January 2018

My favorite place: At His feet.

I follow You everywhere.

Your favorite pet.

I love it when You touch me.

Devotion.

Just this once…change is good.

I do that sometimes while He is taking a break from work (or while He is working, I can’t help it). Just hopping on His lap, hugging and kissing. I love that 🖤

Do you know if your "Mess" dom is available? Would you mind if another sub is interested in him?

Reference

Of course I would be totally fine with other women being interested in him. Our relationship is over, he is a good man and was a good partner to me, I want him to be happy.

But no, he is not really available.

Thank you for explaining what your Master did for you that others did not. I am speechless. I was also upset to read that your former masters only cared to inflict as much pain and discomfort and did not care about your well being. I hope they will end their life miserable lonely and alone. Your Master's devotion to you knows no limit. I believe every master should be this way. Too bad the world is full with mostly bad people.

Reference

My last Dom before my Master was actually a really nice guy; not all were this bad. He was just what my Master described in His Dom-category-post as “The mess”. He was not able to be really ‘caring’ in every sense of the word because He was too depressed, undisciplined Himself and His own life was a complete chaos for itself. So it wasn’t possible for Him to provide structure or support for my life. But He was good to me and honestly loved me.

So it was not all of my Doms who were like this… only focus on sex and nothing else… ‘only’ most of them.

You are right, my Master is very devoted to caring for me. And for doing this for me He gets my devotion, 100% of me, everything I can give, back from me in return. I still don’t have the feeling it is enough and that I can never make up for all He is doing for me…

When you were so sick when you first met your Master, did you have fever or vomit? Were you nervous he would see you so sick? Also, at that time, what happened that you lost apartment and car all at once and so suddenly?

Reference

My former Dom dropped me after ten years for an 18 year old girl and left me with a mountain of debts and obligations I couldn’t pay on my own. This caused the loss of my, formerly our, apartment, car and health insurance two years later.

I didn’t have a fever but nausea, migraine and stomach cramps, I was heavily on detox from opiates and took a ton of medication to suppress the symptoms because I couldn’t have made the trip to Cologne to meet Him otherwise. Because of these I was severley sedated, could barely walk or think straight, my mind was clouded, I had trouble talking in english (since it’s not my native language and I couldn’t focus or concentrate) and was generally like half in a coma.

I was extremely nervous and worried what He might think of me in this condition and hated it not to be able to present myself in the best possible light. Of course I wanted to be attractive and lovely and so on and instead was a complete train wreck. But He didn’t care for the outside, He looked right through it

Hi! I love your blog and your relationship. I’m just looking for some advice, my parents are unaccepting of my relationship and I’m just wondering how you would deal with it?

Hello. Thank you.

I’d very much like to give you some advice but with this little information I don’t think I’m able to do that.

Your parents don’t accept your relationship… how to deal with that… There are of course many ways to deal with it but which one would be the best, or at least could be a good, one (~which one I would choose) depends on the details and circumstances.

What kind of relationship exactly is it you have? How long are you together, are you married, have children, how serious is it? Are you (both) happy, is it a problematic relationship? Who is ‘family’… your mother, father, parents, siblings, maybe even children…? How is your relationship to your family generally besides the not accepting the relationship part? What don’t they accept - your partner personally, your lifestyle…? What do they know about it /him / how you live? What does ‘not accepting’ mean - do they downright hate you or your partner, do they think he is an abuser and you a victim, are they not happy about it but at least recognize and respect that you are happy? And so on…

If you don’t mind, please give me a little more background information and I’ll be happy to tell you what I think about it. I’d like to give advice, but I don’t think I would do you any good by just writing down some general, shallow phrases that apply to every possible case but don’t really say anything useful about a / your specific case.

Could you define the different types of dominants seen or commonly seen in bdsm?

keepingher:

It’s difficult to pin them all down, and of course labeling always risks pigeon holing, but here are the major archetypes that Dovey and I were able to come up with so far. There is, of course, lots of crossover between the various archetypes:

The Daddy

His view of the perfect relationship is one of care and indulgence, as well as discipline, as if having a child in his care. There are different “age groups” within this category that his charge regresses to, each having a significant effect on how the dynamic works (stern daddy, coloring books, or even toddler stuff).

The Man of the House

This form of dominance can occur within or outside of BDSM, and generally doesn’t go far beyond spanking. It follows a more “traditional” set of roles where the man is in charge and his woman serves and supports him, like the 1950s as depicted in old television shows of the era.

The Pet Trainer

He prefers treating his sub like an animal pet, making her act out things the way a particular animal would, and setting up an environment to reinforce that.

The Slave Owner

He treats her like a slave in the literal sense of the word. Her rights are restricted in whatever ways he sees fit, and her body belongs to him, available for any use at any time.

The Online Dom

He only dominates online, weaving beautiful narratives and scenes with subs. His life in the real world will usually be drastically different. He may even be married, as could his subs. Their relationship is entirely within the fantasy realm, but can last for years.

The Bedroom Dom

He only dominates in the bedroom. Outside of sex, he’s not interested in controlling aspects of her life. They can be entirely equal in every other part of their relationship.

The Part Time Dom

He doesn’t want to live with his sub, but would rather have encounters and scenes with her on a part time basis.

