Do you need master's permission to drink water? Is there any thing you can do automatically without prior permission? For example, brush your teeth without formally asking for permission to do it?
No, I don’t need His permission to brush my teeth or to drink (I don’t drink water btw, I normally drink oatmilk). Actually, about drinking, it’s rather the opposite, He rather has to remind me to drink, because I have a weird ‘no-thirst-issue’.
Thanks so much for clarifying about German man. Is your master putting you before his daughter? I too would never agree to be with a man who has family. Unacceptable. I want to be the only one for him. His only family. So when you told your master you ended it with German man, he became interested in you? I love it so much when a man is obsessed about a woman. I am a bit surprised he did not tell you to dump the German so he can be with you instead and immediately. PS can't sleep having bad eve
I didn’t plan to have, again, a Master with children, but if I fall in love with someone who happens to have children there is nothing I can do about it. I wouldn’t leave someone I love because of that. Nobody is perfect, it’s just something you have to live with.
Since His daughter lives in another country she/His relationship to her naturally doesn’t interfere with our life as a couple. But if she would, so be it… that’s a price you have to pay with a partner who has children.
No, he didn’t become interested in me after I left the German man. We were interested in each other for awhile already but we thought it would be completely unrealistic to be together since He is in Canada and I in Germany plus some other odds we have against us and didnt seriously think it could ever work so we were just friends. We just decided to give it a chance anyway once I was single again.
He didn’t tell me to dump the man because this would have been a very selfish advice. And He isn’t a selfish person - He advised me to do what was best for me, not what would have been best for Him. This only showed His good character once more.
Is the German man reading your blog? I sure hope so he can see what an amazing woman he lost!!!!!!!!
Actually I don’t think he is reading my blog. He could; he has a Tumblr blog himself (but he only uses it as some sort of (bdsm-)porn-archive like most men) and he knows about my blog, so technically he could read here, but somehow I don’t think he does that.
And even if he would I doubt that he would see something good he had lost but rather something terribly broken and fucked up that he fortunately got rid of and this point of view isn’t really wrong, it’s probably the truth.
I have absolutely no idea what my Master sees in me, other than a fucked up mess that causes constant trouble and work.
How is detoxing going for you? The illness you mentioned-does it have a cure and are you treating it?
Detoxing is going fine in terms of “It works. I’m reducing the dose. I’m not dying. I will make it.“
Detoxing is going bad in terms of “You don’t see it from the outside but internally I’m freaking out completely and have to fight not to jump out of the window every day because I have sedated my mind and numbed my thoughts and feelings for a decade and now they are suddenly back again… And also this addiction is just sooo strong.. It’s so hard…”
There is absolutely no way I would make it on my own. If it weren’t for Him, I would never manage to get off this shit in my life ever again. But my desire to have Him happy is stronger.
What is your favorite 1) color 2) fruit 3) veggie 4) season 5) poem?
1) Black - I know ‘Black is not a color, it’s the absence of color’ *rollseyes, I don’t care.
2) Hmm, that’s hard. All fruits are great. But maybe mango and Granny Smith apples a little bit better than the rest.
3) Same here… I think I don’t have a ‘favorite veggie’. But I like garden radish very much. And peppers. And leek in sour cream is sooo good, … now I’m getting hungry again.
4) Autumn. Definitly. Spring is okay. I hate summer, too hot, and winter, too cold.
5) This one. Without title by August Graf von Platen. But that won’t help you. It’s a German poem, there is no translation and I have absolutely no idea how to translate it myself, that’s too difficult, sorry. Okay, I try the last two lines, it’s something like…”Everybody hopes that time will give them what it gave to no one else / because everybody seeks to be everything but in the end everybody is nothing.” Hmm…nah, sounds terrible, it loses everything in the translation, I can’t help you, sorry.
But to give you something to read anyway… my favorte BDSM-related poem is this one.
