October 2017

keepingher:

Dovey’s sick with the flu. Updates will be slow for awhile.

I thought it was over but obviously I didn’t fully recover yet, today I’m feeling a little feverish again. So my inbox has to wait a little longer, sorry friends.

He recently cut my hair (just a few centimeters to prevent split ends) because it is too long for me to cut it myself properly. I loved that ♥

(Care is so much more than just ‘after’care. He doesn’t need to torture you first to have a reason to ‘care’ for you! Should be obvious but unfortunately it doesn’t seem to be the standard in many relationships….)

This little smile of hers at the end….

One of those rare things we do not have in common. I hate this fucking drooling when gagged - He loves it (I’m not particularly fond of gags in general (because of the drooling!) - He is).

But what’s a little drooling for a Master like Him?! (:

That’s (almost) exactly how the collar looks I’m currently wearing (see my avatar).

This ask is hypothetical only and comes from another sub. I am asking to figure our how much we have in common, and how we are different. If a man like your master abducted you because he was in love with you (while you were single of course, not now that you have become property), would you respect him for this act or loathe him? Would you be willing to become his woman even though you have not really "chosen" him? What if he had amazing personality and cared well for you but was very ugly?

Part 2/2: This kind of relates to my previous ask: do you approve of romantic abduction or you find it intolerable crime? It has been my fantasy and I confess it here as I believe it is a no judgement zone. Just so you understand, I don’t want to be a neglected suffering victim. I want my abductor to care for me like your Master does for you, much more. And, I want to care for my abductor. But the point is, I have no choice but be his. This is the totality of love and ownership. Is that a non BDSM need?

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I don’t approve of abduction, even if the ‘victim’ would implicitly ‘consent’ to the abduction by having abduction fantasies strong enough to actually want them to come true in reality. No, I definitely do NOT approve of any kind of (real) abduction!

Because: The real abduction would turn out to be a completely different thing than the abduction the ‘victim’ had in her mind as a fantasy. The chance that it becomes a severe trauma is so extraordinarily high that it’s almost a certainty that the actual result will be a (potentially) lifelong, extreme suffering, and I don’t mean the ‘good’ kind of suffering. I wrote something about this in the Ask before this one (last two paragraphs).

This is one of those cases where fantasy and reality lie just too far apart. Everything else but a catastrophe is an extreme exception, the victim’s destruction is the most likely thing to happen - and sure, extreme exceptions do happen and the most likely thing to happen does not always happen but considering what is at stake it would be stupid, suicidal to place a bet ~ bet your life on this possibility.

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If ‘someone like my Master’ would abduct someone it could be such an exception but ‘someone like my Master’ wouldn’t abduct someone in the first place because it would be against his character. What makes my Master the wonderful Master He is (and would in theory make Him an exception) is His general respect for me, His need to care for my well-being, and someone who has a need to care for another person’s well-being would never abduct someone in order to do that, it would defeat the purpose. You have to keep in mind that from the abductor’s point of view the victim does NOT want to be abducted, from his point of view he is about to traumatize someone, to make someone suffer for the rest of her life… and he does it anyway, which means he has no respect for the person he abducts, he has no need to care for this person’s well-being, he is the most extreme kind of egocentric narcissist. Ergo: No way ‘someone like my Master’ would ever do that. Or that an abductor could be someone with ‘an amazing personality’. And that’s also the reason why I would of course despise someone for doing that (to me or whomever) and would not want to stay with this person but to do everything possible to get away.

Don’t get me wrong, that I (try to) de-construct those kind of fantasies doesn’t mean I would blame anyone for having them, I can even understand where they are coming from. As a fantasy this concept is appealing but that is because you do have the control, you fantasize about exactly the things you would want to happen. In reality it just wouldn’t work anymore.