The 24/7 Dom

He wants control over her at all times, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. His dominance permeates all aspects of her life.

The Wannabe

He hasn’t actually dominated someone, but wants to. He’s usually younger and still learning how things work. Often, he’ll talk big - even bigger than those who actually do.

The Trophy Collector

His interest is primarily in how many subs he’s had. Relationships with him don’t generally last long, because he’s more interested in the chase.

The Stable Master (or Harem Keeper)

He wants to have lots of subs under his command, to be called upon whenever he wants something from them.

The Caretaker

His primary interest is in using his discipline to improve her life. He’ll force her to do things that he considers good for her, whether she wants it or not.

The Loveless Dom

He doesn’t love his slave. Their relationship is purely utilitarian, and he reserves the right to end it whenever it’s no longer convenient for him, or after a prescribed period of time.

The Abuser

The abuser can love his sub, but his own neuroses cause him to tear her down and reduce her security so that she hangs on out of fear rather than love. Rules will change randomly, and he will punish for transgressions she didn’t even know about. Often he’ll justify it as “keeping her on her toes”. Living with an abuser requires her to walk on eggshells.

The Sadist

He finds satisfaction in making her suffer for him. Such a dominant needs a woman who is happy to sacrifice for him to show her devotion.

The Butcher

He likes to see blood and gore. His ideal sub is one who wants to be permanently marked up and mutilated.

The Sgt Major

He is extremely regimented, and prescribes not only what she will do, but how she will do it. Her speech, mannerisms, and actions must be impeccable. His control is absolute.

The Director

Like the Sgt Major, he wants things to happen a specific way, except that he insists on telling his sub before each “scene” how things will go, who will do what, and in what order, like a director giving instructions to actors.

The Title (Mr Leather)

He insists that everyone refer to him as “Master Soandso.” He wears all the right gear, to the point that he looks out of place in any normal setting. To him, the status matters above all else.

The Subly Dom

He calls himself dominant, but he’s actually submissive. He can put on a domly show for a little while, but very soon he’ll be seeking your approval.

The Servant Dom

He dominates, but only in the ways she wants him to. The servant dom is tuned to her feelings, and will change what he does in response to the vibe he gets from her. She in turn picks up on this, and becomes more anxious because she’s now the one controlling the relationship, which is exactly what she doesn’t want (unless she likes to top from the bottom).

The Mess

He is dominant, but his life is in shambles and he can’t seem to get his shit together. His chaos amplifies hers, making her feel even less secure than she would on her own.

The Irresponsible

He doesn’t think very far ahead, and ignores the consequences of his actions. He is sincere, but extremely dangerous.

The Bipolar

He’ll jump from happy to angry in an instant. His sub has to be VERY careful about what she says and does, because so many things will set him off.

You are the perfect kind of Dominant for me, Sir!

The slave owner, 24/7 Dom, Sadist and Caretaker. Everything I love, want and need in a Dominant as an all-time slave who likes to show her devotion through (among other things) sacrifice and needs a lot of care and love. You are the absolute perfect match for me! We are the perfect match for each other! 🖤

It’s the ‘little’ things…

Last night we were lying in bed, my head on His chest, both His arms wrapped around my body, holding me tight. We didn’t talk, we were just lying there in the dark, silent, and holding each other in our arms, enjoying the closeness. And after a long time of silence He suddenly tightened His hug a little more and said: “This is what life is about.” Nothing else, just this… This is what life is about…

That made me so incredibly happy.

These are the 'little’ things, a tight hug and a single sentence, that mean so much. These are the things that are the most powerful…

I love caring masters. Please share one thing that reall (or many more if you like) that really means a lot to you that your Master does for you that other masters did not do.

In comparison to other Doms I had His focus is not on teaching me to have His dick in my throat as deep as possible, spread my legs as wide, arch my back as much as possible, take as much pain as possible before I break down, endure the tightest restraints or wear biggest anal plugs or gags. That’s not the kind of training that’s important to Him, these things are secondary… tertiary. His ‘training’, His dominance is making me eat healthy, not hiding in the apartment constantly but making me go out for a walk, get some exercise and fresh air and sunlight, making sure I do the things that are important for my life, like taking care I get back on health insurance or necessary paperwork, making me go see a doctor when I’m ill, approaching my addiction the right way, occupying my mind with other things than how to autodestruct most efficiently…. these kinds of things. Not until all these things that really matter are taken care of comes the kinky fuckery and torture. His priority is care over kink.

The first thing He did to care for me was before we even met personally. During His Europe trip last year He planned to visit Cologne on the way up to Norway, His main destination to visit family there. I was living near Cologne (an hour away) at this time so we decided to meet. When the day when He was supposed to come to Cologne was almost there I felt so ill because of my detox that it would have been a horror trip for me to make it from where I lived to Cologne. He could have just said ‘You make it or you don’t, not my problem’ - I was just a girl from the internet to Him at that point, basically a stranger - and since this was the only chance to meet Him I probably would have made the trip, sick like hell. But He did something else, He changed His (and His father’s and brother’s who accompanied Him) route and schedule, decided to travel over Hamburg to Norway and visit Cologne on the way back, so that I had 2 more weeks to get better before our meeting. I wasn’t better two weeks later, I was even worse, but He couldn’t have known that. - We didn’t know each other personally yet at this point, we didn’t even skype or had a single phone call, we had only chatted over Tumblr and Whatsapp and only for a few weeks. I was a stranger to Him, just some Sub He met over His blog. And He changed His whole holiday schedule for me, because I was ill, to make sure I don’t have to travel to Cologne in this condition. This was a very considerate, very caring thing to do I think; the first one of many that followed.