Now you got me intrigued! If it's not considered classified info, please do share what advice your master gave you re German man-and it's ok if you stay vague and not too specific. I really don't know what advice there could be other than move on since the German man left you. I remember he caused you pain, not the kind of pain you like, but a raw pain of being neglected. Also, it seems, with him, he would always put his kids first. It's OK you want to defend him but I don't think of him fondly.
Yes, he would always have put his kids before me - that’s what (almost) all parents do. I was in a relationship for many years with a father of two kids and know what it means only to be the No2 and even though I would never blame somebody for giving his kids the highest priority and can understand that this is how it has to be, I promised myself after this relationship never to have a man with children again. Because I need it to be No1…
Well…sometimes things turn out differently than you planned…
Regarding the advice my Master gave me… You have to keep in mind that He had much more information about the situation I was in and the person it was about than you, the reader of my blog, have. Of course I talked with Him in private more in detail and told Him things I wouldn’t publish here. He thought that this man is not really what I need but He didn’t advise me to leave him, because He knew I would be completely lost if I didn’t find a new Master soon - I’m just not made to be a single, I need someone to serve in order to be happy and to survive myself, the improvement of my own life just depends too much on having someone to serve and love. But this was before the point this guy wanted me to get rid of my depression first before he would want to be with me etc, this changed the situation..
Just the short version, of course it was more complex than this. Bottom line is, that He gave me a good advice and helped me to handle this situation without getting lost. But in the end I made a decision completely on my own… I didn’t tell Him about the very last things that happened, I just decided myself that it can’t work and told Him afterwards what happened / that/how it ended.
I love veggies hope you do too and it's fun to have many different ones. I meant to ask what do you eat next to them for lunch and dinner? Such as any kind of bread? Cheese? Or just the salads and only the salads other than eggs?
Yes I do like veggies very much. I don’t know how a vegetarian could survive without loving veggies.
Of course we eat bread and cheese and… well potentially every kind of non-convenience/industrial food / everything that doesn’t contain aromas, preservatives, tons of sugar etc…
Okay if you want to have it in detail:
I usually have yoghurt (with oats, sunflower seeds and honey) for lunch, he eats kefir almost every day. He has animal protein in the evening, all kinds of meat, I have enough protein over the day so I only eat salad and a sweet potato or quinoa or squash or couscous or whatever we have for dinner.
But like I said, we basically eat everything that’s not convenience food.
It means that we’re a LOT more analytical about everything we talk about.
It means that we don’t have to be guarded when talking to each other for fear of offending.
It means that the autistic quirks aren’t such a strange thing.
It means that we don’t need to fill the room with sound in order to feel the love.
It also means that unfortunately I completely lack this ability many women, especially submissives, seem to have to read their Master’s wishes from his eyes or body language, to just ‘sense’ his desires somehow and fulfill them before he even had to say something. I’m incapable of doing that, I can’t just guess what He wants at the moment, I need specific instructions. I love to serve Him in any way possible, I love to fulfill His wishes, to do things for Him, to support Him, but I need to be explicitly told when He wants something, I don’t know it just by myself. (Even though after awhile and a big enough pool of data Im good at 'extrapolating’ what He could want next by analyzing - this compensates a little for this lack of social skills.)
It also means I need to talk about literally everything that concerns me, Him or us as a couple in whatever way. Also things normal people would see as irrelevant or as something you 'just don’t speak out loud’ or as so obvious that a conversation about it isn’t necessary… I still need to talk about it.
Only two examples for the downsides.
But in general it is a huge advantage that we are both autistic and it drastically increases the chances for our relationship to last for a long time because it enables us to this sort of deep, honest communication without restrictions, prejudices and fears that is necessary to solve problems, overcome a crisis (and every relationship will encounter problems and a crisis sooner or later) and in general to keep up the harmony.