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Note: Yes, my blog is a “No judgement zone”. I will always speak my mind freely and I can’t guarantee that you, my readers, will always like everything I write or that I will like everything you write (comment/ask) but as long as it is about things consenting adults do with/to each other I definitly don’t judge (and by that I don’t mean that I judge secretly and just don’t write about it but that I do not judge period) and will make sure that nobody else uses my blog to judge either. So you can ask or confess whatever you want.

Well I am so glad you and him did give it a chance. When did you know he was the one? First moment, first day? Did he feel instantly that he wanted you and you alone? I find beginnings to be a bit tricky and scary because you never know and trust is an issue. That is why among others I have the abduction fantasy because then you are just with someone forever and no one else interferes. Do you think lot of girls have this fantasy? Of course mine is romantic so I want the man to love & care for me

Reference

I’m not this kind of “love at first sight”-person. I don’t work like that, I need information, data (which means time) to find out whether or not someone fits to me and before this didn’t happen I have no idea how my future with this person will be ~ if he is ‘the one’.

I knew after a while of talking that we probably are compatible but thought a relationship would be completely unrealistic because of all the odds we had against us. After we first met and could talk in person and see how the other one is in real life I was sure that we are compatible but still thought there wouldn’t be a chance for us so I didn’t allow myself to think of Him as a potential partner because the only result would have been that it hurts. When I had this crisis (and at the same time became a single again, which was one part of the crisis but not the only one) and He decided to come to Germany to help me through it, I started to hope and to allow myself to think of Him as a potential future Master. After we spent some time together - I mean like actually living together 24/7 and sharing bed bathroom kitchen thoughts fantasies plans and also finding out how we work together not only as human beings but also in a BDSM context (even though that’s hard to separate from each other) - I was sure it’s Him and nobody else.

For Him it was exactly the same. Our minds/brains/feelings/thought process work very similar in many ways and this is one of them. Except that, you can read that everywhere on His blog, He doesn’t believe in ‘the One’, but in ‘finding someone who is as compatible as possible to me and then keeping her for the rest of my life’ - but… to be honest… the last part would make this person ‘the One’ in my opinion… just a matter of definition.

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Yes, beginnings are tricky, especially in an BDSM context because trust always needs time to be built up and there is a lot of trust required in order to submit to someone (and feel safe and happy about it). That’s exactly why you never start a Master/slave-relationship at 100% - I already mentioned this a few times when I had Asks like ‘Does He already pay for all your expenses’, ‘What does it mean that you are not a complete slave yet’ etc. Especially when you get to know someone online = the ‘getting to know each other”-process doesn’t happen face to face but from behind screens, that’s just not how it works. You don’t meet someone for the first (or second or even third) time and instantly hand over your complete life, all your affairs, give up control over everything, get rid of all your stuff, quit your job, cancel your rental contract and move in with him at his place, give him all your money, let him lock you up in chains and from then on decide over absolutely everything that happens to you incl possibly physical torture - which is what it eventually means to be a slave in a relationship like we, He and I, are talking about on our blogs. You never start there - you end up there at some point (and even then it’s not the ‘finish line’). And what’s between these two points, starting a relationship and being Master and slave like this, is a HELL of a lot of work! It requires constant, completely honest communication which means both partners have to open up to their core and be able and willing to let the other one see what’s there, both have to be capable of self-reflexion ~ analyzing their own inner mental and emotional processes to a very deep degree plus of verbalizing the results of this analysis in a way the other can understand. This deep submission and this absolute responsibility only work if you put a LOT of effort into making it work and in so many different ways.

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An abduction of course is easier. In this case you would really start at 100% and you, the submissive partner, have to do absolutely nothing to make it happen or to work and the abductor only has to take care you don’t run away or die and besides that can do whatever he wants….

I don’t think that ‘a lot of girls’ have these fantasies but they are certainly not rare either. Because it is the easiest way, you don’t have to do a thing for it. Because it is absolute, it really takes away every choice and many like this fantasy (and I mean they like the fantasy). Because it can sound romantic in theory (can… depending on what an individual abduction fantasy exactly contains).