The next thing He did to care for me was His decision to come back to Germany for me. He always made clear on His blog that the next girl He would consider would have to travel to Him, that He won’t travel the world anymore only to find out, again, that someone doesn’t mean it seriously or isn’t really compatible to Him, that she has to prove that she really means it by making an effort to come to Him. And after our night in Cologne I was absolutely prepared and willing to do that - but it was literally, technically just not possible because I wasn’t allowed to cross Canadian (or US) -borders. Also was my life falling apart at this time, I had just lost my apartment recently, my car and my health insurance. I was in absolutely no condition to make a journey like this, even if I would have been legally allowed to. I was in a free fall and close to hitting the ground and He knew that if there would ever be a chance for us to come together, then only if He comes and catches me before I reach the ground and the impact damages me too much. So that’s what He did. He said that I made this trip to Cologne in this horrible condition, barely able to walk, having to take a huge detour because the trains didn’t drive this day, on heavy medication against withdrawal symptoms, generally in no condition to make this trip… but doing it anyway, for Him, was proof for Him that I really mean it and that during our night in Cologne, our talks, how I behaved etc. He could see that I have a good heart and character and that there’s a good chance that we match each other well enough for a relationship. So after only one single personal encounter, only one night together, He packed His bags in Canada - that was only eight weeks later - and came back to Germany to care for me. Not to have someone to fuck and torture, in fact it took a rather long time until He started with these things, but to care for me. And that’s what He is doing ever since.

He is honestly the most caring person I ever met in my life. Nobody besides my mother has ever done more for me to help me improving my life and well being. He cares for me every single day by making sure I live healthy, have a stable environment to live in, do the necessary things to keep my life in order and by making me feel loved, desired, valued…cared for.

Kill yourself abusive cunt

keepingher:

Aww you’re such a sweet talker 😘

(ง •̀_•́)ง Don’t you dare to insult my man!!

He’s the sweetest, kindest, most caring person I ever met in my life - I know exactly what abusers are because I spent almost half of my life with two of them, and my Master is so far from being ‘abusive’ as someone can possibly be.

And I’m very protective about Him, so feel yourself hereby punched in the face and kicked in the ass for your attempt to offend my wonderful, perfect, loving Master, asshole!


image

____________________

[I know I shouldn’t take these stupid kinds of Asks seriously and respond to them, I’m sorry Sir… but I can’t just stand by when someone talks bad about You ): As a matter of principle - You’re my man and You’re so good to me, I just can’t help it, I have to defend You. Thank You for being this wonderful, caring, loving person You are :* ]

*******

And greetings to the person who just recently ‘admired’ how ‘gracefully’ I deal with haters. I’m just a human sometimes,sry (:

How can I avoid a situation of crisis that can endanger my relationship with my Master? Is there a way to prevent it before it even happens?

Reference

You can NOT make absolutely sure, that you will never have a crisis in your relationship. Where human beings are interacting with each other there are automatically ‘pitfalls’ and the more emotions involved the deeper they are. Most likely sooner or later you will hit one. But you can do a lot to avoid at least most of them, and to get out again if you fall in one anyway.

These are for example typical relationship-‘mistakes’ to avoid that can easily lead to crisis.

The most important thing, that can make up for almost every mistake you could do: Communication and cooperation. Talking, see Reference link above, and working together, not against each other. If you do that, problems change from causes of crisis to subjects of conversations and thereby can be solved before they start to become toxic.

Also for me it’s extremely important to understand how the other works, to recognize the differences in how our minds and emotions work, because that’s often the reason for trouble between couples. For example my Master is not a talker, He is a ‘touch-person’. I’m a 50/50 ‘words/touch-person’. I tell Him every day, from morning til evening that I love Him. He doesn’t do that. If I wouldn’t know how He works I would have to think He doesn’t love me as much as I love Him and that could only lead to problems. But I know that He doesn’t show His emotions in words but touch and gestures and if I count those as ‘I love You’s we’re pretty much even.

This is in my experience a huge problem in relationships. Everybody is different and that someone doesn’t do everything the way you do it or like it does not necessarily mean he or she doesn’t recognize you or love you. You have to make an effort to understand each other and where you fail to figure things out about the other on your own you have to talk about it. I know He is a touch person because He told me that to make sure I understand how He expresses His feelings for example.

If you already have a crisis the most important thing to overcome it is that both have the motivation to do that. If you doubt that this relationship is worth the trouble it’s extremely difficult and I can’t give general advice for this situation because it’s too different for every couple what exactly causes these doubts. But if you both want to fight it, then it’s definitely possible to do it. By… well, communication, I know I repeat myself but that’s how it is.

Talking about everything, in an understanding, calm, respectful manner, can solve 99% of all relationship problems.

