Devoted.

Mine.

Yours 🖤

I’m so happy to be Yours 😻

keepingher:

You make me happy by suffering for me.

You make me happy by letting me make You happy by suffering for You 🖤

keepingher:

This is what she has the most trouble understanding. If there was only good in her, she wouldn’t need someone like me.

I would need You in any case!

You are right though, I do have trouble to understand how You can see the bad in me and still want me. But I’m happy that You do!

Hello, one more ask: do you think your Master could take care of you without having to work one more day in his life? Isn't it nicer and better to spend 24/7 and have the funds to do it without worrying about work? I have a Master who works very hard for a living and I am so jealous of your lifestyle which is free of work. But I do respect my Master for working hard because he provides for us and it's not his fault he was not born rich etc. Wish he had more free time to give me like yours.

No, He couldn’t afford to care for us for the rest of our lives without having to work for it - we are 30 and 43, He would have to be a multi-millionaire in order to be able to do that.

You obviously have a wrong impression of Him/our life. He is not rich, He doesn’t come from a wealthy family and He always worked and will continue to work for His money like most other people. That you don’t drown in an existential crisis as soon as you lose a job because you have some savings or in a depression every time you get a bill doesn’t mean you’re a rich person.

The ideal is certainly to be able to afford a life without working anymore one day and just spend every second together doing whatever we want, but this is not our life now. Until two weeks ago He worked eight hours a day, five days a week like all other people (only from home) and He will continue to do so.

We’re not living a wealthy but a completely normal life (and that’s perfectly fine).

I would like to ask why you live in East Germany. You said the people are nicer but you don't have to deal with them anyway (no working relationship etc) so what is it really? Since your partner is so well off, he surely can afford a nicer better place in the west where the food quality and the Internet services are better. Also, because he is so successful and have the means to do so, why are you not picking nice furniture? I was totally shocked how he got fired and yet sponsored his friend.

Since He didn’t know Germany at all, He left it completely to me to decide in which city we will live. I chose this place for three reasons:
1) I’ve already been living here in the past for two years and liked it very much. The people are nice, there is a real sense of community here, it’s not too big a city but not small either. It’s just a good place to live, I always wanted to come back one day and this was the opportunity to do it.
2) It’s so much cheaper to live here than in the rest of Germany. For example in Hamburg where I lived before an apartment like ours, similar in size and location, would literally cost 3-4 times as much as here. That has nothing to do with being able to afford it, it’s just stupid to pay three times as much if you can have the exact same thing somewhere else cheaper.
3) The most important issue for us was to find an apartment soon after He came to Germany since I lost mine a few months earlier. We have a huge rental crisis in Germany atm, even people who are well off search for a year or more in some cities before they get an apartment. East Germany is the only place here where you don’t have this problem. Once He was in the German credit score system (landlords here want to know your score) it took us 2 weeks to get a place. Everywhere else it would have taken months, at least.

We don’t spend much on furniture because we don’t intend to stay here for long and will leave behind our stuff, except personal things, once we leave.

It’s not about ‘sponsoring’ someone. When you have a friend stay with you for awhile you don’t make him pay for his food etc. That’s a matter of course.

Have you been able to save any money of your own while you were in other relationships? If yes, why didn't you use it to rent your own place instead of being homeless? Is it like what they say, that all you cared was to spend it on drugs? And even if that was the truth, could you not ask for a temporary loan from one of your "good" exes so you can at ;east secure a safe place to live?

Yes, exactly, I spent it all on drugs.

I did loan some money when it was absolutely unavoidable but that doesn’t help with getting an apartment and being able to pay for it regularly. I wouldn’t want anyone else beside my partner if I have one to have to pay for my expenses. That’s just not me. I’m rather living on somebody else’s couch than this.

Sorry to be so direct in my ask...but I'm a sub who is attracted above all to well off men (of course character is very important to me but i won't date someone who is not well of to start with). I know this make me sounds like a gold digger, user, selfish person but I am not. I just like the security money can provide. Long time ago I asked your Master in a general ask if he were well of and he said no. Is this a bad question to ask a dom? I'm so happy for you he has the means to care for you.

No need to be sorry for frankness.

Every man who craves an emotionally deep relationship, like my Master too, would respond to a girl only interested in if he is wealthy with no, no matter if it’s true or not. That’s quite an intelligent move since by this question she proves that she is not compatible to him and this response is the easiest and most gentle way (in comparison to, for example, a ‘You’re too selfish/superficial for my taste’) to kill her interest in him.

But I don’t think that it’s in general a wrong thing that you want a wealthy man. People are different and have different needs. For some the priority is the interpersonal, emotional connection, for others it may be to have a certain lifestyle, in terms of luxury. The important thing is that two people match each other. There are a lot of wealthy men who would be perfectly fine with a relationship with a girl like you describe yourself. What would make you selfish, would be to take advantage of a wealthy man who needs something else than you and you pretend to provide it to keep the relationship going for your benefit. This would be evil (in my opinion). But as long as you are always direct and open about what it is that you need and expect, and what you’re willing to give in return, I see no problem. You will find someone who needs what you can give and give what you need or want. There’s a match for everyone.