In reality of course it’s different. Getting abducted means you will most likely end up with someone who is not attractive (in general or for you personally). That he definitely will do a lot of things to you that you don’t like in the best case or that you hate to the point of going insane after awhile in the worst case - because there just is no way that the person who abducts you magically happens to have the exact same fantasies, preferences, limits, aversions etc. as you, he will like things you hate, he will hate things you like and you just have to comply or endure it. For the rest of your life. In reality in 99.99999999% of all cases an abduction is/will turn out to become a severe trauma that wil destroy the victim’s life.

But… this just for the (/my autistic) record. I don’t have anything against fantasies in general of course and I understand why people have them - I have fantasies too (only about things that are actually possible to happen in reality but that just didn’t happen yet). Fantasy is great as long as it doesn’t keep you away from living a real life that makes you happy. So be careful about fantasies that are absolutely impossible to ever come true (generally or in the way you imagine them to be).

keepingher:

Little Dovey looks so cute in her chains!

Aaww, I love this picture ♥

When I’m talking on the blog about “constantly making salad / chopping veggies the whole day”, like I did a few times already, this is exactly what it looks like.

Btw…Preparing a meal like this is actually not very complicated - I mean… relatively, of course it’s more complicated than with free hands - but cleaning the dishes afterwards sucks with a chain between your wrists. And making the bed is annoying as fuck because you can’t hold the blanket at its corners! Yes, these are the kinds of “problems” I’m dealing with in my life now (: - definitley better than the ones I had before!

Is he moving you both to a nice large house?

At the moment we don’t think this far but are busy sorting out all this bureaucracy stuff in order to stay together in the same place, no matter where exactly this will be in the end. 

Eventually we would of course want to live at a place where we have enough privacy to do whatever the fuck we… He wants - like this or this or this - without being watched or heard or disturbed by anyone (:

Is he in touch with his ex (sub/girlfriend/wife et)?

Since He and His exwife have a child together of course they are in touch. There is no other way to be a good father.

About His ex-girlfriends/subs I don’t know, I never specifically asked Him if He still has contact to (any of) them but it doesn’t seem like that.

In general: He can have contact, in terms of verbal communication in whatever way, with whomever He wants, why should I care?! If there would be anything He needs or wants that He can’t get from me = would have/want to go to one of His exes for to get it (and I’m not only and mostly not speaking of sexual things but also something like an open ear, someone to comfort Him etc.) we wouldn’t work as a couple, as Master and Slave. But we do. So there is no reason for me to have a problem with contact to ex-partners.

(And this is btw one of the advantages of being an autist. You are really able to see it and feel like that.)

stupid question but how do you create this with a keyboard? (⊙﹏☉)

That’s not a stupid question.

I didn’t. I used copy & paste like you to write this Ask.

did you celebrate Octoberfest and will you celebrate Halloween?

Oktoberfest is only celebrated in Bavaria, where it actually takes place. It is a cliché that this would be a ‘German thing’ in general, it isn’t. Noone here cares for the Oktoberfest except the Bavarians (but there it IS a HUGE thing).

Halloween is not very popular in Germany. Until a few, well maybe ten or so, years ago noone here ever did anything on Halloween, then suddenly it became some sort of popular event in clubs, bars etc. to throw Halloween parties and shortly after that people started to do private parties. But that was it. Some people dress up a little and go to a party but it’s not really common to do that here.

I personally celebrate neither of those.

You are so naturally pretty I am not sure why you needed the facial mask but if it makes you even more beautiful could you please recommend the brand you use? Or maybe before and after picture? Does it help facial skin at any age? By the way I thought you had blonde hair did you dye it to brown? Also, does Kefir help with losing weight? Is yogurt enough for you to feel full at lunch time? When you do your walkings in the woods do you bring food with you or buy coffee/hot cocoa along the way?