I feel more freedom in Your chains than I ever felt before being ‘free’. - @keepingher

Meta Talks

instructor144:

A PM from a Follower, abstracted in the interests of privacy …

“Good morning Wolf. Where might I find your Meta talks information please?”

I talk about it at various places in my pieces, but this made me realize that I’ve never written about “meta talks” as a standalone topic, and it really does deserve such. So …

A “meta talk” or “meta conversation” is a discussion about the dynamic rather than within the dynamic.

The thing about D/s relationships is, discussion and communication happens within the framework of the power exchange. This can make foundational discussions and changing the parameters uncomfortable. For the submissive, because she is hesitant to be seen as “challenging” her Dom. For the Dominant, as he may be worried that she is “being a brat” at best, “topping from the bottom” at worst. Hence, meta talks.  The two people should agree at the outset that they will have a “safe place” where they can “step out” of the power dynamic and refine and debug their dynamic in order to keep it healthy and optimal for both of them.

An example might help …

“I have a new task for you, whore. Every evening at 6PM you are going to go into the bathroom and edge until you are close to cumming, and then stop.”

“Understood, Sir. Let’s have a meta talk.”

“OK, go ahead.”

“6PM is when I’m getting the kids fed and walking the dogs. It’s total crazy-time for me. I’m thinking if we do it closer to bed time – say, 9PM? – I’ll have everyone settled and I can give your task the focus I like to bring to all my tasks.”

“Agreed. 9PM it is!”

“Yay!”

See how easy that is? Think of “meta talk” as sort of a “relationship safe word.” It calls “time out” on the power exchange for a moment. The submissive must never be afraid to invoke it, and the Dominant must always respect it. Some people say “Let’s have a meta talk.” Some people say “Let’s have a Joe and Sally conversation” (assuming the two people’s names are Joe and Sally) or “This is Joe and Sally talking now.”  Whatever signal the couple chooses to “invoke a meta talk,” it is an absolutely vital tool for enabling those all-important adjustments, compromises, and mid-course corrections that are the life’s blood of any health D/s relationship.

Hmm… I want to add something to this that I find important…

I absolutely agree, that communication is key. In every relationship, and also a ‘Master/slave-relationship’ is first and foremost a relationship, and not some kinky sex-game, it’s two (or more) people living their life together on the basis of love, trust, closeness, common future plans and goals. And especially a D/s dynamic has no chance to work for long without both parts communicating openly, without restrictions and limitations, with each other.

But I don’t agree, that a 'step outside of the dynamic’ is generally necessary to do, to achieve this, to create an atmosphere where this communication is possible or (most) effective.

We, my Master and me, never 'leave’ or 'interrupt’ (temporarily) our dynamic, for us it’s always 'on’. And we still have serious talks about important relationship matters, we still communicate honestly and directly. It’s part of the dynamic, not something that happens outside of it.

I can see where @instructor144 is coming from. It’s about enabling the couple to talk to each other as equals for it’s crucial that both have the same right to express themselves and be heard to the same degree. And I do understand how this can not be possible for some from 'within’ the dynamic where one has naturally a 'higher’ position than the other, metaphorically speaking for I lack better words. But I honestly don’t have the feeling, that we have this problem. When I have concerns about something, a question about my Master’s reasoning or any kind of problem regarding our relationship, I feel absolutely free to express this, directly and frankly, at any time and in any (respectful) way. I’m still His slave, He is still the one in charge and who makes the decisions, but I always feel like that He takes my inquiries seriously and values my opinion. We are not 'equals’ in every sense of the word in these situations, His word has more weight than mine, but He is a very responsible person by character and never abuses His authority to cut me off when I need to talk, even when I have (constructive) criticism to communicate, He always hears me out and takes me seriously.

We did have difficult situations, even a crisis that massively endangered our relationship, that we had to solve by honest communication. And our way to communicate always worked and works for us. We do not step out of the dynamic, we do not talk to each other as equals in every regard but we still have a interpersonal climate that allows and enables us to have this kind of communication that is necessary to make our relationship work.

I don’t mean to say it has to be like this for everyone. I can see the advantages of a meta talk like it is described in the post above and understand the reasoning behind it. I just think it is not the only valid and potentially working way to approach this matter. In my experience it definitely is possible to get the same results with communication while staying within the dynamic, to talk about the dynamic from within the dynamic, this is not a contradiction for us.

Every dynamic is different of course and what works for us doesn’t have to work for others though. This is just my subjective, personal point of view. // And in general I absolutely support the general message, that honest and open communicating is the key for a happy, long-lasting relationship, and that the dynamic should never stand in its way.

______________

[Maybe all this is just a matter of semantics, I’m not sure.]

I love Your belt, Sir. I don’t like the pain it causes me, but I like the pleasure it causes You ♡

Very curious what you got for your Master. A hint please?

Reference 1 // Reference 2

Something without practical function but completely symbolic. Something very personal and emotional. Something that gets its value from its meaning, not the material (leather). Something that gets its full meaning not merely by itself but in combination with a choice and act of mine referring to it. A customized item, individually created for Him/us.