Anon with sleep question: I'm afraid there's a misunderstanding: of course I would want my master to share everything feeling he has with me, no matter how sad, weak, ill it is, and I am certainly interested in comforting him when he's going through hard times of any kind. I, too, am very devoted and loyal, and I understand about the invisible bond. I love taking care of my man and nurse him when he is not well. My only concern is with sleep. Physically tied & yet "free" to think destructively
Part 2/3: forgive me if I get to sounds like I am autistic too but like
you I am direct and like to get to the deepest levels of my questions
and your answers. Sleep is something we do alone, for even if we are
hugging all night long, we each have our dreams, cycles etc. And that’s
ok because it’s subconscious. My problem starts when I’m awake and he’s
asleep (hypothetically). Because he is not there to counter my bad
thoughts (would do if he were awake), this “phase” leaves me more
Part 3/3: Third ask, same sleep subject, running out of space: maybe I am at a
loss of words. What I meant is, the dom’s role is reassuring me it will
all work out/be all right and if I am awake and he is not, he can’t
perform his role properly. This is why I would want to be asleep at the
same time he sleeps. He obviously needs his rest and so do I, but if I
can’t sleep, he would need to put me to sleep, chemically if necessary. I
don’t see this as being his victim, but if so, I will still want it.
Okay, if it’s really only about sleep and not about seeing him being not in control at all times generally it’s different of course.
I understand how it can be a problem to be “tied & yet ‘free’ to think destructively”, I know this feeling. And yes, it’s one of your Doms responsibilities to give you whatever kind of support works for you to help you when you ‘think destructively’. But I honestly don’t see, why the fact that he needs sleep should prevent him from doing that.
If you need him - wake him. And he will be there for you. Simple as that. Even if he were awake you would have to tell him when you have destructive thoughts since he can’t read your mind. So where’s the difference?!
When he sleeps you can either sleep by his side and everything is fine. Or you have problems sleeping you can handle yourself. Or you have trouble sleeping and need his help which means you wake him up and get his help. I don’t really see your problem / why exactly it would be necessary to put you to sleep chemically while he is sleeping because of destructive thoughts - sorry.
I am generally open to conversations. I like to talk to like-minded people. It is fine when you write me, because you want advice from a submissive’s point of view or just talk about something. Go ahead.
I am NOT interested in meeting you in person. I am NOT open to reading from you that you have any kind of interest in me beyond an online-friendship.
To make it absolutely clear and in the simplest words possible:
I’m owned now. I’m property of @keepingher. I have zero interest in changing that, ever, for the rest of my life. I’m 100% loyal and faithful. I already have the best Master I can imagine. I’m not interested in you.
So please don’t approach me with the wish to meet me and don’t talk to me in a way you wouldn’t want other Dominants to talk to your (existing or desired) slave.
It feels so, so, so good not to wake up alone anymore. To wake up from a hug, a touch, a fuck, a kiss, a growl in my ear, a hand stroking my hair, a jingle from my chains, a ‘Good morning Dovey’… I don’t know how I survived for so long without this - not just a phrase, I really wonder how I survived for so long without this. I need it like oxygen.
Hi: just a little comment that I too would risk my life to be with my master if I had one and in fact I have done many risky things for a couple men I have been with (not at the same time but rather two separate relationships). But, not on a whim. If he came and checked on her or brought her water at least it would make more sense. Sure it was her choice but to me it looked very uncaring, the opposite of what a good master should be. Sad she had to prove so much and he had to prove nothing.
I love it to be in (your) restraints. I love it when you lock me up. I love your cuffs, shackles, chains and locks (and I love that you have German locks). I love it when I can’t move freely because it is a constant reminder that I am yours, that I am property, that you decide and I obey - and I love that too. Although I would never want to do that, I love the feeling that I couldn’t run away from you even if I wanted to. I love it to be completely dependant on you. Because I trust you. I love it to have no say, I don’t want it, no rights, I don’t want them. I love your control over me. I love that you control everything. Literally. I love to feel your power over me in every possible way. I love to serve you, I live to serve you. I love to see you happy. I love it that you keep me. I love you for keeping me. I love you.
You are the best Master I can imagine. You are everything I ever dreamed of. You are everything to me 🖤