Reference

I do need a facial mask. I have bad skin at the moment because of this fucking methadone (even though I don’t like it to admit that, you know, I’m just a human being with flaws and faults like everybody else). I didn’t have this problem with any other opiate but methadone is just the cheapest shit - naturally, because the only people who need it are junkies and junkies don’t have a lobby that would fight for a quality product.

In my opinion there are only two (kinds of) facial masks that really do something: Healing earth masks (I mean pure healing earth with nothing else in it) or … I’m not sure of the english translation… aluminum oxide clay? I mean this white clay stuff (that’s the one on the picture) - those to clean the skin and this mask for hydration. Yes, helps at any age.

My hair color is a mix of dark blonde and light brown with a little bit of red in it. Depending on the season (lighter in summer, darker in winter) and the light it looks different. I never changed my hair color, I have my natural hair color since I was born and would never change that except ordered to - nothing hardcore-chemical ever touches my hair as long as I can help it.

The only thing that helps with losing weight is healthy eating and sports. @keepingher has a lot of posts about how to lose weight in a healthy way, have a look there.

I eat my yoghurt with muesli, that’s definitley enough to feel full.

We walk for something between one and two hours normally, so there is no need to bring food or eat something on the way. Normally we have our walk before lunch so we eat at home afterwards.

So are you moving with him to Canada in order to raise the animals?

Reference 1 // Reference 2

We are not completely sure yet where exactly we will live. A lot of bureaucracy is involved for an EU-NonEU-couple staying together in one country, it will take a while to figure out the different options and then go through all the paperwork etc. For the time being we live in Germany. After that… We will see.

Nice list of animals. But can he afford caring for all of them?

Reference

I have no idea what exactly it costs to care for ‘two dogs, two cats, a bunch of rats, a horse, a donkey, a few sheep, a snake, a turtle and a cow’, so I wouldn’t know if He can afford it.

But actually my list wasn’t meant to be taken 100% seriously. I would love it to have many animals but I wouldn’t love it to do all the work that’s coming with having them so in the end I would probably settle for a dog (or two) and be perfectly happy about it.

Gute Nacht, Tumblr! // Good night Tumblr!

Yours.

Another episode of random thoughts at night…

Wow, the (four) Asks I got in response to my latest “2AM random thoughts about suffering” are really… interesting - I didn’t expect to hit a nerve with this (which was probably naive), but I’m quite excited to be honest to get some negative criticism for a change. I was already wondering when this might happen. Somehow, after almost half a year I’m running this blog, it’s exactly now that for the first time I feel like I finally really ‘settled’ here on Tumblr (:

(I was too occupied (both btw @ scared or happy 🖤) today to answer said Asks and now I’m tired but I’ll definitely get to them tomorrow.)

*sitting at Master’s feet and watching Him file the edges of my locks (the ones that lock my cuffs and shackles and hold the chains between them) so that they don’t dig into my arms and legs at night… He is busy doing that for more than an hour now while I just enjoy having my arms wrapped around His leg and admire Him for taking such good care of me.

I’m definitely the luckiest and happiest slave on this planet!

You can see the pain but not what’s causing it, the reaction but not what triggers it… I like this point of view.

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Random 2AM-thoughts / -associations with this gif

I’d endure everything if it means to make You smile. - Not an empty phrase; I mean it. - There is no part of me, of body and mind, that isn’t Yours (~…to do with as you please). // And despite the fact that there isn’t much on this planet I hate more than pain (You know I’m far from being a masochist), even (/especially?) while suffering I’m in perfect harmony with myself. Because ‘myself’ is Your property. And that’s what fulfills me, what makes me happy. // I suffer for You, not because I enjoy pain but because I love to sacrifice myself for You, for Your happiness and pleasure. Because You’re worth it, You earned it, for all the things You did and do for me, for caring so well for me. For giving me everything of You, You deserve nothing less than to take everything from me. // I love to sacrifice myself for You because every sacrifice is a renewal of my promise to be Yours. What could be better proof of my devotion than to suffer for You? What gives You more power over me than to make me suffer for You? Just because You like it, just because You can. And to feel Your power over me, makes me feel safe. Because it means You have everything under control, even me. // I hate pain soooo much. I -really- suffer when You hurt me. And I’m glad I do because it makes it real. My sacrifice. Your ownership. Your pleasure. Real suffering, real reward. // I don’t care how much hurts; pain is temporary, our bond is forever. And it’s getting stronger with everything we give to and take from each other, with every part of us we exchange, until we forgot what is Yours and what is mine. That’s the meaning of Giving and Taking. Substitution. Becoming One. This is what it’s all about.