The perfect gift

keepingher:

I love my birthday present, Dovey <3

Thank You Sir. It makes me happy that You like it, this means so much to me ♡

I love You, Sir 🖤

I just felt the need to say it, for everyone to see, once more. I love You I love You I love You 😻 - @keepingher

I'm a woman and I really want to know: why men like their dicks sucked. Obviously it feels good, but fucking feels good too. What's with the obsession in both vanilla and BDSM of sucking a man's dick? Almost all BDSM blogs have the scenes that depict it. I want to know why men like it so much and even prefer it to fucking and why they want women to swollen their cum. I've done it before and done it well and I really cannot stand it. I did it to please but really prefer not to do it again.

And you ask me - another woman?! Well okay, I try…. and invite my male followers/readers to correct me where I’m wrong or add what I’m missing. Since I don’t have a dick to get sucked, I can of course only give an opinion, based on observation and conversation (of/with men) and not speak out of first-hand-experience.

Two reasons:

1) Physiologically the tip of a man’s cock is the equivalent to a woman’s clit, so I assume the answer is similar (/the same?) to the question ‘Why do women like it to have their clits sucked/licked?’. Of course I don’t know exactly if it feels the same, men also can’t know if it feels the same since they don’t know how it feels to have a clitoris stimulated, and if you compare a male with a female orgasm (~ how it looks from the outside) i doubt it feels exactly the same, at least in terms of quantity, but quality-wise it should be at least a similar physical sensation I guess. So one reason is obviously that it’s the most erogenous zone and its stimulation makes them cum. How oral and vaginal sex feel different for men I can’t tell, but we all know that wetness improves the sensation and inside of a mouth it’s pretty wet. Also is the tongue a flexible muscle, so it can actively stimulate which you can’t do (well, almost) with your vagina. And I think a throat is normally tighter than a vagina.

2) Probably more important (?): Psychology! Fucking a woman’s mouth/throat/head is a very dominant thing to do. First men are mostly in a dominant position while doing it - the woman kneeling before them, they looking down on her for example, you are physically never ‘on the same level’, the men is always ‘above’ the woman, so kind of in a ‘superior’ position. Second you (can) restrict her breathing by penetrating her mouth/throat, which is something essential for her survival. To hold the power over something she literally needs to survive is an extremely mighty position. Third a blowjob is something that gives sexual pleasure only to him, directly I mean, she doesn’t get physical stimulation from this because for her there are no erogenous zones involved like it is the case for all other kinds of sex. It’s all about him, he doesn’t need to consider her (pleasure, stimulation, orgasm) in this context, he can be completely ‘selfish’. Fourth to ejaculate in her mouth and have her swallow it is also a symbol of power and superiority. Ejaculation during vaginal sex serves an evolutionary purpose - even when you use contraceptives in order to prevent pregnancy, it’s still a natural thing to do, that’s just ingrained in our minds due to ten thousands of years of evolution. To ejaculate in her mouth / have their semen in her stomach has absolutely no biological function at all, it’s a completely psychological thing, it’s merely an act of making her show/feel her devotion. // To sum it up, it’s a matter of power and dominance. During vaginal sex you can still be equals, during a blowjob you are, naturally, not (really).

*********

If you don’t like and want to do it, then just don’t do it. Noone forces you to suck someone’s dick - or if someone tries you have one reason more not to do it, and to run away. A blowjob is one of a thousand parts of sexuality, your sex life is not ‘incomplete’ or ‘worse’ because you choose to avoid it. Everybody has different preferences, that’s fine. Just find someone whose preferences match yours.

*********

And btw in my experience it’s not true that most men generally prefer oral over other variations of sex anyway.

Yours.

Gute Nacht, Tumblr! // Good night, Tumblr!

Sometimes I really feel like my life has become a fairy tale…

keepingher:

You cannot break away from me.

You cannot be taken away from me.

You are mine, and I keep what I take.

🖤

Your canvas.

I feel so safe in Your chains - @keepingher

keepingher:

keptmathilda:

Dude…. really?! Why did you ask if you don’t plan to respect my answer?!

I said it already on my blog, but once again, for those of you who need to be told the same things three times in order to understand them:

1) I don’t mind talking to you, Dom or Sub, about BDSM related or other things, via PM in general. My Master is fine with that too. But I don’t flirt, talk dirty, send pictures of me or want pictures of you, I don’t respond to play offers and I don’t talk privately with other Doms about intimate things. That’s a matter of respect towards my Master and also am I just not interested in these kinds of conversations. If you need advice, have a question about something that’s not too intimate or just need someone to talk to, go ahead. But respect my Master’s ownership over me and our relationship.

2) In an Ask, anon or not, you can ask me anything. If something is too private, I just don’t answer it, but try your luck. I don’t mind answering Asks of a sexual nature in general.

3) I didn’t think it would be necessary to mention that but obviously it is: If you ask me if something is okay for me, respect it if I say it’s not! This should be a matter of course?! If you are not sure if a particular question via PM is okay for me just be open about it and ask if it’s okay for me to say/answer something about subject xy. That’s fine. But if I tell you I’m not okay with that, have the decency to respect it.

Thanks for your attention.

She is inferior to me.

She is NOT inferior to you. She is not obligated to you. She owes nothing to you.

You will respect her authoritah!

Are we speaking fucking Japanese or what’s the fucking problem?!?


After this I explained again, politely, the difference between an Ask and a PM and repeated again, politely, what I wrote above. The answer was that I should ‘chill’ ….