I never asked my Master for His income or possessions and that showed Him that we are compatible (in this regard). When we were looking for an apartment I needed His income papers (every landlord here wants to see them to make sure you can afford the rent) and I was honestly a little shocked about them, I didn’t like it to know about these things so early in our relationship because I was flat broke and I didn’t want Him to think I’m only with Him because of money. I hated it to know His income, I was afraid this could damage our relationship, could make Him doubt my intentions - especially since He once mentioned that He already made bad experiences with girls trying to take advantage of Him. But that’s only me/us, like I said, everybody is different and that’s fine.

I have questions about your withdrawal I hope you can answer: 1) do you take clonazapem or anything else so you can sleep peacefully? 2) do you still have nausea? 3) when do you expect the side effects to stop and what happens if you are still ill when your friend returns-will your boyfriend tell him he cannot host him because your health comes first? 4) in what way have you been disobedient? 5) would that detox have been possible if your boyfriend had to work during this time?

I can answer because we are still reducing the dosage. I was so highly dosed for so many years that a cold detox drove me literally crazy…

1) I take pregabalin (reduces opiate withdrawal symptoms a little), clonazepam, lorazepam (both benzodiazepines, sleeping pills), zolpidem (another sleeping pill), melperon (something like ‘haldol light’, an antipsychotic), dominal (sedative) or paroxetin (sedative anti depressant) when needed. Not all together at once of course, only one or two at a time according to my symptoms. And something against neausea (vomex syrup, a sort of antihistamine), against diarrhea (loperamide) and magnesium against muscle cramps. My blood stream is a pharmacy at the moment.

2) Not at the moment. I only have nausea when I’m completely on ‘cold turkey’.

3) I don’t know how long it will take. Of course my health comes first but we will host my Master’s friend anyway when he returns. I can still do my detox and have my Master’s full attention, care and support. If I’m still detoxing when our guest is back, he will have to care for himself a little more for I won’t be able to do that, prepare meals etc and spend more time alone because I’ll need my Master by my side, but it will work.

4) We got into a little (physical) fight two days ago when my Master tried to chain me to the bed when I tried to escape from the apartment by jumping down 4 meters out of the window (he locked the door and took my key). Needless to say that of course I did not make it out of the apartment. But I hit Him during this fight (once, softly, in a harmless spot) and caused Him a scratch on His back. I feel horrible about that. - Like I said… “literally drove me crazy”…

5) Since He worked from home, yes it would have been possible. But if He would have to leave me alone for hours no, that would never work.

Guten Morgen Tumblr! // Good morning Tumblr!

Me: I hate myself.

Sir: Well, that makes one of us.


Gute Nacht Tumblr! // Good night Tumblr!

*crawling back into my Master’s arms* 😻

@ Followers

Dear Followers, as you probably all know, there is unfortunately a lot of hatred here on Tumblr. Against women, against the LBGT-community, against sadistic Dominants of course (this one I’m directly confronted with sometimes), against people who are not of perfectly white skin color, blonde and blue eyed, against Muslims, against Democrats, or Republicans, against people with unusual fetishes and in general against all kinds of minorities.

To make it absolutely clear: I’m a firm believer in and supporter of general equality of all humans. That I consider my Master and me to be not equal is a personal choice I made, we both made, we chose to make ourselves unequals (Him being superior to me) and that’s a huge difference from inequality by nature…or ‘by default’ for whatever reason - there is no such thing for me/us.

And that I’m supporter of equality necessarily implies that I’m repulsed by people who support the opposite, who consider others generally inferior to themselves or the group they belong to, which means I don’t want to have any sign of them on my blog (did not happen so far, this is merely a ‘preemptive strike’). So: If you identify as a misogynist/sexist, racist, fascist and/or are xenophobic, homophobic, anythinghumanthatisdifferentfromyourself-phobic and/or think of yourself as superior by nature/as a matter of principle/generally to other people because they are different than you, I request you not to follow me, not to send me messages or asks, not to reblog, like or comment my content, in short not to interact with me or this blog in any way.

And to the people who are a target of hatred: I don’t care if you’re male or female, or both or in between or something else, trans, genderqueer or -fluid or whatever; of black, white, brown, yellow, green, blue or purple… skin color; straight, gay or bi…; dominant, submissive, switch, sadist, masochist…; into cuddles, rape-play or piss…; christian, muslim, atheist…, religious or not in general; however politically oriented as long as not against equal rights; or whatever else - please feel welcome and safe to express yourselves on my blog and do feel free to follow me, write me or reblog/like/comment my content.

Just had the feeling a statement like this is overdue since I noticed that I’m surrounded by 'anti-[whatever]-movements’ here on Tumblr. I’m 100% PRO-human of any form. Just fyi.

Thanks for your attention.

___________

PS: My Master and I almost seem to have established some sort of subconscious telepathic link or so… I just finished writing this post, when I saw that He reblogged a post about equality a minute ago Himself - not knowing about my post or me about His reblog. Spooky…..

keepingher:

How we sleep.

Falling asleep skin on skin with my head on Your chest, hearing Your heartbeat, and Your arm around my shoulders always makes me feel so safe and happy 🖤

kikustar:

I’m craving casual domination so bad. 

Tie my hands together and cuddle me while we watch tv
Tell the waiter my order without consulting me
Speak to me in a stern voice 
Hold my hand in a leading manner 
Stop asking me what I want
Just
Put me in sub space and keep me there

Please

Yes, this. Especially now during my week of hell. The more I’m out of control the more I need to feel His control to stay calm and not go crazy. Him making me feel He is in charge and has everything, especially me, under control never fails to calm my body and mind.