Do you think the German man would have asked you to live with him if you were cured from the drug addiction and depression?

Yes, I think (or rather I know because he said so) if I wouldn’t have been a depressed junkie he would have wanted me to be his slave (which would have implied living with him, so yes).

did he get you a dog?

Not yet. An apartment in the city is not really ideal to have a dog. But when we move to another place we will get one.

do you like 1) rice 2) noodles 3) beans 4) mushrooms 5) olives

1) yes 2) yes 3) not so much 4) yes 5) no, hate them

keepingher:

inside-mathilda:

inside-mathilda:

I’m a little behind with answering Asks. Patience please. Thank you.

Once again.

I’ll get to them tomorrow, was a little busy today and yesterday, sorry.

Good luck. She’ll be a little occupied tomorrow.

I will? Occupied with what? I’m not sure if I should be happy or scared now (⊙﹏☉)

inside-mathilda:

I’m a little behind with answering Asks. Patience please. Thank you.

Once again.

I’ll get to them tomorrow, was a little busy today and yesterday, sorry.

I love the feeling of metal on my skin 🖤

(Another one of the five trillion autism problems…)

Sacrifice is giving up something good (e.g. comfort) for something better (e.g. making Him happy).

Ergo: I love to suffer for You 🖤

keepingher:

Dovey teaches me German

Just to save my reputation as a decent girl with a pure mind and always innocent thoughts… He explicitly requested that I translate this last sentence for Him. Of course I would never come up with something like this myself; I don’t even know such filthy words! *polishes her halo

keepingher:

Mornings are the best!

Guten Morgen, Tumblr! // Good morning Tumblr!

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I wouldn’t go this far… I’m not exactly a morning person in general, rather a night owl. But I still love to serve You at any time of the day 🖤

(That’s true love… a morning-hater like me getting up early in the morning to give a bj - even BEFORE COFFEE! Nothing could be better proof of my devotion than this!)

Did I mention already that He promised me a dog?! How could I not love Him… 🖤

(I’m working on convincing Him of having two dogs, two cats, a few rats, a horse, a donkey, a few sheep, a snake, a turtle and a fish tank…. But..one step at a time (: )

Edit: Oh I forgot about the cow. And a cow of course because cows are so cute.

Lead me.

Indeed…

I suffer for You. Whenever, wherever, however You want.

After all, all I need is to be with you

Nikolay K (via morgondagen)

I don’t care where on this planet we are, where we live, where we go as long as we are together. I follow You everywhere.

Yours.

I love it when You lock my collar. Makes me feel so… Yours 🖤

Daily choking picture #71

Do you ever get in a "bad mood"?

Often to be honest.

Wow, I drink 24/7 lots of water because it helps with my anxiety. 3 Times a week to drink is dangerous so I hope you are drinking a lot especially now that you are sick. I am so sorry you have the flu. Last year I got the cold like 4 times and had ear infections. Maybe flu vaccine and or pneumonia vaccine can help next year? I must commend your master for making such a cute, soft bed by his side/feet. I hope you feel better real soon. Do you like chicken broth (with no chicken, just flavor)?

I drink every day now because He reminds me to drink.

I’m not a fan of vaccines (as an adult who is healthy in general and for not very dangerous illnesses), being ill for a few days a year isn’t the end of the world.

No, I don’t like the flavor of chicken or any other meat. After being a vegetarian for 12 years I find the smell and taste of meat disgusting.