Now I’m out of patience and politeness. Leave me the fuck alone if you don’t want to respect my limits regarding follower-interaction!!!

We always talk so much about Doms protecting their Subs - but Subs are not less protective of their Doms, at least I’m certainly not.

I feel extremely protective about my Master. Not because I would think of Him as weak or unable to defend or take care of Himself, not because He would need my protection. But because He is the most precious person I have in my life and the more we value something, the more we need and depend on something or someone, the deeper we love someone, the stronger our need to protect this person from harm. He is my King, my Leader, my Partner in life - I’d do anything to protect Him.

When my Master suffers, I suffer with Him. Literally, genuinely, deeply. It hurts me, really hurts me, to see Him feeling bad. There is noone, I feel a stronger need to care for, for His safety and well being, than Him.


These feelings are not something exclusively dominant. It’s the same on both sides.

I’m Yours.

For you, I would.

(via 89words)

Whatever the question would be… This is always the answer - @keepingher

I’d do anything for You 🖤

Power and Responsibility

keepingher:

A D/s relationship is one of power exchange. As a dom, you have an incredible amount of power, simply by virtue of who you are, and her respect and admiration for you and her devotion to you. It’s a natural thing for you to be in control and direct her, and it is her natural thing to melt into you and obey. That’s what she WANTS to do. That’s what makes her happy.

But don’t think even for a minute that this power affords you the luxury of acting capriciously or endangering those under your care. The reason she obeys so unquestioningly is because she trusts you, and WANTS to trust you implicitly and completely, without reservations. That’s a thing of beauty, and it’s your responsibility to see that her trust is well placed so that it can grow ever higher.

It’s on you to know how much she can take. It’s on you to make wise decisions. Telling her to do something that endangers her or damages her life is just plain irresponsible. And yet I keep hearing again and again how some asshole wannabe dom orders a girl to do just that, and then calls shame on her when she (quite correctly) balks.

Submissives, when your dom tells you to do something that just seems downright irresponsible, stop and ask. I know it shouldn’t happen, and if it does it will pull you out of subspace and it will damage your trust. You’ll get that nagging “this is very wrong, in a bad way” feeling. When that feeling comes, it’s perfectly alright question. And if he can’t give a valid reason other than “because I’m the boss, now do it”, I’m sorry to say that it’s time to find someone who will honor your trust.

What a perfect timing… I just wrote something about Subs having the right to question their Dom’s decisions/orders and a minute later I happened to stumble over this post from my Master’s blog, which is definitely worth a reblog.

I absolutely love Your ’D/s-philosphy’, Sir. I’m so happy to have such a responsible Master like You - to have exactly You 🖤

I know ultimately it's the Dom's decision but I could use some guidance. If you tell your girl to do something to help ensure her safety and she knowingly disobeys but manages to stay safe anyways is it appropriate to punish her? The argument was "but I didn't get hurt which is what the goal was so shouldn't it be okay?"

instructor144:

Yes she should be punished. She chose to disobey a direct instruction and do as she pleased. She gave the finger to the power exchange, and to her Dom. There’s a word for that.

PS: her argument is what I refer to as an attempt to find a loophole. I don’t do loopholes.

[After my first attempt to reblog/comment this failed because somehow Tumblr killed my text and I posted it on the wrong blog, let’s try again….]

If I may give my opinion about this…

If I would be the Dominant in this situation I would be pretty pissed to be honest, maybe even more about this kind of ‘excuse’ than of the act of disobedience itself, because it shows an underlying general problem in the dynamic, and it seems to be a rather common one, which is why I wanted to write something about it:


Yes, of course she should be punished. That her disobedience didn’t have a direct negative consequence / the result was the same as it would have been if she would have obeyed is irrelevant here. This is mainly a matter of respect towards her Dom and the negotiated power exchange. And it is called power exchange for a reason, in comparison to power transfer. There is power on both sides and both have to respect each others authority in their regarding areas (I already wrote something about this just yesterday here).

If you imagine it the other way around, the problem about the described behaviour maybe becomes more obvious: Imagine the Dom would not respect the Subs authority where she has authority, with the argument ‘no negative result, doesn’t matter’. If he would violate one of her limits for example, just a little bit and without doing harm in the end… would that be okay? No, of course not. He could have done harm by doing that, it was just luck that he didn’t, plus he violated a pre-negotiated rule, that is supposed to make her feel safe. Doing this will cost him her trust. And the same goes for the other direction. Provided we are talking about a ‘good’, a caring and responsible Dom here, the orders he gives serve a purpose and he trusts you to obey them. This gives him safety too. Disobeying him where he tries to protect you will cost you a part of his trust and can even make him doubt your desire to submit to him and let him care for you. Which can disturb the dynamic severely if it happens repeatedly.

He needs you to trust in his judgement and decisions, otherwise he can’t ‘work’ as your Dominant. You need to give him this trust by obeying what he decides, which will make you feel safer in the end too, no matter if you agree with a specific decision at a certain point or not, because you will feel the underlying structure in his actions. If one of you works against this ‘system’ it breaks.


I don’t mean to say that a Sub wouldn’t have a right to disagree with her Dom’s decisions or to express concerns in general, quite the opposite. Communication is key; even I, in my relationship where we generally have the premise ‘obedience no matter what’, would not hesitate to tell my Master if I had a severe problem with one of His orders, I would let Him know my thoughts and ask for His reasoning behind it - and that would be perfectly fine for Him, He always values my opinion. But in the end, He knows that I trust His judgement and follow His lead and I find this extremely important for our dynamic.

Again, of course I’m talking here about a Dom who acts responsible. If there is reason to believe someone’s lead leads you into chaos and sorrow, of course there is no need for obedience, but in this case the whole relationship should be questioned…


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I don’t mean to offend the anon who made this Ask. I don’t know what exactly has been negotiated in their relationship, how their individual dynamic works, if she is maybe new to D/s and still learning and exploring, and in general seeking ‘guidance’ from more experienced people is always a good approach. So in case the author of this Ask reads my answer, don’t feel judged please, I just wanted to use this Ask as an opportunity to state a general opinion about this matter.

I've been following you for a while now I love your posts and what you share of your relationship. I also really admire how graceful you are with the shitty anons trying to assume or make judgements about you and your owner. I hope you're having a good day 💖

I thank you very much for your positive feedback and for following me/us. Much appreciated. I wish you a nice day too (:

By the way …

Reference

Just FYI: I would never publish a normal private conversation here or anywhere. You can be sure that PMs with me stay confidential. I only publish disrespectful behavior for educational purposes and even this only anonymized.

My all time favorite Performance-Artist: Marina Abramovic

Her most interesting piece of work, especially in this context of my blog, is probably ’Rhythm 0’.
Marina placed 72 objects on a table with a sign beside it that said, that the audience may use any of these objects on her however they wish. She will stand still for the next six hours and not move whatever happens. She takes full responsibility for everything that will be done to her.

The objects on the table were carefully chosen. She offered objects that can cause joy, like grapes, honey, a feather and objects to cause pain or even death like a scalpel, nails and a hammer, scissors, a loaded gun.

She wanted to find out how far people go, what they do to another, when there is no resistance and no responsibility for their actions….And how far she can go with this herself.

Dude…. really?! Why did you ask if you don’t plan to respect my answer?!

I said it already on my blog, twice, but once again, for those of you who need to be told the same things three times in order to understand them:

1) I don’t mind talking to you, Dom or Sub, about BDSM related or other things, via PM in general. My Master is fine with that too. But I don’t flirt, talk dirty, send pictures of me or want pictures of you, I don’t respond to play offers and I don’t talk privately with other Doms about intimate things. That’s a matter of respect towards my Master and also am I just not interested in these kinds of conversations. If you need advice, have a question about something that’s not too intimate or just need someone to talk to, go ahead. But respect my Master’s ownership over me and our relationship.

2) In an Ask, anon or not, you can ask me anything. If something is too private, I just don’t answer it, but try your luck. I don’t mind answering Asks of a sexual nature in general.

3) I didn’t think it would be necessary to mention that but obviously it is: If you ask me if something is okay for me, respect it if I say it’s not! This should be a matter of course?! If you are not sure if a particular question via PM is okay for me just be open about it and ask if it’s okay for me to say/answer something about subject xy. That’s fine. But if I tell you I’m not okay with that, have the decency to respect it.

Thanks for your attention.

Why do you call her Dovey?

keepingher:

My family used to live on the edge of a nature preserve. One day a dove flew onto our balcony and started drinking my mother’s tea. We gave her something to eat and she stayed on the balcony overnight, so my father made a little nest for her under the eaves from an old wooden apple crate and some straw. She took up residence and we called her Lovey Dovey.

I call her Dovey because she fluttered into my life.

‘she fluttered into my life’… - He’s so cute… 😻

(It would be more correct to say I crashlanded into His life, with fire and explosions and ripped out feathers flying around and so on… but let’s stick with 'flutter’, that sounds much cuter.)

[Older post. How can it be that I never reblogged this so far?!? How negligent of me.]

what are your hard limits and did you ever use your safeword?

Reference

Hard limits - exactly five: 

1) Animals. // Animals are sentient beings who can’t give consent, so having them involved would be abuse. Besides it’s just gross.

2) Children/pedophilia (also such kinds of role-plays incl. pacifiers, diapers etc.). // Would trigger me. And regarding real children of course it would be abuse and a horrible crime.

3) Eating meat or scat. // I’m a vegetarian, period. I don’t eat shit, period. - Well, okay, that’s rather a ‘softer’ hard limit tbh. If my Master would order me to I’d probably do it, just as a matter of principle (obedience no matter what) but fortunately it’s nothing He would want me to do.

4) To exploit my devotion for material profit (e.g. renting me out just for the sake of making money). // Would trigger me and make me doubt He loves me. Sharing in general, for money or not, for His entertainment, satisfaction and/or humiliation reasons, would be something I’d accept of course (even though I wouldn’t like it), naturally, it would be just another way to serve Him, but for the sole purpose of making profit it’s a limit. I need a Master, not a pimp.

5) Severe and/or permanent, physical and/or psychological, damage*. Incl. to expose me to a situation/influence, that pose the danger of such damage = situations in which it is no longer under my Master’s (or my own) control whether or not such damage occurs.

*Damage, that I can’t handle myself as a former medical student / damage I would have to visit a doctor for to avoid severe and/or permanent consequences for my physical and/or psychological health/well-being. - (Btw I personally consider impregnation to be part of this point too, because since I don’t want children this would force me to have an abortion which is something I would have to visit a doctor for and that holds the risk of permanent and/or severe damage to my body and/or psyche, so this is a limit too.)

****

Luckily my Master and I have exactly the same hard limits which gives us the freedom to have in practice no limits at all. Since there is nothing He would want to do with me that is a limit for me, He can do literally everything, without exception, He wants.

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Regarding safewording in our relationship in general see here.

I never had to use my safeword with my Master so far. And I would hate to do it (I know this is an unpopular attitude but I don’t care - it’s me) because I would hate to make Him stop something He enjoys, but in a case of emergency I would of course. Because it’s the only responsible thing to do and because He expects me to for He would never want to damage me.

We had a situation once where I had to interrupt Him beating me, because my hands suddenly became completely numb in my restraints. But I didn’t use a safeword, I just told Him about it (kind of, I was gagged, but He understood me anyway), and He dropped the whip instantly, freed my arms and paused everything He was doing until I was completely fine again.

Human property.

Happily kept by @keepingher, the most wonderful, responsible, just, caring, loving Keeper I can imagine.

I’d do anything for You, Sir. I’m all Yours, with every fiber of my body and mind. Take me, train me, use me, control me, change me however You wish ♡

If your master didn't agree for you to be out on your own, at all, would that be a deal killer?

I wouldn’t be happy about that, it would bother me, because sometimes just doing a walk for an hour, being completely alone, having my music on full volume on my headphones, walking around without a destination, just putting one feet in front of the other without thinking, is something very relaxing for me. I would hate it not to be allowed to do that anymore.

But no - no ‘dealbreaker’ anyway.

I’m my Master’s property, I deliberately chose to give Him control over all aspects of my life, I gave up my freedom to make my own decisions in exchange for being free from responsibility for the consequences of decisions. He is the one to decide over me and that includes what I do and where I am. If He would decide not to allow me to go out alone at all anymore, that would be His right to do.

A power exchange like we live it is not something you can switch on and off according to what’s convenient at the moment and what’s not. This kind of decision would be VERY inconvenient for me, even much more than just that, but it would of course be one I would respect and obey, like all of His decisions. That’s how our dynamic works. I expect Him to hold up His end of the bargain - ie provide me with a loving, caring, stable environment I can live in without fear/anxiety about anything and feeling protected and loved and cared for so that I can focus completely on serving Him and nothing else, and to respect my ‘authority’ in the areas where I have authority, namely setting my hard limits and safewording - so He can expect the same from me, that I respect His authority in the areas He has authority, namely everything else. Whether I like it or not how He uses it in a certain situation or regarding a certain matter is irrelevant. I would never undermine His authority because I don’t like what He does with it.


Nothing He could order or forbid me to do, no matter how much I would hate it, would be a ‘dealbreaker’ for me, would cost Him my respect, love, worship, loyalty or obedience. He can decide whatever the fuck He wants about me because He owns me. And we are both perfectly happy with this arrangement. I’m human property, owned and kept by a loving, responsible Master, with no rights to make decisions for myself and that’s exactly what I want and need. I wouldn’t want to have it any other way.

in your previous relationships did the man dislike morning also?

Some were morning persons (like my Master), some were night owls (like me). But now that I think about it…. Most were rather night owls than early birds, like myself.

That’s one of the big differences between us. I spent most of the last ten years with an inverted sleep-wake-rhythm - being awake at night and sleeping during the day, while my Master used to get up between 6 and 7 in the morning. Our current ‘compromise’ is getting up at 9:30. Which is still horribly early for me (and late for Him), but I slowly get used to being awake at day like normal people…

1) is there a day in the week you don't like or did not use to like? how about your master? 2) when you go out on your own do you keep in touch with him by texting, phone calls and do you tell him every place you go to and do you have to be back by a certain time so he doesn't worry? 3) if you are still hungry after you eat what he left you, do you need to start cooking the whole dish all over again or do you eat other things because the dish itself is gone? 4) are you preparing for her visit?

1) I don’t like Mondays because it’s five whole days away from the weekend = the time we can spend all day with whatever He wants. Same for Him.

2) I don’t go out alone very often. We try to do everything together. I’m only out alone when there is something to do outside during His work time or when I take a walk. He always knows where I am. I don’t have to be back at a certain time, I come back after I finished what I had to do (grocery shopping, appointments etc) or when I’m out for a walk after an hour. He doesn’t ‘check in’ on me while I’m outside (not necessary since I’m only gone for a short time) but we do write sometimes, just to tell us nice things or so.

3) I always cook enough in the first place so that there is enough for us to eat without being still hungry afterwards. But if I would need to have more, I could eat whatever (healthy food) I want.

4) We don’t know yet when exactly she will visit us. But no, we don’t ‘prepare’, there is nothing to prepare (besides closing the huge bag with all the chains, hooks, whips, plugs, gags etc… and hide my pet bed), we will just be ourselves and show her our life as it is… well, the vanilla parts of it. If she doesn’t like it, that’s her problem.